Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear with vocabulary, avoid fillers, and use a concise topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Replace unclear word 'upgrade' with 'uplifting' or 'upbeat', remove 'uh', and correct grammar (e.g., "when I've had a stressful day"). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer upbeat music when I'm doing chores. It lifts my mood and helps me concentrate, especially after a stressful day.

提案: Use correct subject-verb agreement and precise vocabulary. Start with a direct answer, then give one clear reason with a linking phrase like 'because' or 'so'. Replace 'upgrading' with 'upbeat' or 'uplifting' and fix verbs ('makes', 'has'). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because it usually has an upbeat rhythm and memorable melodies that lift my mood and help me relax.

提案: Organize answer with a clear topic sentence and concise supporting detail. Use correct tense and sentence structure: say when you took classes, what you learned, and the current result. Avoid vague endings like 'helped me know'. Keep within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I took music classes before secondary school where I learned how an orchestra works. As a result, I'm now a violinist in my high school's orchestra.

提案: Give a direct answer, then two brief, linked reasons. Fix sentence fragments and verb forms (e.g., 'it helps me feel more comfortable', 'I always listen'). Use linking words like 'and' or 'also'. Keep answer to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing chores because it helps me feel more comfortable, and I also listen when doing homework because it helps me concentrate.

× I prefer the upgrade music, uh, when I'm doing some chores.

✓ I prefer upbeat music when I'm doing chores.

'The upgrade music' is incorrect word choice; use 'upbeat music'. 'Doing some chores' is acceptable but 'doing chores' is more natural. No present participle error after 'prefer' here but original contains awkward phrasing; correction improves vocabulary and fluency.

× The upgrade music can really lift up my mood and help me to concentrate on my work, especially when I have experienced A stressful day.

✓ Upbeat music can really lift my mood and help me concentrate on my work, especially when I have had a stressful day.

Use no definite article before 'upbeat music'. 'Lift up' is wordy; 'lift' is preferred. 'Help me to concentrate' -> 'help me concentrate'. 'I have experienced A stressful day' has incorrect capitalization and word choice; use present perfect 'have had' for a recent experience that affects the present.

× Happy music actually make me feel more excited.

✓ Happy music actually makes me feel more excited.

Subject 'Happy music' is singular; verb must be 'makes' (third person singular) to agree in number.

× I can feel comfortable after listening to it because it usually have the upgrading rhythm and melody which can lift up my mood and release my stress.

✓ I feel comfortable after listening to it because it usually has an uplifting rhythm and melody which can lift my mood and relieve my stress.

Verb agreement: 'it' (music) requires 'has' not 'have'. 'Upgrading' is wrong word; 'uplifting' is correct adjective. 'Lift up my mood' -> 'lift my mood'. 'Release my stress' -> 'relieve my stress' is the correct collocation.

× I have taken some music classes before the secondary school.

✓ I took some music classes before secondary school.

Use simple past 'took' with a finished time reference 'before secondary school'. 'Before the secondary school' is incorrect article use; omit 'the'.

× It told me how the orchestra worked and now I'm in high school and be a violin player in the orchestra.

✓ They taught me how an orchestra works, and now I'm in high school and am a violinist in the orchestra.

Pronoun 'It' unclear; use 'They' or 'The classes'. 'Told' is weak for teaching context; 'taught' is better. 'How the orchestra worked' should be present tense 'works' for a general truth. 'Be a violin player' is ungrammatical; use 'am a violinist'.

× It actually helped me know.

✓ It actually helped me learn.

'Helped me know' is unidiomatic; use 'helped me learn' or 'helped me understand'.

× I usually listen to music while doing the chores because it can help me.

✓ I usually listen to music while doing chores because it helps me relax.

'Doing the chores' -> 'doing chores' more natural. Sentence ended awkwardly with 'it can help me.' Specify how it helps; 'helps me relax' is natural. Present tense 'helps' matches habitual action.

× Feel more comfortable and I always listening to music when I'm doing my homework which can help me be more focused on my work.

✓ I feel more comfortable, and I always listen to music when I'm doing my homework, which helps me focus on my work.

Original fragment 'Feel more comfortable' lacks subject and verb. 'I always listening' is wrong form; use 'I always listen'. 'Which can help me be more focused' -> 'which helps me focus' is clearer and correct verb form.