Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then give one clear reason and a specific example. Avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g., "relics", "unhappy music"). Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer listening to sad music. I find the lyrics and melodies more relatable because they often express emotions I’ve experienced, such as heartbreak or loneliness, so they help me reflect and feel understood.

提案: Reduce fillers (e.g., "umm", "actually") and use correct verb forms. Start with a clear statement, then explain how happy music affects your mood and work with a specific detail. Use linking words like "so" or "which helps".

例: Yes. When I do homework I listen to happy songs because they cheer me up and help me concentrate; for example, upbeat music keeps my energy up during long study sessions, so I work more efficiently.

提案: Be direct and avoid irrelevant or confusing remarks (e.g., "because I'm very attractive" is unrelated). Give a clear reason why you haven’t taken classes and, if possible, mention future plans. Keep answers brief and coherent with 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "because" or "so".

例: No, I haven’t taken any music classes because I don’t feel confident in my singing ability and I prefer spending my free time on other hobbies. I might try a basic class in the future if I want to improve.

提案: Clarify the contrast between silence and music—current phrasing is confusing. Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain why you prefer music while working with a specific example. Avoid contradictory phrases and reduce redundancy.

例: Yes, I usually listen to music while working because silence makes me lose focus. For example, I play instrumental or mellow pop at the office to lift my mood and maintain concentration.

× Umm for my preference I do listen to sad music the most because it the relics of the sad music are much more like relatable rather than being going with unhappy music.

✓ For my preference, I listen to sad music the most because the themes of sad music are much more relatable than those of unhappy music.

Pronoun and noun reference errors and word choice issues: 'it the relics of the sad music' is ungrammatical and unclear. Replaced with 'the themes of sad music' to express meaning. Changed 'do listen' to simple present 'listen' since habitual preference is expressed by simple present. Replaced 'much more like relatable' with 'much more relatable' and fixed comparison to 'than those of unhappy music'. Suggestions: use clear nouns for abstract concepts (themes), use simple present for habitual actions, and use 'more ... than' for comparisons.

× Yes, actually when I umm, doing my homework or any work, I go with the happy song because it actually cheers me up and I can actually go with the flow and work based on it.

✓ Yes, actually when I do my homework or any work, I listen to happy songs because they cheer me up and help me go with the flow and work.

Verb form errors: 'when I umm, doing' lacks auxiliary; use 'when I do' for routine actions. 'I go with the happy song' is idiomatic error; use 'I listen to happy songs'. Subject-verb agreement: 'it actually cheers me up' should be 'they cheer me up' if referring to songs (plural). Removed redundant 'actually' and simplified 'work based on it' to 'help me go with the flow and work'. Suggestions: use simple present for habits, ensure correct verb forms (do + base verb), and match pronoun number with its antecedent.

× Actually, no, because I'm not a person who actually can sing or actually go with the music kind of things because I'm very attractive.

✓ Actually, no, because I'm not a person who can sing or participate in musical activities because I'm not confident in singing.

Pronoun and meaning errors and inappropriate adjective: 'go with the music kind of things' is vague; replaced with 'participate in musical activities'. 'Because I'm very attractive' is irrelevant and likely a wrong word choice; replaced with 'because I'm not confident in singing' to match intended meaning. Also removed redundant 'actually'. Suggestions: choose words that clearly express reason, avoid irrelevant adjectives, and keep concise phrasing.

× So I don't think I would actually go with the music class too. So for now I haven't taken any music class yet.

✓ So I don't think I will take music classes. For now, I haven't taken any music classes yet.

Tense and modal usage: 'I don't think I would actually go' mixes modal forms; use 'I don't think I will take' for future intent. 'Music class' should be plural 'music classes' when speaking generally. 'I haven't taken any music class yet' corrected to 'I haven't taken any music classes yet' for natural usage. Suggestions: use 'will' for future intentions, keep count nouns consistent (singular vs plural), and use present perfect for experiences up to now.

× Yes, I usually listen to music while I'm working because I want a much of big fan of having a silence when I work or read.

✓ Yes, I usually listen to music while I'm working because I'm not a big fan of silence when I work or read.

Word choice and structure errors: 'I want a much of big fan' is incorrect; corrected to 'I'm not a big fan of silence'. 'Having a silence' is not idiomatic. Kept 'usually' and present continuous 'I'm working' for ongoing/habitual actions. Suggestions: use idiomatic phrases ('not a big fan of'), avoid unnecessary articles ('a silence' -> 'silence'), and keep tense consistent.

× So whenever I'm doing my work at office I need to listen to music to cheer me up.

✓ So whenever I'm working at the office, I need to listen to music to cheer myself up.

Reflexive pronoun and article use: 'cheer me up' is acceptable but 'cheer myself up' is more natural with 'need to'. Added definite article 'the office' for natural English. 'Doing my work at office' corrected to 'working at the office'. Suggestions: use reflexive pronouns when the subject and object are the same ('myself'), include articles where needed ('the office'), and use natural verb collocations ('working at the office').