Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid hesitations and repetition; use varied vocabulary (e.g., cheerier, uplifting) and correct grammar (e.g., "it makes me feel better").

例: I prefer happy music. It cheers me up when I feel bored or depressed, and upbeat songs usually lift my mood quickly because of their lively rhythm and positive lyrics.

提案: Give a direct answer, then add one clear, specific reason using linking words. Avoid unclear words ("unsaturious") and incomplete sentences. Use correct tense and pronouns, and keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, happy music makes me excited. For example, when I'm bored or stressed by personal problems, upbeat songs energize me and help me concentrate on solutions rather than worries.

提案: Answer directly with a clear negative or affirmative, then briefly explain with specific details. Use correct past tense and avoid repeating phrases. Keep it to two or three sentences and use linking words like "but" or "however."

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes. However, I had music lessons at school in both elementary and high school where we learned basic theory and sang in the choir.

提案: Provide a clear, grammatical response and one specific example of activities when you listen to music. Avoid vague or incorrect words ("reliable") and keep it concise. Use present simple for routines.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while studying or cooking because it helps me relax and stay focused, especially instrumental or mellow tracks.

× I prefer happy music because every time that I'm sad, I feel that I'm really bored and I, I feel that, uh, depressed. By playing, uh, happy music, it's giving me a good.

✓ I prefer happy music because whenever I'm sad, I feel really bored and depressed. Playing happy music makes me feel better.

Errors: redundant fillers and incorrect clause structure. 'Every time that' is acceptable but 'whenever' is more natural; 'I feel that I'm really bored and I, I feel that, uh, depressed' is repetitive and ungrammatical; 'By playing happy music, it's giving me a good' is incorrect because 'it' is unclear and 'giving me a good' is incomplete. Suggestion: remove filler words, combine parallel ideas, use subject + verb for clarity (Playing happy music makes me feel better). This addresses sentence structure and verb usage.

× Yes, the happy music's made make me feel so excited, especially when I'm feel bored, when I feel sad, when I feel unsaturious because of the problems that I face within. So that's why I really need the.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel very excited, especially when I feel bored, sad, or unsatisfied because of personal problems. That's why I really need it.

Errors: 'the happy music's made make' is ungrammatical; use simple present 'makes' for general statements. 'I'm feel bored' mixes contraction and base verb; correct form is 'I feel'. 'Unsaturious' is incorrect word choice; use 'unsatisfied' or 'unhappy'. Sentence fragment 'So that's why I really need the.' lacks object; include 'it'. Suggestion: use simple present for habitual effects, remove extra words, correct word choice, and complete the sentence.

× No, I didn't take any music classes, but when I was in elementary we have a music subject and when I was in high school as well, we have music and physical education subject. We studied about the music and we studied about everything about the physical fitness, music and etcetera.

✓ No, I didn't take any music classes, but when I was in elementary school we had a music class, and in high school we also had music and physical education. We learned about music and about physical fitness.

Errors: tense inconsistency: starts with past 'didn't take' then uses present 'we have'; change to past 'we had'. 'Elementary' should be 'elementary school' for clarity. 'Studied about' is incorrect collocation; use 'learned about' or 'studied'. 'Everything about the physical fitness, music and etcetera' is wordy and ungrammatical; remove 'everything' and 'etcetera'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent and use natural collocations (had a music class, learned about).

× Yes, I'm listening the music while I'm doing anything because it makes me feel more reliable and then it makes me feel much better when I heard the music while I'm busy.

✓ Yes, I listen to music while I'm doing other things because it makes me feel more relaxed, and it makes me feel much better when I hear music while I'm busy.

Errors: 'I'm listening the music' is incorrect verb pattern; use 'listen to music' for habitual actions. 'While I'm doing anything' is unnatural; use 'while I'm doing other things'. 'Makes me feel more reliable' is incorrect adjective choice; likely 'relaxed' or 'comfortable'. Tense inconsistency with 'when I heard the music while I'm busy' mixes past 'heard' with present progressive; use present 'hear'. Suggestion: use simple present for habits, correct verb + preposition ('listen to'), choose appropriate adjectives, and keep tenses consistent.