Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler sounds, and fix verb agreement. Add one specific example of a happy song or situation to make it vivid. Keep to maximum 4–5 sentences.

例: I prefer happy music because it quickly lifts my mood after a long, hectic day. For example, I often listen to upbeat pop songs like Pharrell Williams’ “Happy” while cooking or commuting, and they help me feel more relaxed and energetic. Overall, cheerful tunes are my go-to when I need a mental boost.

提案: Correct sentence structure and avoid repetition. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, and, additionally). Use precise vocabulary (tone → tempo/melody; cozy → pleasant). Keep it to 3–4 sentences.

例: Definitely — happy music makes me feel more excited because its upbeat tempo and cheerful melodies energize me. For example, when a song has a strong rhythm and bright harmonies, I feel motivated to move and sing along. Additionally, these songs often match my taste, which increases my enjoyment.

提案: Use correct tense and smoother phrasing: answer directly, then explain briefly with a specific reason or example. Avoid vague phrases like “when I grew up” — say “now” or “in the future.” Keep answers within 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I haven’t taken formal music classes since childhood, but I would like to in the future because I’m very interested in learning guitar. If I had the chance, I would take weekly lessons to improve my technique and learn to play songs I enjoy.

提案: Good structure and content; reduce hesitations and improve word choice. Start with a clear topic sentence, use linking words (for routine vs. important tasks), and give one concrete example of a task for each case. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing routine tasks, but I avoid it during important or highly focused work. For instance, I play playlists when cleaning the house or doing simple chores because it makes time pass quickly. However, when studying for exams or writing reports, I prefer silence to concentrate better.

× Umm, I prefer happy music because when I'm too much tired from my hectic schedule, I listen to happy music as it elevates my mood and help me to feel relaxed.

✓ Umm, I prefer happy music because when I'm very tired from my hectic schedule, I listen to happy music as it elevates my mood and helps me to feel relaxed.

Errors: 'too much tired' is non-native; use 'very tired' or 'too tired' (adverb/adjective misuse - present tense context). 'help' does not agree with singular subject 'it' (subject-verb agreement). Suggestion: replace 'too much tired' with 'very tired' and use 'helps' to agree with singular subject 'it'. Grammar problem type ID: 6

× Is definitely happy music makes me feel more excited because happy music tone and the songs behind the background is very good and cozy for me and also it makes me more excited as they match up with my tone and my interest.

✓ Definitely, happy music makes me feel more excited because the tone and background songs are very good and cozy for me, and they also make me more excited as they match my taste and interests.

Errors: Sentence began with 'Is definitely' (incorrect inversion/structure; sentence must start with subject or adverb). 'happy music tone' requires article and clearer noun phrasing; use 'the tone'. 'the songs behind the background' is awkward; use 'background songs'. Subject-verb agreement: 'songs ... is' should be 'songs ... are'. Pronoun agreement: 'it makes me' inconsistent with plural 'songs' — use 'they make me'. 'match up with my tone and my interest' is awkward; use 'match my taste and interests'. Suggestion: reorder to 'Definitely, happy music makes...'. Grammar problem type ID: 3

× Well, I did not take up any music classes since my childhood but if I ever got an opportunity I would definitely take music classes as I have keen interest when I grew up.

✓ Well, I did not take any music classes in my childhood, but if I ever get an opportunity I will definitely take music classes because I have had a keen interest since I was young.

Errors: 'did not take up any music classes since my childhood' mixes past simple with 'since' (which requires present perfect) and 'take up' is unnecessary. Use 'did not take any music classes in my childhood' or 'have not taken ... since childhood'. Conditional tense wrong: 'if I ever got an opportunity I would' implies unreal past; use first conditional 'if I ever get an opportunity I will'. 'as I have keen interest when I grew up' incorrect tense and phrasing; use 'I have had a keen interest since I was young'. Suggestion: choose consistent time reference and correct conditional form. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× When I'm doing the work of home or not so important, I listen to music, so my time gets easily passed.

✓ When I'm doing household chores or unimportant tasks, I listen to music so that time passes more easily.

Errors: 'the work of home' is incorrect preposition/phrase; use 'household chores'. 'not so important' should be 'unimportant tasks' (word order). 'my time gets easily passed' is passive and unnatural; use 'time passes more easily' or 'my time passes more easily'. Suggestion: use natural collocations and active voice. Grammar problem type ID: 11

× But during some concentration work and some important work, I do not prefer to listen music because it can distract me.

✓ But during tasks that require concentration or during important work, I prefer not to listen to music because it can distract me.

Errors: 'concentration work' is not a natural collocation; use 'tasks that require concentration'. Word order: 'do not prefer to listen music' is incorrect; use 'prefer not to listen to music'. Missing preposition 'to' after 'listen'. Suggestion: reword for natural collocation and correct verb + preposition: 'listen to music'. Grammar problem type ID: 11