Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 주제문은 명확하지만 말끝의 망설임(uh)과 반복적 표현을 줄이고 구체적인 이유나 예시를 더 제시하세요. 연결어로 이유와 결과를 더 자연스럽게 연결하고 문장 수를 3문장 이내로 유지하면 더 명확하고 유창하게 들립니다. 예: 주된 감정(차분해짐), 상황(스트레스를 받았을 때), 그리고 곡 스타일(느린 템포, 어쿠스틱 편곡) 등을 구체적으로 덧붙이세요.

例: I prefer sad music because its slow tempo and minor-key melodies help me feel calm and reflective. For example, after a stressful day at work I often listen to acoustic ballads to unwind and clear my head.

提案: 응답은 직접적이지만 일반화된 표현(people)과 불필요한 망설임이 있습니다. 개인적 경험으로 답을 구체화하고 연결어(for example, therefore 등)를 사용해 논리를 명확히 하세요. 또한 관사와 어순을 교정해 더 자연스럽게 만드세요.

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms boost my energy and motivation. For example, I usually play techno tracks when I go jogging, which helps me keep a faster pace.

提案: 답변은 정보는 제공하지만 부정적 표현('very tired')과 문법 오류가 눈에 띕니다. 더 자연스러운 어순(Except for the one music class I took in high school, I have never...)과 정중한 표현으로 감정 설명을 바꾸세요. 또한 왜 흥미가 없었는지 구체적인 이유(실습 부족, 수업 방식 등)를 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: Except for a music class I took in high school, I haven't taken any formal lessons. The class focused mainly on theory with little practical practice, so I found it quite dull and didn't feel motivated to continue.

提案: 전반적으로 좋지만 망설임과 단수·복수 및 동사 형태 오류(help → helps)를 고치세요. 'for example' 대신 연결어(For instance, When studying, etc.)를 문두에 사용하고, 구체적인 상황(시험 공부, 과제 등)과 이유(배경 소음 차단, 일정한 리듬 등)를 추가하세요.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other things. For instance, when I'm studying I play instrumental techno because the lack of lyrics and steady rhythm help me concentrate on reading and solving problems.

× I prefer sad music because the melancholic melodies help me feel calm and relaxed. Uh, for instance, I listen to it to unwind after a stressful day.

✓ I prefer sad music because the melancholic melodies help me feel calm and relaxed. For instance, I listen to it to unwind after a stressful day.

Remove filler 'Uh' and ensure gerund use is correct; no verb+ -ing error. Suggestion: avoid fillers in speaking to be clearer. Note: This sentence had no verb+ -ing error but contained an unnecessary filler 'Uh' which interrupts fluency.

× Yes, I think so. The cheerful, upbeat melodies can help people feel excited. Uh, for example, I like to listen to the techno music when I go jogging.

✓ Yes, I think so. The cheerful, upbeat melodies can help people feel excited. For example, I like to listen to techno music when I go jogging.

In English, genres usually omit the definite article; say 'listen to techno music' rather than 'the techno music.' Also remove filler 'Uh'. Suggestion: omit 'the' before music genres.

× Except for the one music class that I took in my high school, I have never taken a music class because in that class I learned only music theory that is very tired and not interesting.

✓ Except for a music class I took in high school, I have never taken another music class because that class only taught music theory, which I found tiring and uninteresting.

Several issues: article use ('the one music class' -> 'a music class'); redundant tense ('I took in my high school' -> 'I took in high school'); sentence structure and word choice ('learned only music theory that is very tired' is incorrect: use 'taught' and describe theory as 'tiring and uninteresting'). Suggestions: use 'a' for a single, unspecified instance, avoid 'my' before institutions unless necessary, use 'tiring/uninteresting' for describing experiences.

× Yes, I often do uh, for example, when I am studying I like to listen to techno music because it has no lyrics and help me focus on the activity.

✓ Yes, I often do. For example, when I am studying, I like to listen to techno music because it has no lyrics and helps me focus on the task.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it has no lyrics and help me' should be 'helps me' because the singular subject 'it' requires 'helps'. Also remove filler 'uh', add punctuation and change 'activity' to 'task' for naturalness. Suggestion: ensure verbs agree with their subjects and avoid fillers.