Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitation and filler words, correct minor grammar (e.g., 'depends on my mood', 'sad music'). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' for coherence.

例: I usually prefer whichever suits my mood: happy music when I feel cheerful and sad music when I feel low. For example, when I'm happy I play upbeat songs and dance, but when I'm upset I listen to melancholy tracks and focus on the lyrics because they help me process my feelings.

提案: Answer directly and avoid vague phrases. Use one clear reason with a specific example. Avoid unclear vocabulary ('state of man', 'purple dance') and reduce hesitations. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to organize ideas.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me more excited because it reduces my stress and lifts my mood. For example, when I listen to an upbeat song after work, I start dancing and feel motivated to exercise or cook, which keeps my energy high.

提案: Be concise and structured: give a direct answer, then add one specific detail about online learning and future plans. Remove repetition and filler words. Use proper tense ('I haven't taken any formal classes') and linking words like 'however' or 'so'.

例: No, I haven't taken any formal music classes, but I watched several tutorials on YouTube to learn basic techniques. I would like to take professional lessons in the future because I want structured feedback and to improve my singing and instrument skills.

提案: Answer directly then give specific examples and one clear reason. Avoid plural mistakes ('stuffs') and filler words. Use linking words like 'for example' and 'which' to explain the effect of music on tasks.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing chores. For example, I play upbeat playlists when cleaning my room or doing laundry, which makes the tasks more enjoyable and motivates me to finish them faster.

× Well, it completely depends upon my moon what uh, umm, what state I am in.

✓ Well, it completely depends on my mood and what state I am in.

Use 'depends on' not 'depends upon' in conversational English; 'moon' is incorrect word choice for 'mood'. Replace with 'mood' and connect the ideas with 'and' for clarity.

× Like, if I am in a cheerful, uh, mood, I'll be choosing a happy song, then I'll be dancing around and all.

✓ If I am in a cheerful mood, I choose a happy song and dance around.

Using 'I'll be choosing' and 'I'll be dancing' is awkward for habitual or general statements; use simple present 'I choose' and 'dance'. Remove unnecessary article before 'mood' and informal filler.

× And if I am feeling very low at that time, I'll be putting a sad music, then I'll be sitting and I'll be listening to the lyrics and.

✓ If I feel very low, I play sad music and sit listening to the lyrics.

'Putting a sad music' is incorrect collocation; use 'play sad music'. For habitual or immediate actions use simple present or present continuous appropriately; trim redundant future continuous 'I'll be'.

× Yes, definitely happy music will make me so, uh, cheerful that I could not explain in words because gradually it will help me to, uh, reduce my stress.

✓ Yes, happy music definitely makes me so cheerful that I cannot explain it in words because it helps me gradually reduce my stress.

Use simple present 'makes' for general truths. 'Could not explain' is wrong tense/modal; use 'cannot explain'. Remove 'to' after 'help' when followed by base verb 'reduce'.

× And also I'll be in a state of man where I'll be dancing and I'll keep other purple dance with me also.

✓ Also I get into a playful mood, I dance and encourage others to dance with me.

'State of man' is incorrect phrase; use 'mood' or 'playful mood'. 'Keep other purple dance with me' is unintelligible; replace with 'encourage others to dance with me' and fix pronouns/verbs for clarity.

× So I think happy music will always hear me up a lot.

✓ So I think happy music always cheers me up a lot.

Use verb 'cheer' with object 'me' and particle 'up' -> 'cheers me up'. 'Hear me up' is incorrect.

× No, unfortunately I didn't manage to take any music classes.

✓ No, unfortunately I didn't manage to take any music classes.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable for past reference; keep as is. (No change needed.)

× That's very sad for me too, but I would love to take uh, in future.

✓ That's sad for me too, but I would love to take classes in the future.

Add 'classes' for clarity and use 'in the future' as standard phrase. 'Would love to take in future' is missing object and article.

× And also I have uh, attended some of the music classes in YouTube when I was so much into this music and I wanted to try it a lot.

✓ I have attended some music classes on YouTube when I was very into this music and wanted to try it.

Use 'on YouTube' not 'in YouTube'. 'So much into this music' should be 'very into this music'. Past time reference with present perfect is acceptable but keep concise.

× So at that time I did, but I would love to do it.

✓ So I tried them then, and I would love to take more lessons.

Original is vague: 'did' lacks object. Replace with specific verbs and maintain consistency between past action and future desire.

× But that's a very interesting part of.

✓ But that's a very interesting part of my life.

Sentence is incomplete; add object 'my life' to complete the idea.

× Yes, I'm a person who loves to hear music while I'm doing stuffs like cleaning my room, washing my clothes or organizing stuffs, I'll be uh, putting the music and I'll be dancing and so that I feel less stressed and also I don't feel bored.

✓ Yes, I love to listen to music while doing things like cleaning my room, washing my clothes or organizing; I put on music and dance so I feel less stressed and not bored.

Use 'stuff' or 'things' rather than 'stuffs'. Use 'listen to music' not 'hear music'. Replace 'putting the music' with 'put on music'. Use simple present for habitual actions.

× I'll be motivated to do more works like that.

✓ I feel more motivated to do more tasks like that.

Use 'work' uncountable or 'tasks' plural; 'do more works' is incorrect. Use 'feel more motivated' for natural phrasing.

× Then I'll be doing such things, yeah.

✓ Then I do such things.

Use simple present 'I do' for habitual actions; remove unnecessary future continuous 'I'll be' and filler 'yeah'.