Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and complete your sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific reason with a brief example. Avoid repetition and sentence fragments. Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas.

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me focus. For example, upbeat songs cheer me up when I’m stressed, so I can enjoy my tasks more.

提案: Fix pronunciation/word choice and finish your example. Use one clear reason and a complete, specific example. Use linking words such as “because” and “for example” correctly and avoid repeating the same word (happy) too often.

例: Yes, happy music makes me more excited because the tempo and rhythm energize me. For example, when I hear an upbeat song in the morning, I feel motivated to exercise and start my day actively.

提案: Provide a clear, correctly structured response: state the fact, then give a specific detail (duration, what you learned) and a brief opinion. Correct grammar (e.g., I’ve been playing the piano) and use precise vocabulary (“classical” instead of “classic”).

例: Yes. I started piano lessons when I was six and I’ve been playing for ten years. I enjoy classical and relaxing pieces because they improve my concentration and musical technique.

提案: Be specific about activities and finish the reason. Use a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details with linking words (e.g., “for example,” “so”). Avoid vague phrases and unfinished clauses.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while studying or cleaning my room because it makes boring tasks more enjoyable. For example, soft instrumental music helps me concentrate while studying, and upbeat songs make cleaning feel faster.

× I prefer happy music because when I listen to happy music I always feel happy and I can enjoy everything, which actually I don't like to do for example when and I.

✓ I prefer happy music because when I listen to it I always feel happy and can enjoy everything, which I usually do not manage to do without music.

The original sentence has unclear structure and fragments ('for example when and I') and redundant repetition. This is a sentence structure error (type 26). Simplify by using a pronoun ('it') to avoid repetition, remove the fragment, and clarify the intended meaning ('do not manage to do without music'). Use parallel structure for 'feel happy and can enjoy.'

× Yes, I absolutely think happy music makes me happy and more excited because the temp or the rhythm makes me more positive feelings. For example when I listen to the.

✓ Yes, I absolutely think happy music makes me happy and more excited because the tempo or rhythm gives me more positive feelings. For example, when I listen to it, I feel uplifted.

The original has sentence fragments and word choice errors ('temp' should be 'tempo', 'makes me more positive feelings' is ungrammatical). This is sentence structure error (type 26) and also incorrect word form. Replace 'makes me more positive feelings' with 'gives me more positive feelings' or 'makes me feel more positive.' Complete the fragment by finishing the example with a clause and use the pronoun 'it.'

× Yes, when I was six years old, I took a piano lesson and I I've been running the piano for 10 years.

✓ Yes, when I was six years old, I took piano lessons, and I have been playing the piano for 10 years.

The original mixes past simple and present perfect incorrectly and has wrong verb choice 'running' instead of 'playing.' This is a past tense/present perfect issue (type 5) and verb form error. Use 'took piano lessons' (past simple for a past event) and 'have been playing' (present perfect continuous/simple to indicate experience over time).

× I like the classic music and relaxing music too.

✓ I like classical music and relaxing music too.

Using 'the classic music' is incorrect; the adjective form 'classical' should modify music. This is an incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs (type 13) and article misuse. Use 'classical music' without 'the.'

× I often listen to music while doing something, for example studying or cleaning up my room because I feel like I enjoy doing the things which actually I don't like it but music makes.

✓ I often listen to music while doing other things, for example studying or cleaning my room, because it makes doing things I usually do not enjoy more pleasant.

Original contains awkward phrasing, redundancy ('doing something' then 'doing the things'), and a dangling pronoun ('music makes' without object). This is a sentence structure error (type 26). Improve by specifying 'other things,' use parallel gerunds ('studying or cleaning my room'), remove redundant 'it', and complete the clause by stating how music affects the activity ('makes ... more pleasant').