Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more grammatical: begin with a direct topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetition. Focus on correct verb forms and word choice (e.g., "I lean towards", "tempo").

例: I lean towards happy music because it lifts my spirits and has an upbeat tempo. For example, upbeat pop songs help me feel more energetic and optimistic when I’m stressed.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then support it with a clear reason and an example. Use linking words like "because" or "so," and correct negatives ("can" vs "can't"). Avoid repetition and be specific about emotions and effects.

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited because its lively rhythm and bright melodies boost my mood. For instance, listening to energetic tracks in the morning helps me feel ready to face a stressful day.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, then add specific details using correct tense and vocabulary. Replace incorrect words ("bolt" → "bow") and use past tense for completed study. Mention a short example of what you learned or enjoyed.

例: Yes, I studied violin for three years. During lessons I learned how to hold the violin and bow correctly, and I also learned about the instrument’s history, which made me appreciate classical music more.

提案: Be direct and coherent: answer the question, then give a clear example of an activity and how music affects you. Use simple correct sentences, avoid fillers, and choose precise vocabulary for emotions and activities.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing chores like washing dishes or studying. Listening to mellow acoustic songs helps me relax and makes repetitive tasks more enjoyable.

× I learned towards happy music because, uh, it can lifting it can lift my spirit due to it a bit temp temple and it's embrace a positive outlook of the world world.

✓ I lean toward happy music because it can lift my spirits and embrace a positive outlook on the world.

The original contains incorrect verb forms and word choices: 'learned towards' should be 'lean toward' (present preference), 'it can lifting' should be 'it can lift' (base verb after modal/periphrasis), 'my spirit' plural 'spirits' is more natural, 'due to it a bit temp temple' is unclear and incorrect; replaced with concise phrasing, and 'outlook of the world world' should be 'outlook on the world'. Use present tense to express general preference and correct verb forms and preposition 'on'. Suggestion: Use the simple present for habitual preferences and the base verb after modal-like constructions (can), choose correct prepositions like 'on'.

× Absolutely happy music can make me see the world incredibly vibrant and well, it can't tackle tackle whatever the day throws at me like stress or anxious.

✓ Absolutely, happy music can make the world seem incredibly vibrant, and it helps me tackle whatever the day throws at me, like stress or anxiety.

Errors include repetition 'tackle tackle', incorrect modal/verb use 'it can't tackle' reversed meaning, and wrong word 'anxious' (adjective) instead of noun 'anxiety'. Also 'make me see the world' is awkward; 'make the world seem' is natural. Corrected to express intended positive effect. Suggestion: Ensure verbs match intended meaning (help vs cannot) and use nouns for conditions (anxiety).

× Yes, I have learned violin for three years and during the lessons I learn about how to hold the instrument and bolt it properly, and I usually learn about history of the instrument.

✓ Yes, I learned the violin for three years, and during the lessons I learned how to hold the instrument and bow it properly, and I usually learned about the history of the instrument.

Tense consistency problem: when describing a finished period in the past ('for three years' but implied finished), use simple past 'learned' or 'studied'. Repeated use of present 'learn' is inconsistent. 'Bolt' is incorrect; correct term is 'bow' (to play violin). Also add articles: 'the violin' and 'the history'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent for past experiences and use correct instrument vocabulary ('bow' not 'bolt'). Note: If the student still studies violin, use present perfect 'I have been learning the violin for three years' instead.

× Yes, for example, I usually listening to music when I was seeing the this is umm, it can uh maintain achieve force repository in my emotion like when I uh was in washing uh, this is with our music. I will feel shred, but with it, I can feel super chatted.

✓ Yes, for example, I usually listen to music when I am doing things; it helps regulate my emotions. For instance, when I am washing dishes with music, I feel relaxed and cheerful.

Multiple errors: 'I usually listening' should be 'I usually listen' (use base form after adverb 'usually'). Tense and structure are confused ('when I was seeing the this is' unclear). Replaced with clear present/simple continuous forms appropriate for habitual actions ('I usually listen', 'when I am washing dishes'). 'Maintain achieve force repository in my emotion' is meaningless—replaced with 'helps regulate my emotions'. 'I will feel shred' and 'super chatted' are incorrect words; replaced with 'relaxed and cheerful'. Suggestion: Use simple present for habitual actions, present continuous for actions happening now, and choose accurate vocabulary to describe emotions.