Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid small grammar issues and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details, using a linking word. Correct minor grammar (e.g. "her songs" not "her song").

例: I prefer happy music because it uplifts my mood and makes me feel more positive. For example, I often listen to upbeat R&B—Mariah Carey is my favorite artist because her songs reduce my stress and give me energy.

提案: Fix grammar errors and use linking words for clarity. Use correct subject-verb agreement ("its upbeat rhythm lifts"), avoid redundancy ("lifts my mood" and "boosts my energy" are similar). Keep answer within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes. Happy music makes me feel more excited because its upbeat rhythm lifts my mood and reduces stress. For instance, when I listen to cheerful songs at home I often start dancing along, which increases my energy.

提案: Good structure and clear reasons. Improve coherence with a linking word and shorten slightly. Avoid unnecessary details and ensure correct phrasing ("most of my disposable income" is fine).

例: No, I haven't taken any music classes because they are quite expensive and I need to spend most of my disposable income on my three children's clothes and food. However, I hope to save money in the future so I can take piano lessons when they are older.

提案: Organize into 2–3 coherent sentences, correct unclear phrases ("calms my naps", "UMM R&B", "It's very helpful for my new for my mood"). Be specific about how music helps and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I usually listen to music while doing household chores because it helps me work faster and improves my mood. For example, I often play R&B—especially Mariah Carey—while cleaning, and her songs make me feel calmer and more positive.

× Mariah Carey is my favorite singer because her song makes me feel less stressed and feel energetic.

✓ Mariah Carey is my favorite singer because her songs make me feel less stressed and more energetic.

Subject-verb agreement and parallelism: 'song' should be plural 'songs' to match the general statement about her music, and 'feel less stressed and feel energetic' is repetitive. Use 'make me feel less stressed and more energetic' for correct plural noun and smoother parallel structure.

× Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because it's upbeat rhythm lifts my mood and reduce stress, so I feel more energetic.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because its upbeat rhythm lifts my mood and reduces stress, so I feel more energetic.

Article/pronoun and subject-verb agreement: 'it's' (it is) is incorrect for possession; use the possessive pronoun 'its'. Also verb agreement: 'reduce' should be 'reduces' to agree with the singular subject 'rhythm'.

× ...it's upbeat rhythm lifts my mood and reduce stress...

✓ ...its upbeat rhythm lifts my mood and reduces stress...

Combined issues already addressed: possessive 'its' instead of 'it's' and third-person singular verb agreement 'reduces' for 'rhythm'.

× I listen to music while doing house chores.

✓ I listen to music while doing housework.

Word choice and collocation: 'house chores' is unnatural; 'housework' or 'household chores' are correct. No '-ing' change needed, but improve noun choice for idiomatic expression.

× It also calms my naps.

✓ It also helps me relax when I take naps.

Meaning and collocation: 'calms my naps' is ungrammatical. Use 'helps me relax when I take naps' to convey that music makes naps more restful.

× I love UMM R&B and Mariah Carey is my favorite.

✓ I love R&B and Mariah Carey is my favorite.

Typo/unknown expression: 'UMM R&B' appears to be a typo or filler. Remove 'UMM' to produce a clear sentence. Also consider adding a conjunction: 'I love R&B, and Mariah Carey is my favorite.' for better flow.

× It's very helpful for my new for my mood and mental health.

✓ It's very helpful for my mood and mental health.

Word order and redundancy: The original contains 'new for my mood' which is incorrect and redundant. Removing 'new for' gives a correct, concise sentence expressing that music benefits mood and mental health.

× No, I've never taken any music classes because they are quite expensive and I have three children so I need to spend most of my disposable income on their clothes and food.

✓ No, I've never taken any music classes because they are quite expensive, and I have three children, so I need to spend most of my disposable income on their clothes and food.

Punctuation and sentence structure: Add commas to separate clauses for clarity. Grammar itself is acceptable (present perfect 'I've never taken' is correct); improvements are stylistic to enhance readability.

× I hope to save money in the future so I can take piano lessons when my children are older.

✓ I hope to save money so I can take piano lessons when my children are older.

Redundancy: 'in the future' is unnecessary because 'hope' already implies future; removing it creates a more natural sentence while keeping correct tense and intended meaning.