Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a concise topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Also correct basic grammar (verb forms, pronouns) and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘cheerful’ or ‘upbeat’).

例: I prefer happy music. Firstly, upbeat songs lift my mood and help me feel more positive. For example, when I’m tired or stressed I play cheerful pop music because it makes me feel more energetic and less anxious.

提案: Answer directly and organize ideas: state ‘yes’ or ‘no’ then explain with clear reasons and a specific example. Reduce hesitations and filler words. Use correct grammar (e.g., subject–verb agreement) and clearer vocabulary (e.g., ‘energetic’, ‘uplifting’, ‘rhythmic’).

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited. Because I am a dancer, energetic rhythms help me move with more power. For instance, upbeat hip-hop tracks give me energy and make me want to practice choreography more actively.

提案: Keep the response short and relevant: answer the question first, then add one clear relevant detail. Avoid irrelevant or confusing phrases. Use correct tense and smoother linking words (e.g., ‘however’, ‘but’, ‘instead’).

例: No, I haven’t taken any music classes. However, I often listen to music while I work or study because upbeat songs help me concentrate and stay motivated.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence then add 1–2 specific activities and a brief reason. Use linking words (e.g., ‘for example’, ‘such as’) and correct verb forms. Avoid vague phrases like ‘whatever’.

例: Yes, I listen to music almost all the time. For example, I play podcasts or upbeat playlists when I’m jogging or walking, and mellow songs when I’m eating because they help me relax.

× I prefer happy music because I personally related to the sad person so that's why I always listen to happy music to make my more phrased and happy whatever.

✓ I prefer happy music because I personally relate to sad feelings, so I always listen to happy music to make myself feel more relaxed and happy.

The original uses incorrect pronouns and noun phrases ('related to the sad person', 'my more phrased') and unclear wording. 'Relate' should be present tense to match general preference. Replace 'the sad person' with 'sad feelings' for clarity. Use the reflexive pronoun 'myself' after 'make' and correct the adjective 'relaxed' for natural phrasing. Remove filler 'whatever'.

× Yes, it feels more excited when I especially I, I am a dancer, so I feel every music.

✓ Yes, I feel more excited, especially because I am a dancer and I respond to every kind of music.

Adverb placement and subject reference are incorrect: 'it feels more excited' uses 'it' incorrectly; the experiencer should be 'I'. 'Especially I, I am a dancer' repeats subject and is ungrammatical. Reorder to put 'especially' before the reason clause and use 'respond to' or 'feel' with 'music'.

× What uh like uh, popping music like lyrical music board.

✓ I like popping music and lyrical music.

The original is fragmented and uses nouns awkwardly ('music board'). Remove fillers and simplify to a correct coordinated noun phrase. 'Popping' may be intended as a genre; keep it as an adjective describing music.

× I love the hip hop music which give me the more energy and more actively.

✓ I love hip hop music because it gives me more energy and makes me more active.

Subject-verb agreement and pronoun use: 'which give' should be 'which gives' or better 'because it gives'. 'More actively' is an adverb where an adjective 'more active' or 'make me more active' is needed. Remove the article 'the' before 'hip hop music' for natural usage.

× No, I did not take on any music classes, but I love listening music when I'm doing work and when I'm going to Apple like whatever outside and when I'm studying then I'm always listening happy music to my to face my mind.

✓ No, I have not taken any music classes, but I love listening to music when I'm working, when I'm going out, and when I'm studying; I always listen to happy music to clear my mind.

Use present perfect 'have not taken' for life experience. 'Take on' is incorrect; use 'taken'. 'Listening music' requires preposition 'to'. 'Going to Apple' is unclear—likely 'going out'. 'To my to face my mind' is ungrammatical; replace with 'to clear my mind'.

× Yes, I always listen music. When I'm doing work or whatever, what I want to do, when I'm walking, jogging, when I'm eating, I always listening music. I love to listen music.

✓ Yes, I always listen to music. When I'm working, walking, jogging, or eating, I always listen to music. I love listening to music.

Missing preposition 'to' after 'listen'. 'Doing work' is better as 'working'. Remove filler phrases and ensure correct verb forms: 'I always listening music' should be 'I always listen to music' and 'I love to listen music' should be 'I love listening to music' or 'I love to listen to music'.