Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and eliminate fillers (uh, um). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with examples. Use varied vocabulary (melancholic, somber) and correct word forms. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer sad or melancholic music because I find it emotionally rich and relatable. For example, I often listen to Lana Del Rey because her songs combine haunting melodies with thoughtful lyrics. This style helps me relax and reflect after a busy day.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then support it with a clear, specific example. Avoid repetition and grammar errors (doesn't depend, genres). Use linking words (however, for example) to organize your response.

例: Not necessarily. Although upbeat music can be energizing, my excitement depends more on the tempo and context. For example, I get excited by fast techno when I'm at a party or commuting, but I remain calm when I listen to happy pop alone at home.

提案: Use correct tenses and clearer chronology (I studied piano as a child; ten years ago I took singing lessons). Be specific about duration and what you learned. Keep answers short and avoid awkward phrases.

例: Yes. As a child I took piano lessons for about two years, and I loved the instrument because its tone suited melancholic music. About ten years ago I also took singing lessons to improve my vocal technique.

提案: Answer directly, then give two specific typical situations. Remove redundancy and correct phrasing (I listen to music every day; on the train). Use linking words (for example, also) to make it coherent.

例: Yes, I listen to music while doing many daily activities. For example, I play music on the train during my commute and again in the evening while I cook dinner. It helps me pass the time and improves my mood.

× I prefer sad music rather than happy because, uh, my favorite style style is something correlated with melanchonic music.

✓ I prefer sad music to happy music because my favorite style is related to melancholic music.

Use 'prefer A to B' instead of 'prefer A rather than B'; include the noun after 'happy' for clarity; 'correlated with' is awkward here—use 'related to'; 'melanchonic' is incorrect form—use 'melancholic'. Remove repeated word 'style'.

× For this reason, my favorite singer is the American artist Lana Del Rey, and uh, in my opinion, she is is the queen of sad and melanchonic music.

✓ For this reason, my favorite singer is the American artist Lana Del Rey, and in my opinion, she is the queen of sad and melancholic music.

Remove duplicate 'is is'. 'Melanchonic' should be 'melancholic'. Avoid filler 'uh' in formal responses. Sentence otherwise fine after removing repetition and correcting adjective form.

× I don't think so because my excitement doesn't depends on the type of music I'm listening.

✓ I don't think so because my excitement doesn't depend on the type of music I'm listening to.

After 'doesn't' the verb should be in base form 'depend' (subject-verb agreement and auxiliary use). Also add preposition 'to' after 'listening' when followed by an object.

× Because sometimes I feel more excited, for instance with the techno music or something like jets or similar styles or similar genres.

✓ Sometimes I feel more excited, for instance with techno music or similar genres, like electronic or dance.

Avoid starting a sentence with 'Because' as a fragment; remove article 'the' before uncountable genre names ('techno music'); 'jets' is unclear—replace with specific genre examples. Streamline 'similar styles or similar genres' to 'similar genres'.

× So for this reason I don't think there is a correlation between my excitement and the happy music I'm listening.

✓ So for this reason I don't think there is a correlation between my excitement and the happy music I listen to.

Use simple present 'I listen to' to describe habitual action. Add 'to' after 'listen'. Avoid using progressive 'I'm listening' when talking about general habits.

× When I was a child, I've studied the piano for twice a year, something like that, and it was absolutely my favorite instrument because as I said before, I'm a melancholy lover music.

✓ When I was a child, I studied piano for about two years, and it was definitely my favorite instrument because, as I said before, I love melancholy music.

Use simple past 'I studied' for completed past actions rather than present perfect 'I've studied' with a past time reference. 'For twice a year' is incorrect—likely 'for about two years' or 'twice a week'; 'I'm a melancholy lover music' is ungrammatical; change to 'I love melancholy music'.

× So for this reason the piano is perfect for this type of genre.

✓ Therefore, the piano is perfect for this genre.

Use 'therefore' or 'so' without 'for this reason the'; 'type of genre' is redundant—use 'this genre'. Minor preposition/word choice improvement.

× And also around 10 years ago I have studied sing.

✓ Also, about ten years ago I studied singing.

Use simple past 'studied' for a specific time in the past; 'have studied' is incorrect with a past time expression. 'Sing' should be the gerund 'singing' after 'studied' to indicate the subject learned the activity.

× So for this reason I like listening music and everyday of my, in every moment of my day from morning to evening.

✓ So for this reason I like listening to music every day, at every moment from morning to evening.

Use 'listening to music' (verb + preposition). 'Everyday' (adjective) vs 'every day' (adverb): use 'every day'. Reorder phrase for clarity.

× For instance, I listen music when I'm in the train for going to work or just during the evening when I'm preparing my dinner.

✓ For instance, I listen to music when I'm on the train going to work or in the evening when I'm preparing dinner.

Use 'listen to music'. Use preposition 'on the train' (not 'in the train') and simplify 'for going to work' to 'going to work'. 'My dinner' can be 'dinner' in general context.

× So yeah, absolutely. Yes, I there is a big correlation.

✓ So yeah, absolutely. No, I don't think there is a big correlation.

The original contradicts earlier statements and has wrong word order 'I there is'. If the student meant 'there is a big correlation' it contradicts previous answers; likely intended 'I don't think there is a big correlation'. Correct word order and negate properly.