Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatical, concise and specific. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct word choice (e.g., "improves" instead of "enables"), avoid repetition, and add one specific reason or example. Use a linking phrase if you add extra detail.

例: I prefer happy music because it improves my mood and helps me think more positively. For example, upbeat songs with a fast tempo make me feel more energetic and motivate me to do things like exercise or clean the house.

提案: Give a direct, grammatical answer and support it with a concise reason or an example. Avoid awkward phrases (e.g., "invigorates my character") and link ideas smoothly with words like "because" or "for example." Keep to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms raise my energy levels. For example, when I listen to lively pop songs I feel motivated to go for a run or start a creative project.

提案: Answer directly and use correct tense and phrasing. Avoid run-on or broken sentences and insensitive phrasing like "endure me." Give a brief specific explanation and, if relevant, mention any self-study or current interest to enrich your response.

例: No, I haven't taken any formal music classes because my family couldn't afford them when I was a child. However, I learned to play a few songs by watching online videos and practicing on my own.

提案: Be fluent and choose natural phrases (e.g., "housework" not "house course"). Combine short ideas into one clear sentence and add a specific example and linking word to explain the effect on your mood.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing housework, such as washing dishes or cleaning my apartment. Listening to upbeat music makes the chores feel more enjoyable and lifts my mood.

× I prefer happy music because it enables my mood and and also.

✓ I prefer happy music because it improves my mood.

The verb 'enable' is incorrect with 'mood'; 'improve' or 'lift' is appropriate. Also there is a duplicated 'and'. Use a direct verb-object structure: 'improves my mood.' This keeps present simple for general preference and avoids extra conjunctions.

× It could translate into positive way of thinking.

✓ It can translate into a more positive way of thinking.

The phrase needs an article 'a' before 'positive way' and 'more' clarifies degree. 'Could' is possible but 'can' aligns with general effect described in present tense. Use correct article and adverb for natural phrasing.

× Yes, I feel excited when I'm here, the happy music because it invigorates my character. Thus. I could use it in a positive way.

✓ Yes, I feel excited when I hear happy music because it invigorates my character, so I can use it in a positive way.

Sentence fragments and punctuation errors: replace 'when I'm here, the happy music' with 'when I hear happy music.' 'Thus.' is a fragment; combine clauses with 'so.' Use 'can' instead of 'could' to state a habitual ability. Keep present simple ('invigorates') for general truth.

× I didn't take any music classes because when I was a child.

✓ I didn't take any music classes when I was a child.

The original has an unnecessary 'because' that creates an incomplete subordinate clause. Remove 'because' to make a complete time clause that correctly uses simple past for past events.

× We are very poor and my family can't afford to endure me in a music class.

✓ We were very poor and my family couldn't afford to put me in a music class.

Tense consistency: use past 'were' and 'couldn't' to match 'when I was a child.' 'Endure me' is incorrect collocation; the correct phrasing is 'put me in' (or 'enroll me in') a class. Use past modal 'couldn't' for inability in the past.

× Yes, I listen to music. I listen during my house course, like washing dishes, uh, cleaning my apartment.

✓ Yes, I listen to music while doing household chores, like washing dishes and cleaning my apartment.

Replace fragment 'I listen during my house course' with 'while doing household chores' for correct collocation. Combine related activities with 'and' and remove filler 'uh' for clarity. Use present simple for habitual actions.

× It can happier my mood.

✓ It can make my mood happier.

'Happier' is an adjective and cannot directly take the verb 'can' without 'make' or a linking verb. Use 'make my mood happier' or 'cheer me up.' Keep present modal 'can' to express general possibility.