Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp và trật tự từ để câu tự nhiên hơn; tránh lặp từ và thêm cụm dẫn để làm rõ lý do. Cụ thể: (1) Sử dụng thì và hình thái động từ chính xác (ví dụ: 'helps' thay vì 'help'), (2) sửa lỗi tính từ/ trạng từ ('comfortable' -> 'feel comfortable' hoặc 'comfortable' dùng đúng vị trí), (3) rút gọn và nối ý bằng liên từ thích hợp, (4) hạn chế ví dụ thừa và giữ độ dài trong 3-4 câu.

例: I prefer happy music because it helps me relax and feel comfortable. For instance, when I study in the library I usually listen to upbeat songs because they keep me focused and in a good mood.

提案: Cải thiện rõ ràng ý chính và ngữ pháp; tránh cụm từ mơ hồ như 'feel with music'. Cụ thể: (1) Trả lời trực tiếp trước rồi giải thích ngắn gọn, (2) dùng động từ chia đúng (helps), (3) đưa ra mô tả cụ thể về cảm xúc, (4) dùng liên từ như 'so' hoặc 'therefore' để nối lý do và kết quả.

例: Yes, happy music usually makes me feel more energetic. For example, when I'm sad or bored I play upbeat 'beach' songs, so they lift my spirits and make me feel more positive.

提案: Sắp xếp ý theo trình tự thời gian và chỉnh ngữ pháp; tránh lặp 'lesson' nhiều lần. Cụ thể: (1) Mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn (Yes/No + brief), (2) dùng thì quá khứ cho trải nghiệm trước và hiện tại hoàn thành cho sở thích hiện tại nếu cần, (3) thêm chi tiết ngắn về trải nghiệm hoặc lý do để làm rõ.

例: Yes. I took piano lessons when I was twelve because my parents encouraged me. More recently I've been learning guitar and trying singing lessons as well because I enjoy making music.

提案: Tránh lặp và sắp xếp danh sách hoạt động mạch lạc; sửa ngữ pháp và dùng liên từ hợp lý. Cụ thể: (1) Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề trực tiếp ('Yes, I often...'), (2) gộp các hoạt động tương tự, (3) dùng động từ đúng hình thức ('helps', 'enjoy listening'), (4) giới hạn 2-3 ví dụ cụ thể thay vì liệt kê dài.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing everyday tasks. For example, I play music when I'm washing the dishes or studying because it helps me relax and improves my mood.

× I really love happy music because happy music help me relax and comfortable.

✓ I really love happy music because happy music helps me relax and feel comfortable.

The verb 'help' must agree with singular subject 'happy music', so use 'helps' (third person singular). Also 'comfortable' is an adjective describing a state and needs the verb 'feel' to be grammatically correct. Suggestion: Use 'helps me relax and feel comfortable.'

× For example, I usually go to library to study.

✓ For example, I usually go to the library to study.

The noun 'library' is a specific place in this context and requires the definite article 'the'. Suggestion: Use 'go to the library' when referring to a specific or known place.

× I always choose happy music.

✓ I always choose happy music.

This sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. (Included to show it's fine.)

× Yes, for example when I feel sad or bored I usually choose a beach song because it help me comfortable and I usually feel with music.

✓ Yes, for example when I feel sad or bored I usually choose a beach song because it helps me feel comfortable and I usually feel better with music.

'It' (referring to the song/music) requires third person singular verb 'helps'. 'Help me comfortable' is incorrect; use 'help me feel comfortable'. Also 'I usually feel with music' is incomplete — specify 'feel better with music'. Suggestion: Use clear verb phrases: 'helps me feel comfortable' and 'feel better with music.'

× I took piano lesson when I was 12 because my parents encouraged me and now I love the guitar and I went to take guitar lesson and also try singing.

✓ I took piano lessons when I was 12 because my parents encouraged me, and now I love the guitar; I took guitar lessons and also tried singing.

Use plural 'lessons' for repeated classes. Maintain consistent past tense: 'took' and 'tried' for past actions. 'I went to take guitar lesson' is awkward; better 'I took guitar lessons.' Suggestion: Use consistent tense and correct plural form: 'piano lessons', 'took guitar lessons', 'tried singing.'

× Doing other things.

✓ (remove fragment)

This is a sentence fragment without a verb or subject. It should be attached to the next sentence or removed. Suggestion: Start with 'Yes, I often...' or remove the fragment.

× I often listen to music while I am doing all the things such as washing the dishes or reading a book, studying or playing or going shopping because music help me relax and improve my mood so I enjoy listen to music.

✓ I often listen to music while I am doing various things such as washing the dishes, reading a book, studying, playing, or going shopping because music helps me relax and improve my mood, so I enjoy listening to music.

Use 'various' instead of 'all the things' for naturalness. 'Help' needs third person singular 'helps' to agree with singular subject 'music'. 'Enjoy listen to music' is incorrect; use the gerund 'enjoy listening to music.' Also add commas and parallel structure in the list. Suggestion: Use consistent verb forms and parallel list items, and 'helps' + 'enjoy listening.'