Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, word choice and sentence structure; make answer more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with a linking word. Avoid redundant phrases and correct collocations (e.g., “danceable,” “lift my mood,” “feel depressed”).

例: I prefer happy music because upbeat, danceable songs lift my mood and give me energy throughout the day. For example, when I listen to cheerful pop, I feel more motivated to exercise or study, whereas slow, melancholy songs often make me feel low and less productive.

提案: Reduce repetition and fix grammar and collocations. Give a concise topic sentence, then a specific example or result linked with a connector (e.g., “for example,” “so”). Avoid hyperbolic or unclear phrases like “brand new persons.”

例: Yes, happy music usually makes me feel more excited and energetic. For example, upbeat songs help me wake up in the morning and stay focused while I exercise, so I often play them before important tasks.

提案: Correct grammar and tense, remove repetitions, and clarify the reason for wanting classes. Use one clear sentence saying you haven't taken classes, then one sentence explaining why and giving a specific example of what you want to improve.

例: No, I haven't taken any formal music classes, but I would like to in the near future. For instance, I want vocal lessons because sometimes my pitch and tone are unstable when I sing, so training could help me control my voice.

提案: Fix verb forms and reduce filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific activities and explain effects with linking words. Use correct tense and collocations (e.g., “I often listen,” “in the background,” “helps me relax”).

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other things. For example, I usually have music in the background when I shower, do my makeup, or study, because it helps me relax and improves my concentration.

× I prefer happy music because upbeat and dance able songs leave my mood and make me energize throughout the day.

✓ I prefer happy music because upbeat and danceable songs lift my mood and make me feel energized throughout the day.

Errors: 'dance able' should be one adjective 'danceable'; 'leave my mood' is incorrect collocation — use 'lift my mood'; 'make me energize' is incorrect verb pattern — use 'make me feel energized' or 'energize me'. Suggestion: use correct compound adjective 'danceable', choose appropriate verb collocations for emotions ('lift my mood'), and use 'feel + adjective' or passive participle after 'make' ('make me feel energized' or 'energize me').

× By contrast, melancholy also songs sometimes feel depressing and make me less motivated.

✓ By contrast, melancholy songs sometimes feel depressing and make me less motivated.

'Melancholy also songs' is incorrect word order and extra word 'also' is unnecessary. Use 'melancholy songs'. Ensure adjective directly precedes noun and remove redundant words.

× Of course, happy music makes me feel like I'm a brand new persons and I have more energy to do anything and just a happy music leave my mood and make my day brighter.

✓ Of course, happy music makes me feel like I'm a brand new person; I have more energy to do anything, and happy music lifts my mood and makes my day brighter.

Errors: 'persons' should be singular 'person' to agree with 'I'm a'; 'just a happy music leave my mood' has article and verb agreement errors — 'music' is uncountable so drop 'a', use 'lifts' singular verb and 'makes' for third-person singular. Also split long run-on sentence into clearer clauses. Suggestion: watch countability and subject-verb agreement for singular subjects ('music' takes singular verbs).

× No, not really. I'm haven't had any attend any music classes in the field in the past, but in in the near future I really want to attend the music classes because sometime when I sing Sankara key my voice is a little bit bad.

✓ No, not really. I haven't attended any music classes in the past, but in the near future I really want to attend music classes because sometimes when I sing Sankaraki my voice is a little bit bad.

Errors: 'I'm haven't had any attend any' mixes contractions and verb forms incorrectly. Use simple present perfect 'I haven't attended'. Remove redundant 'the' before plural 'music classes'. 'sometime' should be 'sometimes'. Suggestion: use correct perfect form 'have/has + past participle' and correct adverb forms.

× Yes, I often listening to music while I do all the things. Uh, honestly I used to having music on in the background when I'm taking shower, doing my makeup, or studying at home because it's helped me relax and concentrate.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music while I do things. Honestly, I usually have music on in the background when I'm taking a shower, doing my makeup, or studying at home because it helps me relax and concentrate.

Errors: 'often listening' should be simple present 'often listen' for habitual actions. 'used to having' is incorrect; use 'usually have' or 'used to have' with different meaning. 'taking shower' needs article 'a shower'. 'it's helped me' incorrect tense and contraction; use 'it helps me' for habitual effect. Suggestion: use simple present for routines, correct -ing vs base verb forms, and proper articles with countable nouns.