Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and fillers, and give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid overly personal medical detail; instead say ‘when I feel reflective’. Keep answers under five sentences.

例: I usually prefer happy music because it helps me feel energized and focused when I’m working or exercising. However, I sometimes choose sad songs when I want to reflect or process emotions, for example after a stressful day.

提案: Improve grammar and cohesion: give a direct answer, then provide two concise reasons with linking words (for example, ‘because’ or ‘also’). Reduce repetition and use correct verb forms and collocations (e.g., ‘it energizes me’ not ‘makes me energize’).

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms lift my mood and faster tempos increase my energy. It also motivates me to tackle tasks more quickly.

提案: Be direct and avoid hesitations: answer clearly (‘No’) then briefly explain with two specific reasons using linking words (‘because’, ‘so’). Avoid self-deprecating comments like ‘I don’t have the talent’—instead say you haven’t had the opportunity. Limit to three sentences.

例: No, I haven't taken any music classes. I haven't had the time because of work and study commitments, and I also lacked access to nearby classes or instruments. I hope to attend lessons in the future when my schedule allows.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and two specific examples using linking words (‘for example’, ‘while’). Remove hesitations and unfinished sentences. Use precise language (e.g., ‘I prefer classical music for concentration’).

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks. For example, I play classical music when I need to concentrate on work, while I listen to energetic pop like BTS when I’m doing household chores because it keeps me motivated.

× Well, it depends on my mood. Happy music, I use it.

✓ Well, it depends on my mood. I use happy music.

The original sentence misorders words and repeats pronouns. This is a present-tense declarative statement; use subject + verb + object: 'I use happy music.' Keep related phrases together for clarity.

× I listen to happy music when I need to be energized, when I need to to work or when I need to work out.

✓ I listen to happy music when I need to be energized, when I need to work, or when I need to work out.

The phrase contained a duplicated 'to' and inconsistent verb forms. After 'need to' use the base verb: 'need to work.' Remove duplicate 'to' and keep parallel structure for the list.

× But I also enjoy listening to sad music, especially when I want to be emotional or when I'm about to get my period. I would.

✓ But I also enjoy listening to sad music, especially when I want to be emotional or when I'm about to get my period.

The trailing 'I would' is incomplete and unnecessary. Removing it yields a correct present-tense statement. If intending a conditional, complete the clause (e.g., 'I would choose sad music then').

× Of course, it listening to happy music makes me excited.

✓ Of course, listening to happy music makes me excited.

The sentence has an extraneous pronoun 'it' before the gerund 'listening.' Remove 'it' to use the gerund phrase as the subject: 'Listening to happy music makes me excited.'

× I think it's one of the reasons why I listen to the happy music.

✓ I think it's one of the reasons why I listen to happy music.

Using 'the' before 'happy music' is unnecessary and unnatural here. General genres or kinds of music usually take no article: 'happy music.' Removing 'the' corrects the article error.

× And aside from making it making me excited, happy music also makes me energize, motivated to do all of my tasks.

✓ And aside from making me excited, happy music also energizes me and makes me feel motivated to do all of my tasks.

The phrase 'making it making me excited' repeats and misplaces 'it.' 'Makes me energize' is incorrect because 'energize' is transitive; use 'energizes me' or 'makes me feel energized.' Also separate ideas with 'and' and maintain correct verb forms and object placement.

× I would love to but unfortunately I haven't had any music classes or haven't done any music classes.

✓ I would love to, but unfortunately I haven't taken any music classes.

'Taken' is the correct past participle for 'take' in present perfect. The original repeats the negative and uses 'have done' awkwardly. Use a single clear construction: 'I haven't taken any music classes.'

× First off, umm I don't have the time, I don't have the second I don't have the resources and 3rd I don't have the talent to to join a music class.

✓ First off, I don't have the time; secondly, I don't have the resources; and third, I don't have the talent to join a music class.

The original mixes list formats and repeats 'to.' Use parallel list markers ('first/second/third' or 'firstly/secondly/thirdly'), consistent punctuation, and remove duplicate 'to.' Also replace casual fillers for clarity.

× Yes, I do listen to music, umm, a lot when I'm doing other things.

✓ Yes, I listen to music a lot when I'm doing other things.

'Do listen' is grammatical for emphasis but unnecessary here. Simplify to 'I listen' for natural present-tense narration; also move 'a lot' after 'music' for natural word order.

× So for example, when I work and I try to and I want to concentrate and listen to classical music, but when I do my household chores, I need to listen to my favorite artist who is BTS because they have a lot of energetic songs.

✓ For example, when I work and want to concentrate, I listen to classical music; but when I do my household chores, I listen to my favorite artist, BTS, because they have many energetic songs.

Original contained repetition ('I try to and I want to') and awkward conjunctions. Combine clauses for clarity, remove redundant phrases, and use parallel verb forms. Replace 'a lot of energetic songs' with 'many energetic songs' for smoother phrasing.

× So I listen to music a lot even when I was about.

✓ So I listen to music a lot even when I was younger.

The fragment 'even when I was about' is incomplete. Likely intended 'when I was younger.' Use past tense 'was' with a clear time reference. Provide the missing word to complete the idea.