Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and clearer: start with a direct topic sentence, correct word choices, reduce redundancy, and limit to up to five sentences. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and give a specific example. Pronunciation/word choice errors like “obit” and “sleep my mood” should be corrected to “upbeat” and “lift my mood.”

例: I prefer happy music because upbeat rhythms and positive lyrics lift my mood and help me focus when I work or exercise. For example, I often listen to cheerful pop or reggae when doing chores or studying, which makes tasks feel more energizing and enjoyable.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, correct vocabulary and avoid repeating synonyms. Use one clear example and link cause and effect. Replace incorrect words like “obit” and “musky” with “upbeat” and “catchy” or “melodic.” Keep sentences shorter and clearer.

例: Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms and catchy melodies raise my energy. For example, I play lively pop tracks while I warm up for a run, which makes me feel more motivated and improves my performance.

提案: Answer directly, avoid repetition, and organize with a linking phrase. Be specific about what you learned and how. Limit to two to three sentences and correct phrasing (e.g., “I teach myself using online tutorials” rather than “I learn a little bit through my own”).

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes, but I have taught myself basic guitar and music theory through online tutorials on YouTube and other social platforms. Those lessons helped me learn chords and simple songs.

提案: Be concise and structured: give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details with correct vocabulary. Remove repeated words like “especially.” Use correct terms (e.g., “instrumental or low‑key tracks,” “study sessions,” “meal prep”).

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing household tasks, especially when I'm cooking or cleaning. For example, I play instrumental or low‑key tracks during study sessions to help me concentrate, and lively pop songs when I prepare meals to make the time more enjoyable.

× I generally prefer happy music because it's obit rhythms and positive lyrics sleep my mood and help me focus, especially when I'm working or exercise.

✓ I generally prefer happy music because it has upbeat rhythms and positive lyrics that lift my mood and help me focus, especially when I'm working or exercising.

The sentence contains adjective/adverb misuse and word choice errors: 'obit' should be 'upbeat' (adjective), 'sleep my mood' is incorrect and should be 'lift my mood' (verb phrase), and 'exercise' should be the gerund 'exercising' to match 'when I'm'. Also add 'that' to introduce the relative clause. Suggestion: use correct adjective 'upbeat', correct verb phrase 'lift my mood', and use gerund for activities after 'when'.

× For example, cheerful pop or reggae tracks to energize me and make my daily tasks feel more enjoyable.

✓ For example, cheerful pop or reggae tracks energize me and make my daily tasks feel more enjoyable.

This fragment misuses infinitive structure and lacks a main verb; remove 'to' and make it a complete clause with present tense verb 'energize'. Ensure sentence is complete and fits the context.

× As happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because obit rhythms and musky melodies naturally lift my mood and increase my energy.

✓ Happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms and catchy melodies naturally lift my mood and increase my energy.

Word choice errors: 'obit' should be 'upbeat' and 'musky' (which relates to smell) is incorrect; 'catchy' or 'melodic' fits better. 'As' at the start is unnecessary; remove it for clarity. Use appropriate adjectives for music descriptions.

× For example, when I listen to the live lively pop cheerful songs or tracks while preparing for a run and I feel more motivated and enthusiastic, which helps me perform better.

✓ For example, when I listen to lively pop songs while preparing for a run, I feel more motivated and enthusiastic, which helps me perform better.

The original has redundant adjectives ('live lively pop cheerful') and a faulty clause structure with two 'and' connectors. Remove redundancy and reorder to a clear subordinate-main clause structure: 'when I listen..., I feel...'. Keep adjectives minimal and in natural order.

× No, I have not taken any formal musical classes, but I learn a little bit through my own by watching online tutorials in social media platforms.

✓ No, I have not taken any formal music classes, but I have learned a little on my own by watching online tutorials on social media platforms.

Tense consistency: use present perfect 'have learned' to match 'have not taken'. 'Musical classes' is awkward; 'music classes' is better. 'Through my own' is incorrect; use 'on my own'. Preposition 'on' fits 'on social media platforms'. Ensure tense agreement and correct prepositions.

× But I have never attended official lesson classes.

✓ But I have never attended any official lessons or classes.

'Official lesson classes' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use plural 'lessons' or 'classes' and add 'any' for negative sentences. Choose one noun or use 'lessons or classes' for clarity.

× As I often listen to music while doing the other tasks, especially house, especially my household chores, especially when I'm starting on cooking because it's helped me concentrate and gives my mood a bit.

✓ I often listen to music while doing other tasks, especially household chores and when I'm cooking, because it helps me concentrate and improves my mood a bit.

Remove unnecessary 'As' and redundant 'especially' repetitions. Use 'other tasks' (no 'the'), 'household chores' is correct, and 'when I'm cooking' is natural. Tense: 'helps' (present) matches habitual action. 'Gives my mood a bit' is incorrect; use 'improves my mood a bit'.

× For example, I play instrumental or low fee tracks during study session to reduce distraction and lively pop songs when I'm preparing meals to make the tour more enjoyable.

✓ For example, I play instrumental or low-key tracks during study sessions to reduce distractions, and lively pop songs when I'm preparing meals to make the time more enjoyable.

Word choice: 'low fee' is wrong; 'low-key' or 'soft' fits. Use plural 'study sessions' and 'distractions'. 'Tour' is incorrect in this context; use 'time'. Also add a comma and conjunction for clarity. Ensure noun forms are plural where appropriate.