Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (verb forms, articles, and duplication), shorten and make it more natural with one clear topic sentence and one supporting detail. Remove repetitions and use a linking phrase to explain reason. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., “cheerful” or “uplifting”) and avoid long subordinate clauses that cause hesitations.

例: I prefer happy or uplifting music. For example, when I face a difficult situation I avoid sad songs because they make me feel more anxious, so I usually choose upbeat tracks to stay positive.

提案: Correct subject-verb agreement and article use, and make sentences concise. Use a linking word to give an example and specify the effect. Also replace vague phrases like “upbeat rhythm” with “an upbeat rhythm” or “upbeat rhythms.”

例: Definitely. Happy music motivates me because its upbeat rhythms lift my mood and boost my energy. For example, I play a pop playlist on Monday mornings to help me wake up and concentrate.

提案: Fix incorrect word choices and awkward phrases (e.g., “extra curricular activity”, “in front of an audience”, “improving my skills”). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a concise supporting detail about what you learned and how it felt. Avoid redundant words.

例: Yes. I was in my high school's brass band and played the tenor saxophone as an extracurricular activity. Practicing and performing in front of an audience helped me improve my technique and was very rewarding because I enjoyed the applause.

提案: Make sentences grammatically correct and reduce repetition. Use one linking phrase to connect reason and example. Replace informal or duplicated words (e.g., “for example like”) and correct adjective form (“comfortable”).

例: It depends on the task. I'm not good at multitasking, so I usually play soft background music—for example, a Ghibli soundtrack—when I study because it helps me stay calm and focused.

× I personally prefer listen to happy music rather than sad music, and I think that relates to relates to my personal my personality.

✓ I personally prefer listening to happy music rather than sad music, and I think that relates to my personality.

After 'prefer' a gerund (verb + -ing) is required, so 'listening' not 'listen'. Remove duplicate words ('relates to relates to' and extra 'my') to correct repetition and redundancy. Suggestion: practice using prefer + -ing (I prefer doing X).

× I tend to get overwhelmed when I face something problematic and I'm worried about if I listen to some music that also makes me anxious.

✓ I tend to get overwhelmed when I face something problematic, and I'm worried that listening to some music might also make me anxious.

The clause 'worried about if' is incorrect. Use 'worried that' or 'worried about' plus noun/gerund. Also use a conditional/modal 'might' to show possibility. Use 'listening' (gerund) after 'worried that' when describing the action. Suggestion: use 'worried that' + clause or 'worried about' + noun/gerund.

× Definitely, I feel more motivated when I listen to happy music because upbeat rhythm lift my mood and increase my energy.

✓ Definitely, I feel more motivated when I listen to happy music because upbeat rhythms lift my mood and increase my energy.

Subject 'upbeat rhythm' is singular but the verb 'lift' is plural; make noun plural 'rhythms' to match plural verb or change verb to 'lifts'. Also 'upbeat rhythm' is better as 'upbeat rhythms' in general. Ensure subject-verb agreement. Suggestion: check singular/plural agreement between nouns and verbs.

× For example, I usually listen to pop music playlist on Monday mornings to help me wake up and focus on.

✓ For example, I usually listen to a pop music playlist on Monday mornings to help me wake up and focus.

Missing article 'a' before 'pop music playlist' and the phrase 'focus on' is incomplete; 'focus' without 'on' is correct here. Suggestion: include necessary articles and complete verb phrases.

× Yes, I was a member of my high school brass band and I played the tenor saxophone as an extra calculator activity.

✓ Yes, I was a member of my high school brass band, and I played the tenor saxophone as an extracurricular activity.

'Extra calculator activity' is incorrect word choice; intended phrase is 'extracurricular activity'. Add a comma for compound sentence clarity. Suggestion: learn common collocations like 'extracurricular activity'.

× Practicing and performing in front of all an audience was very rewarding because I felt my skills in proving and I enjoyed applause.

✓ Practicing and performing in front of an audience was very rewarding because I felt my skills improving and I enjoyed the applause.

Use 'improving' (present participle) to describe skill development, not 'proving'. Remove extra 'all' before 'an audience' and add definite article 'the' before 'applause'. Suggestion: distinguish between 'prove' and 'improve' and use correct participle forms.

× It actually depends on how well I am able to concentrate.

✓ It actually depends on how well I can concentrate.

Use 'can' for general ability; 'am able to' is grammatical but more wordy. Either is acceptable; suggested correction is more natural. Suggestion: prefer 'can' for simple statements of ability.

× I'm not good at multitasking so I usually listen to soft background music for example like Ghibli playlist when I'm studying because it helps me stay calm and feeling comf comfortable.

✓ I'm not good at multitasking, so I usually listen to soft background music, for example a Ghibli playlist, when I'm studying because it helps me stay calm and feel comfortable.

Add comma before 'so'. 'For example like' is redundant; use 'for example' or 'like'. Add article 'a' before 'Ghibli playlist'. Use parallel verbs 'helps me stay calm and feel comfortable' (base form after 'helps me'). Remove typo 'comf'. Suggestion: keep parallel structure after verbs like 'helps' and avoid redundant phrases.