Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy, fix verb forms and articles, and provide one specific example with a linking phrase. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer happy and uplifting music because it brightens my mood and helps me cope with stress. For example, when I feel overwhelmed by work or exams, I play upbeat pop or trance songs to relax and boost my energy. This really helps me concentrate and reduces my anxiety.

提案: Answer directly, correct awkward phrasing and keep focus on your own experience. Use linking words to connect cause and effect, and avoid repeating 'excited'. Provide a concise personal reason or example.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more energetic. For example, my parents always played upbeat songs in the car, so I associate that kind of music with energy and good moods. As a result, I often choose lively tracks when I need a boost.

提案: Use correct tense and smoother phrasing. Start with a succinct direct answer, then give a brief reason and a specific example or consequence. Avoid absolute statements about ability and correct verb forms.

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes since childhood. My parents believed I lacked musical aptitude, so they didn't enroll me in lessons. Consequently, I concentrated on academics and sports, where I felt more confident.

提案: Be specific about activities and avoid filler words. Give one or two clear examples and explain how music helps (e.g., improves focus or mood). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words for clarity.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other activities. For example, I play instrumental or lo-fi tracks while studying to improve my concentration, and I listen to upbeat playlists when shopping or cleaning to lift my mood.

× Yes, I prefer happy and uplifting music because it's brightens my mind and helps me cope with stress.

✓ Yes, I prefer happy and uplifting music because it brightens my mind and helps me cope with stress.

The original sentence uses the contraction it's (it is) followed by the verb brightens, causing a subject-verb redundancy. Replace "it's brightens" with "it brightens" so the subject pronoun it pairs correctly with the verb brightens. Suggestion: use 'it brightens' for correct pronoun-verb structure.

× For example, when I'm in overwhelmed by work or exams, I listen to upbeat pop or travel dance songs to relax and.

✓ For example, when I'm overwhelmed by work or exams, I listen to upbeat pop or trance dance songs to relax.

There are two issues: unnecessary preposition 'in' before 'overwhelmed' and an incomplete final clause ending with 'and.' Remove 'in' and the dangling conjunction, and correct 'travel' to likely 'trance' or another genre; here 'trance dance' is not ideal but 'trance' fits better. Suggestion: say 'when I'm overwhelmed' and finish the sentence without a trailing 'and.'

× Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited and energetic.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel excited and energetic.

Using 'more excited' implies a comparison but no comparative context is given. Simplify to 'excited' to state the effect. Suggestion: use base adjective when no explicit comparison is intended.

× That's because my parents always play upbeats music in the car to make them feel more excited when they are driving.

✓ That's because my parents always play upbeat music in the car to make themselves feel more excited when they are driving.

Two issues: 'upbeats' is incorrect plural/adjective form; the adjective is 'upbeat.' Also pronoun 'them' is ambiguous and should refer back to 'my parents,' so use the reflexive pronoun 'themselves.' Suggestion: use 'upbeat music' and 'make themselves feel.'

× No, I haven't taken any music classes since I was a child because my parents thought I lack musical aptitude, so they never enroll me in lessons.

✓ No, I haven't taken any music classes since I was a child because my parents thought I lacked musical aptitude, so they never enrolled me in lessons.

Tense consistency: 'haven't taken since I was a child' requires a past belief and past action; therefore change 'thought I lack' to 'thought I lacked' and 'never enroll me' to past 'never enrolled me.' Suggestion: keep past tense for past beliefs and actions.

× As a result, I focus on other areas where my strengths lie rather than the arts.

✓ As a result, I focused on other areas where my strengths lay rather than the arts.

Because the student refers to a past situation (parents' decision in the past), the verb should be in past tense to match the context. Change present 'focus' and 'lie' to past 'focused' and 'lay.' Suggestion: maintain consistent past tense when describing past outcomes.

× Yes, I do listen to music while doing other things.

✓ Yes, I do listen to music while doing other things.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable. No correction needed; it correctly uses the preposition 'while' to indicate simultaneous actions. Suggestion: none.

× For instance, I always study and listen to music here and there.

✓ For instance, I often study while listening to music.

The original 'study and listen to music here and there' is informal and awkward. Reword to a clearer concurrent-action structure: 'study while listening to music.' Use 'often' instead of 'here and there' for clearer frequency. Suggestion: use parallel structure for simultaneous actions.

× Sometimes I just listen to music to focus on something, uh, like shopping and studying.

✓ Sometimes I just listen to music to help me focus on activities like shopping and studying.

Preposition and verb pattern: 'listen to music to focus on something' is understandable but awkward. Better to add 'help me' and pluralize 'activity' context: 'activities like shopping and studying.' Suggestion: use 'to help me focus on activities such as...' for clarity.

× It's quite important.

✓ It's quite important.

This short sentence is grammatically fine in context as a comment on the habit's importance. No correction needed. Suggestion: none.