Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and minor grammar errors, and give a specific example with linking words. Use correct articles and phrasing (e.g., 'relax' rather than 'relax myself').

例: I prefer happy music because it helps me unwind after a stressful day. For example, when I come home from work I usually play upbeat pop playlists to lift my mood and relax, which helps me forget about the day’s problems.

提案: Remove filler words and use smoother phrasing. Give a concise topic sentence then add a specific supporting detail and a linking word. Correct possessive and article use (e.g., 'the lyrics and beat' not "music's lyrics").

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because of its catchy beat and upbeat lyrics. For example, I often listen to South Korean pop and dance along, which immediately boosts my energy and lifts my spirits.

提案: Be clearer and more fluent. Use linking words to explain cause and effect (e.g., 'so' or 'because') and avoid filler words. Provide a concise example of what you learn online.

例: No, I haven’t taken formal music classes; instead, I learn by myself online. For example, I follow YouTube tutorials to practice singing techniques and learn guitar chords, which has helped me improve gradually.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: use a topic sentence, correct verb forms and articles, and avoid repetition. Explain how music helps concentration and give a specific scenario with linking words.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks because it helps me concentrate. For example, when I study I usually play light instrumental playlists, which reduce distractions and help me focus for longer periods.

× I prefer happy music because I think the stress in my life is so big and I need someone to relax myself.

✓ I prefer happy music because the stress in my life is so great and I need something to help me relax.

The phrase 'relax myself' is an awkward reflexive use; English commonly uses 'help me relax' or 'relax me' depending on context. Also 'so big' describing stress is incorrect; use 'so great' or 'very high'. Replace 'someone' with 'something' because music is not a person. Improve wording for naturalness. Grammar problem type ID: 15

× For example, when I came home, I often listen a happy music.

✓ For example, when I come home, I often listen to happy music.

Two issues: tense and article/preposition. The original used past 'came' but sentence expresses habitual action, so use present 'come'. 'Listen' requires the preposition 'to' when followed by an object. 'A happy music' is wrong; 'music' is uncountable so no article; use 'happy music'. Grammar problem type ID: 17

× Yes, I feel more excited when I, uh, when I listen to the happy music's lyrics and beat.

✓ Yes, I feel more excited when I listen to the lyrics and beat of happy music.

Do not use the possessive ''s with an uncountable noun phrase like 'happy music'; instead reorder as 'the lyrics and beat of happy music' or 'a song's lyrics and beat'. Also remove redundant filler and use 'listen to' with correct object. Consider omitting 'the' before 'lyrics and beat' unless referring to a specific song. Grammar problem type ID: 17

× For example, I often listen, uh, pop music from South Korea and I often dance with it.

✓ For example, I often listen to K-pop from South Korea and I often dance to it.

Use 'listen to' rather than 'listen' alone. 'Pop music' is fine but 'K-pop' is a more natural label for South Korean pop. Use 'dance to it' not 'dance with it' because you dance to music, not with it. Also avoid comma splice and filler. Grammar problem type ID: 1

× No, I haven't taken any music classes. I just uh, follow the online courses and listen to the music I like so that I can learn it by myself.

✓ No, I haven't taken any music classes. I just follow online courses and listen to the music I like so that I can learn by myself.

'Follow the online courses' should be 'follow online courses' without 'the' unless specific courses are meant. 'Learn it by myself' is awkward because 'learn' usually doesn't take 'it' when referring generally; use 'learn by myself' or 'teach myself'. Also remove filler 'uh'. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× Yes, I think listen to music is a good way to lift my concentration.

✓ Yes, I think listening to music is a good way to improve my concentration.

After 'think' you need a gerund phrase 'listening to music' not the base verb 'listen'. 'Lift my concentration' is incorrect collocation; use 'improve' or 'increase' my concentration. Grammar problem type ID: 26

× For example when I was, when I when I want to study, I often listen a light music.

✓ For example, when I want to study, I often listen to light music.

The original mixes tenses and contains repetitions and filler. Use present tense 'want' for habitual action. Use 'listen to' with preposition 'to' and 'light music' is uncountable so no article 'a'. Remove unnecessary words. Grammar problem type ID: 5}]}```