Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 중복되고 이유 제시가 어색합니다. 주제문을 명확히 한 뒤 한두 개의 구체적 이유를 간결하게 제시하세요. 연결어(for example, because, so)를 사용해 흐름을 자연스럽게 만들고, 최대 3~4문장으로 유지하세요.

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and gives me energy. For example, upbeat songs help me feel more positive when I'm stressed. So I usually choose cheerful, uplifting tracks to boost my day.

提案: 답변이 반복적이고 표현이 모호합니다. 간결한 주제문 후 구체적 경험이나 예시를 덧붙이세요. 감정을 설명할 때 구체적인 단어나 표현(excite, energize, uplift)을 다양하게 사용해 중복을 피하세요.

例: Yes, it does. Happy music often energizes me and makes me want to move. For instance, upbeat pop songs help me feel more motivated during workouts or when I need to concentrate.

提案: 내용은 전달되지만 문장이 반복되고 어색한 시제·구문 사용이 있습니다. 한 문장으로 요점을 말한 뒤, 배운 구체적 내용이나 경험을 하나 덧붙이세요. 시제 일관성(과거)을 지키고 간결하게 표현하세요.

例: Yes, I took a music class in high school where I learned to play the piano. For example, I often performed short pieces for my classmates, which helped me improve my confidence and technique.

提案: 문장이 분리되어 있고 문법 오류(‘make me relax’)와 불필요한 표현이 있습니다. 한 문장으로 명확한 주제문을 말한 뒤 이유와 효과를 간단히 덧붙이세요. 자연스러운 표현(helps me relax, pass the time)을 사용하세요.

例: Yes, I often listen to music during my commute because it helps me relax and pass the time. Listening to mellow or familiar songs calms me and prepares me for the day ahead.

× I prefer happy music because I like to listen to songs to cheer myself because of the reason I prefer to listen cheerful, uplifting songs.

✓ I prefer happy music because I like to listen to songs that cheer me up, so I prefer cheerful, uplifting songs.

The sentence has awkward and incorrect adjective/adverb usage and redundancy. 'to cheer myself' is unnatural; use the phrasal verb 'cheer me up' (verb + particle). 'Because of the reason' is redundant; use 'so' or 'because'. 'prefer to listen cheerful' is incorrect word order and missing a connector; use 'prefer cheerful, uplifting songs' or 'listen to cheerful, uplifting songs'. Improve by removing redundancy and using correct verb phrases and adjective order. Suggestions: use 'cheer me up', avoid 'because of the reason', and place adjectives before the noun (cheerful, uplifting songs).

× When I listen to music, I can imagine this, the lyrics.

✓ When I listen to music, I can imagine the lyrics.

The phrase 'imagine this, the lyrics' is ungrammatical. 'This' is unnecessary and disrupts the sentence. Use the definite article 'the' with 'lyrics' when referring to specific lyrics you hear. Suggestion: remove 'this' and keep 'the lyrics'.

× So it's easy for me to focus on the feeling of the singers.

✓ So it's easy for me to focus on the singers' feelings.

'the feeling of the singers' is grammatically acceptable but slightly awkward in natural English; using the possessive form 'singers' feelings' is more natural. Also 'feeling' should be plural when referring to multiple singers. Suggest using possessive noun and plural form. Suggestion: use 'singers' feelings'.

× So it's really exciting, exciting.

✓ So it's really exciting.

The repetition 'exciting, exciting' is redundant and not a grammar rule but stylistically incorrect. Remove the duplicate word. Suggest expressing emphasis with adverbs if needed (e.g., 'very exciting' or 'really exciting').

× Yes, I took a music class when I was a high school student at the time.

✓ Yes, I took a music class when I was a high school student.

'When I was a high school student at the time' is redundant; 'when' already indicates the time. Use past tense 'took' correctly and remove 'at the time'. Suggestion: say 'when I was a high school student'.

× When I took the music class, I played the piano for my classmates.

✓ When I took the music class, I played the piano for my classmates.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no preposition error. The original is acceptable. No change needed. (Included to indicate checked item.)

× At the time, I could learn how to play piano.

✓ At the time, I learned how to play the piano.

'Could learn' is awkward here; use simple past 'learned' to indicate a completed action. Also include the definite article 'the' before 'piano' in English when talking about the instrument in general contexts. Suggestion: use 'learned how to play the piano'.

× Yes, I often listen to music when I commute.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music when I commute.

This sentence is correct; the preposition 'when' and verb 'commute' are used correctly. No change needed. (Included to indicate checked item.)

× Because when I commute there is not that much things to do and while listening to music I can make me relax before starting.

✓ When I commute there are not that many things to do, and while listening to music I can relax before starting my day.

Multiple issues: sentence fragment starting with 'Because when' creates poor structure. 'that much things' is incorrect quantifier and number agreement; use 'that many things' or 'much' with uncountable nouns. 'I can make me relax' is incorrect reflexive/pronoun use; use 'I can relax' or 'it helps me relax'. Also add a clear object for 'starting' (e.g., 'my day'). Suggestions: avoid beginning with 'Because' when not completing the thought, use correct quantifier 'many' for countable 'things', use 'I can relax' or 'it helps me relax', and specify what you are starting.