Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Fix tense and word order (e.g., "stay my energy up" → "keep my energy up"). Avoid redundancy and limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: I prefer different types of music depending on my mood. For example, after a great day I like upbeat songs to keep my energy up, but when I'm feeling down I choose slower, sad music to help me unwind.

提案: Avoid filler words (uh, um) and be specific about effects. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, furthermore, however). Correct word choice: 'boosts my concentration' not 'boosts my concentrate'. Keep to 2–4 sentences and be coherent.

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited, especially when I'm driving. For example, upbeat songs improve my concentration on the road and also make me feel more relaxed and positive.

提案: Remove hesitations and use a clear time expression. Provide one concrete detail about your schedule and a specific plan for future action. Use correct phrasing ("enroll next year" is fine) and limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I haven't taken any music classes because my schedule is very hectic due to work and studies. However, I plan to enroll in a beginner piano course next year when I have more free time.

提案: Be more natural and avoid speculation about music changing taste or smell unless you explain why. Give a clear reason and a specific example, using linking words. Remove fillers and correct phrasing ('affects the taste' not 'affects on the taste').

例: Yes, I often listen to music while cooking because it lifts my mood and makes the task more enjoyable. For example, upbeat jazz helps me stay motivated when preparing dinner and makes the whole experience feel more relaxed.

× It depends on my mood. If I have had a perfect day I prefer to listen to happy music to stay my energy up.

✓ It depends on my mood. If I have had a perfect day, I prefer to listen to happy music to keep my energy up.

The phrase 'stay my energy up' is incorrect. Use 'keep my energy up' as the correct collocation (verb + noun). Also add a comma after the conditional clause for clarity. This fits present perfect conditional usage for a recent experience affecting current preference. Suggestion: use 'keep' with 'energy up' and include commas after 'If' clauses.

× But it I if I have a bad day I prefer sad music to relax.

✓ But if I have a bad day, I prefer sad music to relax.

The original has incorrect word order ('it I if') which breaks sentence structure (type 26). Remove the extra words and place the conditional clause correctly at the start, followed by a comma. This yields a clear conditional sentence showing preference when feeling bad.

× Uh, I believe happy music makes all people, uh, more excited.

✓ Uh, I believe happy music makes most people more excited.

'All people' is grammatically possible but 'most people' is more natural here. No subject-verb error, but wording was awkward. Use 'most people' for a generalization. Also remove filler words for fluency.

× So do I while I'm driving.

✓ So do I when I'm driving.

'While' is not incorrect but 'when' is more natural for habitual actions. Maintain auxiliary 'do' for agreement. This improves naturalness and clarity.

× I really enjoy listening to, uh, upbeat music because it, uh, boosts my, uh, concentrate and uh, it helps me to feel more relaxed.

✓ I really enjoy listening to upbeat music because it boosts my concentration and helps me feel more relaxed.

'Concentrate' is a verb; the noun 'concentration' is required here (type 13/8). Also remove unnecessary 'to' before 'feel' ('helps me feel' is correct). Remove filler words for clarity.

× Uh, no, I haven't taken any music classes, uh, because I, uh, don't have free time.

✓ Uh, no, I haven't taken any music classes because I don't have free time.

The original is acceptable but had extra fillers. Maintain present perfect 'haven't taken' to indicate experience up to now and simple present 'don't have' for current situation. Remove filler words for fluency.

× Uh, my schedule is hectic, but I try to organize my, umm, plan, uh, to enroll next year.

✓ My schedule is hectic, but I am trying to organize my plans to enroll next year.

Use 'plans' (plural) or 'plan' without filler; 'organize my plan' is awkward. 'I am trying' (present continuous) better expresses an ongoing effort. Keep 'to enroll next year' as the purpose. This addresses adjective/adverb and sentence structure issues (types 26 and 13).

× Yes, I do, uh, I listen to music while I'm cooking because, uh, it helps me uh, to feel more excited and I think it affects on the taste of the food and the smell of it.

✓ Yes, I do. I listen to music while I'm cooking because it helps me feel more energetic, and I think it affects the taste and smell of the food.

Remove fillers and correct 'to feel more excited' to 'feel more energetic' for naturalness (adjective choice). 'Affects on' is incorrect; use 'affects the taste' or 'has an effect on the taste' (type 11). Also simplify 'the smell of it' to 'the smell of the food'. Use a period to separate sentences for clarity.