Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition, add one specific reason or example, and use linking words for coherence. Avoid filler words like “yeah” and repeated phrases such as “always” and “makes me happy always.”

例: I prefer happy music. It usually lifts my spirits and makes me want to move, so I often dance when I hear upbeat songs. For example, I listen to pop playlists while exercising because their fast tempo motivates me.

提案: Give a clear direct answer, then support it with specific details and one linked result. Reduce short fragments and hesitations (e.g., “uh,” “yeah”). Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas and be more precise about when or why you feel excited.

例: Yes, it does. Happy music lifts my mood because its upbeat rhythm and positive lyrics energize me, so I feel excited and focused. For instance, I play upbeat tracks before presentations to boost my confidence and concentration.

× I prefer happy music but yeah there was sometimes when I listen to sad music also.

✓ I prefer happy music, but yes, there were sometimes when I listened to sad music as well.

The sentence mixes tenses and uses 'was' incorrectly with 'sometimes'. 'There was sometimes' is ungrammatical; use plural 'there were times' or 'there were sometimes' with past tense 'listened' to match. Also 'yeah' is informal; 'yes' is clearer. Suggestion: use 'there were times when I listened to sad music' or 'sometimes I listened to sad music'.

× But I am a fan of happy music always because happy music always gives me a full mood.

✓ But I am always a fan of happy music because happy music always puts me in a good mood.

The adverb 'always' is misplaced after the noun; it normally precedes the verb or follows the auxiliary: 'I am always a fan'. 'Gives me a full mood' is incorrect collocation; use 'puts me in a good mood'. Suggestion: place adverbs before the main verb and use natural collocations.

× It makes me happy always.

✓ It always makes me happy.

Adverb placement: 'always' should come before the main verb 'makes' (or after the verb 'be'/'have'). Placing it at the end is less natural. Suggestion: use 'It always makes me happy.'

× I start dancing whenever I listen to happy music.

✓ I start dancing whenever I listen to happy music.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'Start' + -ing is correctly used; no change needed. Kept for completeness.

× Whenever I listen to happy music, I find my mood always uplifted.

✓ Whenever I listen to happy music, I find my mood always uplifted.

The placement of 'always' after 'mood' is slightly awkward but not strictly ungrammatical. A more natural phrasing is 'I always find my mood uplifted.' However, since instruction 2 says only correct listed types, this note indicates adverb placement could be improved to 'I always find my mood uplifted.'

× I feel cheerful, I feel peace inside me.

✓ I feel cheerful; I feel peace inside me.

The original uses a comma splice to join two independent clauses. Replace comma with semicolon or use 'and'. Also 'peace inside me' is acceptable, but 'peace within me' is more natural. Suggestion: 'I feel cheerful, and I feel peace within me.'

× And uh, most of the time I listen to happy music.

✓ And, most of the time, I listen to happy music.

Sentence is understandable but 'uh' is filler and commas around 'most of the time' improve clarity. Tense 'listen' is fine for habitual action. Suggestion: remove fillers and punctuate: 'Most of the time, I listen to happy music.'

× Happy music makes me very excited.

✓ Happy music makes me very excited.

This sentence is correct: 'music' as a singular noun takes 'makes'. Included for completeness; no correction needed.

× Whenever I listen to happy music, I find my mood always uplifted.

✓ Whenever I listen to happy music, I always find my mood uplifted.

Improved adverb placement: 'always' should precede the main verb 'find'. This keeps present simple for habitual action. Suggestion: use 'I always find' for natural phrasing.

× I feel peace inside me.

✓ I feel peace inside me.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable, though 'within me' is slightly more natural. No pronoun error; kept for completeness.