Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and one brief example. Avoid repetition and fix verb tense and word choice (e.g., 'listened' -> 'listen'). Use linking words like 'however' correctly.

例: I prefer happy music to sad music because it lifts my mood. For example, when I feel stressed after work, I play upbeat pop songs which help me relax and feel more energetic.

提案: Improve grammar and word choice, and be specific. Begin with a clear direct answer, then give one or two concise, specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., 'for example', 'also'). Avoid informal phrasings like 'gonna' and unclear words like 'truthful music'.

例: Yes, happy music makes me feel excited. For example, when upbeat dance tracks play at parties I start dancing, and lively rhythms give me more energy to socialize and have fun.

× I prefer happy music to sad music because happy music always lifts my mood every time I listen to it.

✓ I prefer happy music to sad music because happy music always lifts my mood whenever I listen to it.

The sentence used 'every time' which is acceptable but 'whenever' sounds more natural here; this is a minor present-tense usage/style improvement to match habitual action. Use 'whenever' for repeated occasions. Suggestion: use 'whenever' or 'every time I listen to it' consistently.

× However, I do listen to sad music sometimes, but mostly the songs that I listened are happy music.

✓ However, I do listen to sad music sometimes, but mostly the songs that I listen to are happy music.

The clause 'that I listened' incorrectly uses the past tense while the rest of the sentence refers to habitual action in the present. Change to present simple 'that I listen to' to maintain consistent tense. Also keep 'do listen' for emphasis is fine.

× Indeed, happy music always bring joys in me.

✓ Indeed, happy music always brings me joy.

Subject 'happy music' is third-person singular and requires 'brings' (subject-verb agreement). 'Bring' is present simple plural form; replace with 'brings'. Also 'joys in me' is unidiomatic: use 'me joy' or 'joy to me'. Combine corrections: 'brings me joy'.

× For example, I could dance while listening to truthful music, and every time I go to the party, the upbeat types of music always, always gonna bring the vibes.

✓ For example, I can dance while listening to upbeat music, and every time I go to a party, upbeat music always brings good vibes.

Multiple issues: 'could' suggests past ability; use 'can' for general ability (present). 'Truthful music' is incorrect adjective choice; likely intended 'upbeat music'. 'The upbeat types of music' is wordy; use 'upbeat music'. 'Gonna' is informal and nonstandard in speaking-test writing; use 'will' or present simple 'brings' for habitual situations. Also ensure subject-verb agreement: 'upbeat music' requires 'brings'. 'Bring the vibes' is informal; use 'bring good vibes' or 'bring a good atmosphere'.