Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Старайтесь отвечать более естественно и лаконично: избегайте частых заполнителей (uh, you know), структурируйте ответ — краткий основной тезис + одно-два конкретных объяснения. Избегайте ненужных и гендерных замечаний ("luckily I am a girl"). Добавьте связки (for example, because, so) и конкретный пример ситуации, чтобы показать разнообразие лексики и связность.

例: It depends on my mood. For example, when I feel low I prefer sad music because it helps me process emotions and sometimes cry, which makes me feel better afterwards.

提案: Ответ в целом хороший, но стоит убрать повторения ("lower my stress or lower my depression", "my my mood") и разнообразить лексику. Добавьте одно конкретное примера или результат и используйте связки (for instance, because, therefore) для плавного перехода между идеями.

例: Yes, happy music definitely excites me because of its upbeat rhythm and lyrics. For instance, when I'm stressed after work, I listen to lively pop songs and they lift my mood within minutes, helping me feel more positive and energetic.

× I guess it depends on my mood.

✓ I guess it depends on my mood.

No correction needed; sentence correctly uses present simple to express a general truth about current states. Suggest reviewing present simple usage for habits and general facts.

× Sometimes when I have depression, uh, I'm OK to uh, listen to uh, sad music, uh, and uh, even to cry.

✓ Sometimes when I feel depressed, I'm okay with listening to sad music and even crying.

Use of 'have depression' is less natural than 'feel depressed' for temporary mood; 'I'm OK to listen' is ungrammatical — use 'okay with listening to' or 'okay listening to'. Remove unnecessary 'to' before 'cry'. Suggest using 'feel depressed' and 'okay with' for natural present-tense expressions.

× Sometimes, uh, you know, uh, you need to, not to keep emotions inside.

✓ Sometimes you need not to keep your emotions inside.

After 'need' in negative form, standard formal structure is 'need not to' or 'do not need to'; both are acceptable. Original 'you need to, not to keep' is disfluent. Also add possessive 'your' for clarity. Suggest: 'Sometimes you do not need to keep your emotions inside' for conversational naturalness.

× And if you want to cry, better to cry.

✓ And if you want to cry, it's better to cry.

In English, comparative suggestion requires a dummy pronoun 'it' plus 'be' — 'it's better to...'. Original omits 'it' leading to incorrect structure. Use present simple 'it's better' for general advice.

× Luckily I am a girl and I can do it.

✓ Luckily I'm a girl, so I can do that.

Replace 'it' with 'that' for referring to the action of crying; add comma and 'so' for clarity and natural flow. Contraction 'I'm' is acceptable in speech. Suggest using 'that' to refer back to the previous clause.

× Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited and moreover it helps to lower my stress or lower my depression.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited, and it also helps reduce my stress and depression.

Use parallel structure: 'helps reduce' is more natural than 'helps to lower'; avoid repeating 'lower'. 'Also' fits better than 'moreover' in conversational speech. Use conjunction 'and' with comma for compound sentence. Suggest using 'reduce' and combining nouns with 'and'.

× If I'm sad and I want to change my my mood, it always improves my mood and helps to look positive at things.

✓ If I'm sad and I want to change my mood, it always improves my mood and helps me look at things more positively.

Duplicate 'my' should be removed. 'Helps to look positive at things' is ungrammatical; correct form is 'helps me look at things more positively' — include object 'me' and use adverb 'positively' after 'more'. Maintain present simple for habitual result. Suggest removing repetition and restructuring 'helps me look at things more positively'.