Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clearer topic sentence, correct grammar and reduce filler words. Start with a direct answer, then add one or two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct verb forms and more natural phrasing (e.g. "I prefer happy music because...").

例: I prefer happy music because it improves my mood. For example, when I go for a walk or do household chores, upbeat songs make me feel more relaxed and cheerful.

提案: Answer with a full sentence, avoid unclear fragments and incorrect word choices. Explain how and when happy music affects you, using linking words like "because" and "for example". Replace vague phrases with specific descriptions (e.g. "tempo" or "melody").

例: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited because of its fast tempo and cheerful melody. For example, when I listen to upbeat pop songs while exercising, I feel more energetic and motivated.

× For happy music, because it brings a good mood for me.

✓ I prefer happy music because it puts me in a good mood.

The original sentence has awkward preposition and word choice: 'brings a good mood for me' is unnatural. Use 'put in a good mood' or 'put me in a good mood'. Also 'For happy music' is fragmentary; include the subject 'I prefer' to answer the question directly. Improve fluency by using 'prefer' and 'put me in a good mood.'

× Oh and particularly when I am walking or working, I can feel happy and relaxed.

✓ Particularly when I am walking or working, I feel happy and relaxed.

Beginning with 'Oh and' is conversational filler and creates an informal structure; remove it for clarity. 'Can feel' is not wrong but 'feel' is more natural when describing a habitual reaction. This fixes sentence structure and improves register and conciseness.

× Makes me more excited because it's up up.

✓ It makes me more excited because it energizes me.

The original sentence lacks a clear subject ('Makes me...' is a fragment) and contains meaningless repetition 'up up.' Supply the subject 'It' referring to happy music and replace 'up up' with a clear verb or phrase such as 'energizes me' to convey the intended meaning.

× Speak less more than the major corpses increase my energy, for example, when I listen to pop songs when I am exercising at.

✓ For example, listening to pop songs while I exercise increases my energy.

The original contains many problems: 'Speak less more than the major corpses' is unintelligible and likely a severe word-choice error. There is also an extra 'when' and wrong preposition at the end ('at'). Reconstruct the sentence to express the intended idea: use 'listening to' (gerund after preposition), 'while I exercise' for time clause, and 'increases my energy' for correct subject-verb agreement and meaning. Ensure word order is natural and remove extraneous words.