Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g. articles, verb forms) and avoid repetition.

例: I prefer happy music because it has an uplifting energy that can improve my mood throughout the day. For example, upbeat songs with bright melodies and lively rhythms help me stay motivated while I work or exercise.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar and repetitions. Use one clear sentence stating the effect, then give a specific example with a linking phrase. Mention why the song has that effect (melody, tempo, lyrics).

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because of its fast tempo and catchy chorus. For example, I often listen to an Indonesian song called "Veronica"; its energetic beat and cheerful melody immediately boost my mood and make me want to move.

× I prefer happy music because I believe that the energy of that music can influence your day so the music can lift up your mood for whole day.

✓ I prefer happy music because I believe that the energy of that music can influence your day and lift your mood for the whole day.

Issues: run-on sentence and awkward phrasing. 'so the music can lift up your mood for whole day' is unidiomatic. Use conjunction 'and' to connect related ideas. Remove unnecessary 'up' after lift and add the article 'the' before 'whole day'. This keeps present tense and improves fluency. Suggestion: split into two sentences if clarity needed: 'I prefer happy music. I believe its energy can influence your day and lift your mood for the whole day.'

× Yes, happy music makes me feel like for feel more excited.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited.

The phrase 'makes me feel like for feel more excited' is ungrammatical. After 'makes me feel' you can have an adjective or an -ing verb (e.g., 'makes me feel excited' or 'makes me feel like dancing'). Remove the redundant words and use 'more excited' to show increased excitement. This keeps present tense and correct verb pattern.

× For example, the music that I currently listen to is Indonesian songs entitled Veronica.

✓ For example, the music I am currently listening to is an Indonesian song entitled Veronica.

Problems: tense and article use. 'Currently listen to' should be present continuous 'am currently listening to' to show ongoing action. 'Indonesian songs' is plural but refers to a single song 'Veronica', so use singular 'song' and add the indefinite article 'an'. Also move 'currently' before the verb for natural word order.

× When I when I listening to that song I really feel more excited.

✓ When I listen to that song, I really feel more excited.

Errors: duplicated words 'when I when I' and incorrect verb form 'listening' after 'When I'. Use the simple present 'listen' to describe habitual reaction. Add a comma after the subordinate clause for clarity. Alternatively, 'When I am listening to that song, I feel more excited' is also correct.