Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (why you liked him). Avoid redundancy and awkward phrasing. Use linking words (for example, because, and) to make it coherent.

例: Yes. My favorite teacher was my grade 8 religious studies teacher because he explained Buddhism clearly and inspired me to be more disciplined. For example, he used stories and activities that made lessons memorable and encouraged us to think about our actions.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence (Yes or No) then give two clear reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g., 'suited' not 'sued'). Keep sentences short and natural.

例: No, I don't want to be a teacher. Firstly, I am quite introverted and find speaking to large groups stressful. Secondly, I don't enjoy planning lessons or managing a classroom, so I don't think I'd be suited to that profession.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence, then provide a specific example of one teacher and one thing they taught you. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid vague or run-on sentences.

例: Yes, I still remember several teachers, especially a private tutor who helped me improve my study habits. Because he taught me how to organize my time and practice regularly, I gained confidence and did better at university.

提案: Answer directly (Yes/No), give one clear reason and then one specific memory or feeling. Avoid repetitive phrases and incorrect prepositions. Use linking words like 'because' and 'but'.

例: No, I'm not. I lost contact because I moved to a different province, but I still cherish many memories of my primary teachers, especially their kindness during school plays and sports days.

提案: Start with a clear statement of how the teacher helped, then give two concrete examples (methods or changes). Use correct collocations (e.g., 'encouraged me to work hard') and avoid repetition.

例: He helped me by encouraging me to work hard and by giving practical study tips. For example, he set small weekly goals and reviewed my work, which improved my grades and helped me gain a place at a government university.

提案: Give a direct comparison sentence (Yes, I prefer...), then give two clear reasons with examples. Avoid fillers, repetition and unclear words. Use linking words (because, and, also) and keep sentences concise.

例: Yes, I prefer my primary school teachers because they were kinder and more supportive. For example, they gave individual help when I struggled and allowed more time for play and sports, which made learning enjoyable.

× He taught us the Buddhism.

✓ He taught us Buddhism.

The definite article 'the' is unnecessary before uncountable or proper nouns like 'Buddhism'. Remove 'the' to make it grammatically correct.

× So otherwise I don't have any favorite teacher rather than him.

✓ So I don't have any favorite teacher other than him.

'Rather than' is incorrect in this context; use 'other than' to contrast. Also 'otherwise' is unnecessary. The subject-verb relationship is acceptable but the prepositional phrase was wrong; this correction provides a natural, grammatical contrast.

× Actually, no, I don't think I don't see myself in a teaching teacher and the education industry because I'm not good at teaching.

✓ Actually no, I don't see myself as a teacher or working in the education industry because I'm not good at teaching.

The original contains double negation ('I don't think I don't see') and awkward phrasing ('in a teaching teacher'). Rephrase to a clear structure: 'I don't see myself as a teacher or working in the education industry...' to convey the intended meaning.

× I'm more for introvert.

✓ I'm more of an introvert.

Use the noun phrase 'an introvert' with the preposition 'of' to express personal tendency. 'For introvert' is ungrammatical and missing the article.

× So I think I I won't be sued for that kind of a profession and it's a hard work.

✓ So I think I won't be suited to that kind of profession because it's hard work.

'Sued' is incorrect (means taken to court); the intended word is 'suited'. Also 'that kind of a profession' is awkward; use 'that kind of profession'. Combine clauses to clarify cause ('because it's hard work').

× Yes, I have remember most of my school teachers and private tutors who taught me everything and I gained lot of knowledge, experiences and practical things and I today I see myself in a big stage thanks to all of them and I'm really grateful for them.

✓ Yes, I remember most of my school teachers and private tutors who taught me many things, and I gained a lot of knowledge, experience, and practical skills; today I see myself on a big stage thanks to all of them, and I'm really grateful.

Use simple present 'remember' not 'have remember'. Correct quantifiers ('a lot of'), pluralization ('experience' is uncountable or singular), and phrasing ('practical things' -> 'practical skills'). Remove redundant words and fix word order ('today I see myself on a big stage').

× Uh, actually, no, I lost contacts with the my primary school teachers because I have moved to different province.

✓ Actually, no, I lost contact with my primary school teachers because I moved to a different province.

Use 'lost contact' (singular) not 'lost contacts'. Remove extra article 'the' before 'my'. Use simple past 'moved' for a completed action and include the article 'a' before 'different province'.

× So, but I still remember those beautiful days and beautiful memories.

✓ But I still remember those beautiful days and memories.

Avoid redundancy ('beautiful days and beautiful memories'). Also begin with 'But' rather than 'So, but'. This improves style and grammar.

× I still admire and keep them at the bottom of my heart and I really thankful to all of those people.

✓ I still cherish them in my heart, and I am really thankful to all of those people.

'Admire and keep them at the bottom of my heart' is awkward. Use 'cherish them in my heart'. Also include the verb 'am' before 'really thankful' to form a complete predicate.

× Actually my favorite teacher, I was not good at focusing on myself, so he encouraged me to hard work, motivation and dedication.

✓ Actually, my favorite teacher noticed I was not good at focusing, so he encouraged me to work hard, be motivated, and show dedication.

The original has awkward subject placement and incorrect verb forms ('encouraged me to hard work'). Use 'work hard' and verbs 'be motivated'/'show dedication' to correct structure and parallelism.

× Actually I was a really bad student at the AT grades and everything, so I became a better student.

✓ I was a really poor student in my earlier grades, so I became a better student.

'AT grades' is unclear; use 'earlier grades' or specify the grade. 'Bad' is informal; 'poor' is better. Past tense 'was' and 'became' are fine; just improve word choice and clarity.

× Now I'm still learning in a government university, which is quite good.

✓ Now I'm studying at a government university, which is quite good.

Use 'studying at' rather than 'learning in' to describe current enrollment. 'At' is the correct preposition for institutions.

× Yes, Sir, I think I like my primary school details more than my high school teachers because they are really, they are really kind and LRM giving also helpful and you know, understandable and mutual interests.

✓ Yes, Sir, I think I like my primary school teachers more than my high school teachers because they are really kind, generous, helpful, understanding, and share mutual interests.

Replace 'details' with 'teachers'. Remove redundant repetition. 'LRM giving' is incorrect; likely meant 'loving' or 'giving'—use 'generous' or 'caring'. Use parallel adjectives separated by commas.

× So, uh, I think those are the reasons why I like them.

✓ So I think those are the reasons I like them.

Remove unnecessary filler 'uh' and 'why' after 'reasons' (reason why is redundant with 'those are the reasons'). Cleaner, grammatical phrasing.

× Also, they are more flexible and the syllabus is not very hard and we had a lot of, we had a lot of free time and lot of free sports.

✓ Also, they are more flexible, the syllabus was not very hard, and we had a lot of free time and many opportunities for sports.

Match tense ('was' since referring to past primary school). Fix article/quantifier use ('a lot of free time', 'many opportunities for sports'). Remove repetition and improve collocation ('opportunities for sports' rather than 'free sports').