Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid invented or incorrect words (e.g., "Createspace"), and give one specific reason with a brief example. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: I don't have a single favorite teacher, but I admire teachers who are fair and encourage independent thinking. For example, my history teacher often gave us open-ended projects and let us present our own viewpoints, which helped me develop confidence and original ideas.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence and expand slightly with a reason and one brief supporting detail. Use a linking word to show cause or contrast.

例: No, I don't want to be a teacher in the future because I find it difficult to manage young children. For instance, I struggle with dealing with tantrums and noisy classrooms, so a different career suits me better.

提案: Use correct tense and a clearer structure: topic sentence, reason, and a specific example. Avoid vague phrases and reduce redundancy. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to explain impact.

例: Yes, I remember my 7th-grade science teacher clearly because she encouraged us to stay positive. She often said that "prayer is power," and that message helped me stay calm and focused during stressful times at work.

提案: Give a concise direct answer and one clear reason. Avoid repetition and long, unstructured sentences. Use linking words like 'because' to connect ideas and provide one specific detail about moving.

例: No, I'm not still in touch with them because my family moved frequently when I was a child. Since I changed schools almost every year, I didn't maintain long-term contact with any of my primary teachers.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence about the effect, then give one specific example of how she helped. Use linking words such as 'for example' or 'for instance' to clarify.

例: She helped me by making my outlook on life more positive. For example, she taught us simple meditation techniques and encouraged me to start each day with a short practice, which improved my focus and mood.

提案: Answer directly and provide one clear reason with a supporting detail. Avoid repeating the same idea twice; use linking words to make the comparison clear.

例: I prefer my high school teachers because I have kept in touch with some of them and remember their lessons more clearly. In contrast, I lost contact with most of my primary teachers after moving, so I feel less connected to them.

× I don't have one, but I like those teachers who are not biased with their students and who let their students do their work individually to Createspace for them to actually have their own ideas.

✓ I don't have one, but I like teachers who are not biased toward their students and who let them do their work individually to create space for their own ideas.

The sentence contains incorrect preposition use ('biased with' should be 'biased toward') and an incorrect capitalized verb 'Createspace' split into 'create space'. 'Those teachers' is overly specific; 'teachers' is more natural here. Also replace 'their students' repeated with 'them' to avoid redundancy. Suggestion: use 'biased toward' and 'create space' and streamline pronouns for clarity.

× No, I'm not good with kids, especially teaching one.

✓ No, I'm not good with kids, especially teaching them.

The phrase 'teaching one' is incorrect because 'one' ambiguously refers to a single child. Use 'them' to match the plural 'kids'. Modal/ability expression 'not good with' is fine; adjust object to plural pronoun.

× I'm not good with handling tantrums.

✓ I'm not good at handling tantrums.

The correct collocation is 'good at' when followed by a gerund. 'Good with' is used for people or things (e.g., 'good with kids'), but for skills use 'good at'. Suggestion: use 'good at handling'.

× She always remind us that prayer is power and it stuck to me until now that I'm working and it just goes on that she's a great teacher.

✓ She always reminded us that prayer is powerful, and it has stuck with me even now that I'm working; she was a great teacher.

Multiple tense and agreement problems: 'always remind' should be past 'always reminded' because speaker refers to a past teacher; 'prayer is power' is idiomatic as 'prayer is powerful' or 'prayer is a source of power' so changed to 'powerful'; 'it stuck to me until now that I'm working' mixes past and present—use present perfect 'has stuck with me' and correct preposition 'with'. Finally, 'it just goes on that she's a great teacher' is unclear; rephrase to 'she was a great teacher' to reflect past reference. Suggestion: match past reference for the teacher and use present perfect for ongoing effect.

× No, I have a lot of primary school teachers for the reason that I moved a lot when I was a kid because of my parents job and it's not easy because I went from this school to another school and every year there are a lot of teachers.

✓ No, I had many primary school teachers because I moved a lot when I was a kid due to my parents' jobs; it wasn't easy because I went from one school to another and had many different teachers each year.

Pronoun and noun form issues: 'I have a lot of primary school teachers' should be past 'I had' because referring to childhood; 'for the reason that' is wordy—use 'because'; 'because of my parents job' needs possessive plural 'parents' jobs' or rephrase to 'due to my parents' jobs'; 'went from this school to another school' is awkward—use 'went from one school to another'; tense consistency changed to past ('wasn't easy', 'had many different teachers'). Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use correct possessive form for 'parents' jobs'.

× She helped me in a way that my outlook in life became more positive than before.

✓ She helped me so that my outlook on life became more positive than before.

Use correct preposition 'outlook on life' not 'outlook in life'. 'Helped me in a way that' is wordy; 'helped me so that' is clearer. Tense 'became' is acceptable as past because event refers to past influence, keep consistent with context.

× She reminded me that meditation is very important, especially when you start your day.

✓ She reminded me that meditation is very important, especially when you start the day.

Small stylistic change: 'your start your day' is conversational but referencing general advice fits better as 'when you start the day' or 'at the start of the day'. The original 'your start your day' had a repetition error; removing 'your' fixes it. Suggestion: use impersonal phrasing for general habits.

× I like my high school teachers more because I can still remember them.

✓ I prefer my high school teachers because I can still remember them.

'Like ... more' is acceptable, but 'prefer' is more natural for comparisons. No major pronoun issue here; kept pronoun 'them' consistent. Suggestion: use 'prefer' when explicitly comparing two groups.

× My primary school teachers, I haven't seen them for so many years, so I don't know what they're doing right now or where they are.

✓ I haven't seen my primary school teachers for many years, so I don't know what they are doing now or where they are.

Sentence order and tense: move time expression 'for many years' earlier for natural word order. Use 'what they are doing now' instead of contraction 'they're' for clarity; 'so many years' is informal—'many years' is more concise. Suggestion: place time phrases near the verb and avoid redundant commas.