Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 話し始めに直接的なトピック文は良いですが、文法的一貫性と文のつながりを改善しましょう。例えば現在と過去を混在させない（“was”と“makes”の不一致）こと、短い断片（“Always makes learning fun.”）を完全な文に直すこと、そしてもう一つ具体的なエピソードや理由を付け加えて説得力を高めると良いです。さらに、接続詞（because, so, for example）を使って文を滑らかに繋げてください。

例: My favorite teacher is my high school English teacher because she was very supportive and had a great sense of humor. For example, she used funny role-plays during lessons, which made learning enjoyable and helped me remember new vocabulary.

提案: 内容は明確ですが文法と語順に注意が必要です（“helping people learning”は不自然）。単語の形や不定詞/動名詞の使い分けを直し、理由を一つか二つの具体例で裏付けると良いです。また接続語（because, so）で理由を簡潔につなげてください。回答は最大5文に留め、簡潔さを意識しましょう。

例: Yes, I would like to be a teacher because I enjoy helping people learn new things. For instance, I like explaining difficult concepts clearly so students feel confident and motivated.

提案: 短く直接的で良いですが、さらに具体的な詳細（どのようにインスパイアしたか、具体的な出来事）を加えると自然で印象的になります。接続詞（for example, by）を使って説明を補強してください。語彙も少し広げられます。

例: Yes, I still remember my high school English teacher because she inspired me to study English by giving me interesting books and encouraging me to speak in class. For example, she praised my presentations, which boosted my confidence.

提案: 言い淀み（uh, umm）を減らし、冗長な“sometimes”の重複を避けて簡潔に述べましょう。句の流れを良くするために接続詞を使い、具体的な話題（what you discuss）を一つ示すと良いです。文法的には“current situation such as my university life”は不自然なので“my university life”など具体的に表現してください。

例: Yes, I still keep in touch with some primary school teachers. I visit the school occasionally and we often talk about my university life and career plans.

提案: 重要な成果を述べており良いですが、語順や表現を自然に整え、言い淀みを避けてください（“essays writing”→“writing my university application essays”）。また具体的にどの助言が役立ったか（例：構成、表現、フィードバック）を一つ加えると説得力が増します。

例: She helped me by reviewing and editing my university application essays, especially improving the structure and vocabulary. Thanks to her feedback, I was accepted into my first-choice university.

提案: 感情は伝わりますが、語彙と文法の誤り、言い淀み、冗長な説明を改善する必要があります。例えば“called at me”は不自然（おそらく“scolded me”）。過去の出来事を説明する際は時制を統一し、短く明確な理由（I prefer high school teachers because...）と一つの具体例を述べてください。またネガティブな表現を整理して、言いたい点を簡潔にまとめましょう。

例: I prefer my high school teachers because they supported and encouraged me more. I remember once a primary teacher scolded me for lending my pencil to a friend, which felt unfair.

× Always makes learning fun.

✓ She always made learning fun.

The original fragment lacks a subject and uses present tense 'makes' while the student previously referred to the teacher in the past ('She was very supportive'). This is a sentence structure and tense consistency issue. Fix by adding the subject 'She' and changing the verb to past tense 'made' to match the surrounding context.

× Yes, I'm into helping people learning, learn new things and also I believe teachers have a big influence on students.

✓ Yes, I'm into helping people learn new things, and I also believe teachers have a big influence on students.

After 'into' we use the gerund form, but the verb 'learn' here is the object of 'helping' and should be in the base form when following 'help' (help someone do something). The phrase 'helping people learning' is incorrect. Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity.

× I sometimes visit my primary school, meet my past teachers, uh, we umm, sometimes talk about current situation such as my university life.

✓ I sometimes visit my primary school and meet my former teachers; we sometimes talk about my current situation, such as my university life.

The original is a run-on with filler words and unclear phrasing. Use 'and' to connect activities, replace 'past teachers' with 'former teachers', remove fillers, and clarify 'current situation' by specifying 'my current situation'. Use a semicolon or separate sentences to avoid comma splice.

× She helped me with university application essays writing.

✓ She helped me with writing university application essays.

The noun phrase order is incorrect. Use 'writing' (gerund) before the object 'university application essays' or say 'with my university application essays'. Also 'essays writing' is not correct word order.

× Umm, finally I could get accepted into my first choice university thanks to her.

✓ Finally, I was able to get accepted into my first-choice university thanks to her.

Use past simple 'was able to get accepted' or 'could get accepted' is acceptable but 'could get accepted' is less natural here. Also add a hyphen in 'first-choice' and remove filler 'Umm'.

× I don't think so because my primary school teacher, uh, sometimes called at me for some reason.

✓ I don't think so because my primary school teacher, uh, sometimes called me for some reason.

The phrasal verb 'call at' is not used in this context. The correct verb is 'called me' (past tense) meaning 'scolded' or 'phoned me' depending on context. Remove 'at' which makes the sentence incorrect.

× Even I wasn't that bad.

✓ Even though I wasn't that bad.

A conjunction is needed to connect the idea; 'Even I wasn't that bad' is awkward. 'Even though I wasn't that bad' correctly introduces the contrast.

× I just lend my friends my pencil.

✓ I had just lent my friend my pencil.

Tense and number errors: In past context, use past perfect 'had lent' if emphasizing sequence, or simple past 'lent'. Also 'friends' plural conflicts with 'my pencil' singular; use 'my friend' or 'my friends' with 'their pencils'. The common phrasing is 'I had just lent my friend my pencil.'

× They scowled at me.

✓ They scowled at me.

This sentence is grammatically correct in past tense and needs no change; it correctly describes the reaction of others. No correction required.