Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but slightly long and repetitive. Begin with a concise topic sentence, avoid redundant phrases (e.g., “the reason why” and “is because”), and limit to one or two specific supporting details. Use a linking word to connect the reason smoothly.

例: My favourite teacher was my Consumer Insights professor at NUS. He taught with great energy and used interactive examples, so I felt completely focused and motivated to learn.

提案: Good direct response but a little wordy and slightly off-topic (assumes teaching equals primary teaching). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one concise reason and an example or brief contrast. Use linking words like “because” or “for example” and avoid long hypothetical clauses.

例: No, I don't want to be a teacher. I prefer working with adults and research, because teaching—especially at primary level—requires constant childcare and daily personal attention, which doesn't suit me.

提案: Strong personal story and relevant details. To improve, tighten the structure: one clear topic sentence, then linked supporting details using connectors (e.g., “because” / “so”). Avoid informal phrases like “nearly the bottom.”

例: Yes. My senior high English teacher stands out because she believed in me when my grades were poor. Because she encouraged me and offered extra help, I improved steadily and started aiming for higher goals.

提案: Response answers the question but is long-winded and repetitive. Start concisely (“No, not really.”), then give one clear reason with a linking phrase and a brief example or consequence. Avoid repeating the same idea in several clauses.

例: No, not really. As life goes on people move away and make new friends, so it's common to lose contact with primary school teachers.

提案: Very good and specific: explains influence and links to concrete result. To be even more natural, use a clearer topic sentence and tighten phrasing (avoid “I think” and “or”). Use a linking word like “so” to show result.

例: He opened a new academic door for me. After taking his Consumer Insights class I discovered a passion for psychology, so I am now applying for a second postgraduate degree in that field.

提案: You address the question but the answer is repetitive and ends abruptly. Give a concise topic sentence stating you cannot compare, then provide one or two clear contrasting points with linking words. Finish the final sentence fully and avoid redundant “I think” phrases.

例: It's difficult to compare because primary and high school teachers have different roles. For example, primary teachers often handle students' daily care and homework, whereas high school teachers focus more on subject teaching and exam preparation.

× Yes, my favorite teacher is the Professor of Consumer Insights when I undertook my postgraduate study in NUS.

✓ Yes, my favorite teacher was the professor of Consumer Insights when I undertook my postgraduate study at NUS.

Use of the definite article: 'the Professor of Consumer Insights' is acceptable only if referring to a specific titled post; lowercase 'professor' is more natural here. Also correct 'is' to 'was' to match past time frame ('when I undertook...') and change 'in NUS' to 'at NUS' (preposition of place). Use 'professor' lowercase unless using a formal title before a name.

× Only in his classes, I would 100% focus on the contents.

✓ Only in his classes would I focus 100% on the content.

Adverb placement: '100%' should be placed after the verb phrase for natural English. Also move the auxiliary 'would' before the subject in this inverted construction after a fronted adverbial ('Only in his classes'). Use singular 'content' rather than plural 'contents' when referring to course material.

× No, I don't, and I have never thought about this possibility because personally speaking I think becoming a teacher means you need to like interacting with children and if you want to become a teacher in primary school, it would mean you need to take care of almost every aspect of a student's life.

✓ No, I don't, and I have never thought about this possibility because, personally, I think becoming a teacher means you need to like interacting with children, and if you want to become a primary school teacher, it would mean you need to take care of almost every aspect of a student's life.

Present tense and word order: The original mixes phrasing awkwardly. Use 'personally' set off by commas. Change 'become a teacher in primary school' to 'become a primary school teacher' for natural word order. Tense 'would mean you need' is acceptable as a hypothetical; overall this correction smooths present-tense phrasing and word order.

× When I first entered Senior High School, I wasn't a very good student and my grades were at nearly the bottom of the class.

✓ When I first entered senior high school, I wasn't a very good student, and my grades were near the bottom of the class.

Pronoun/collocation and word choice: 'at nearly the bottom' is awkward; use 'near the bottom' or 'at nearly the bottom' is redundant. Also 'Senior High School' can be lowercased as common noun. Adjusted for natural collocation.

× But this English teacher, she had great faith in me and she encouraged me to work harder and to aim high.

✓ But this English teacher had great faith in me, and she encouraged me to work harder and aim high.

Pronoun use: Avoid redundant subject pronoun 'she' after a noun subject; English omits the pronoun when the noun subject is present. Also streamline parallel infinitives: 'work harder and aim high.'

× Not really, in fact I lost contact with most of my primary school classmates as well and I think this is just something you have to deal with as your life stage moves on and when you grow older, you will meet new people and make new friends and at the same time it is very likely that you forget some faces and never see them again.

✓ Not really. In fact, I lost contact with most of my primary school classmates, and I think this is just something you have to deal with as your life stage moves on. When you grow older, you will meet new people and make new friends, and at the same time it is very likely that you will forget some faces and never see them again.

Prepositions and verb forms: Insert punctuation and articles to separate long ideas for clarity. Change 'it is very likely that you forget' to 'it is very likely that you will forget' to match future-inclined prediction. 'As your life stage moves on' is clumsy but kept; punctuation improves readability.

× I think the biggest help or inspiration he has given me is that he opened up a new door in the academic world for me.

✓ I think the biggest help or inspiration he has given me is that he opened up a new door in the academic world for me.

Tense: This sentence mixes present perfect 'has given' with simple past 'opened'. Depending on intended meaning, both are acceptable: 'has given' + 'opened' is fine because the opening is a past event with present relevance. No obligatory change required; punctuation and clarity are acceptable.

× It was by taking his consumer insights class that I found my interest and passion in psychology and that is why I am applying for my second post graduate degree in that.

✓ It was by taking his consumer insights class that I found my interest and passion in psychology, and that is why I am applying for my second postgraduate degree in it.

Tense and word choice: 'post graduate' should be one word 'postgraduate'. Replace vague final pronoun 'that' with 'it' for clarity. Add comma before coordinating conjunction for clarity.

× I think it is very hard to compare because I think primary school teachers and high school teachers had completely different roles.

✓ I think it is very hard to compare because primary school teachers and high school teachers have completely different roles.

Sentence structure and tense: Use 'have' instead of 'had' to state a general truth about teachers' roles. Remove redundant second 'I think' to avoid repetition.

× For primary school teachers, I think one of the main duties of them is to take care of the students, no matter it is with their homework or with just their daily lives.

✓ For primary school teachers, I think one of their main duties is to take care of the students, whether it is with their homework or with their daily lives.

Sentence structure: Replace 'one of the main duties of them' with 'one of their main duties' for natural possessive construction. Use 'whether' instead of 'no matter' to introduce alternatives correctly.

× But high school teachers just don't have to they all they need to do is focus on the.

✓ But high school teachers don't have to do that; all they need to do is focus on academics.

Sentence structure and missing words: Original is fragmented and missing objects. Insert 'do that' to refer back to 'take care of students' and complete the clause. Finish the sentence with a clear object: 'focus on academics.' Use punctuation and concise phrasing.