Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and focused: start with a clear topic sentence and then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g. repeating that you loved the subject). Use varied vocabulary and correct small grammar mistakes (e.g. "compared with other subjects," "I have always loved it" → clarify what "it" refers to).

例: My favourite teacher is my school IT teacher, Ms Neha. She stands out because she explains difficult computer concepts clearly and uses practical activities in class, which helped me understand software tools faster. Moreover, she is patient and gives useful feedback, so I became more confident in IT.

提案: Make the answer shorter and structure it: state your intention, give one specific reason, and add a brief linking phrase. Fix small grammar ("in the coming future" → "in the future").

例: Yes, I would like to be a teacher in the future because I enjoy guiding others and helping them learn. For example, my IT teacher inspired me by showing how practical lessons can build students' skills, so I plan to train as a professional teacher.

提案: Avoid repetition ("still" used twice). Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give specific examples of how you stay in touch using linking words. Correct phrasing: "on special occasions" rather than "occasional festivals."

例: Yes, my IT teacher is someone I still remember and stay in contact with. We follow each other on social media and, on special occasions like national festivals, we exchange greetings and sometimes small gifts, which helps us maintain a good bond.

提案: Start with a direct answer ("No, I'm not"). Then give a concise reason and one specific detail about efforts to reconnect. Avoid informal phrasing like "scroll and find out"; use "search for". Watch repetition ("Unfortunate. Unfortunately").

例: No, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers because I moved to a different area for secondary and high school. However, I sometimes search for their profiles on social media so I can reconnect if possible.

提案: Be specific and give clear examples with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like "every possible way" and unclear wording "doing excellent things" or "Add practical easy keys". Instead, list two concrete ways she helped and explain the effect on you.

例: She helped me by supervising my IT projects and teaching practical computer skills, such as creating presentations and touch-typing. As a result, I became faster at preparing assignments and more confident using different software.

× She has always been my favorite in comparison with other subjects as I have always loved it.

✓ She has always been my favorite teacher compared to other teachers because I have always loved IT.

The sentence incorrectly mixes references to 'subjects' and pronouns. 'Favorite' needs a clear noun: 'favorite teacher' fits context. 'In comparison with other subjects' is awkward; use 'compared to other teachers' or 'compared to other subjects'. Pronoun 'it' ambiguously refers to 'IT' (information technology); writing 'IT' clarifies meaning. Also simplify to convey consistent comparison.

× There is information technology and her way of teaching is absolutely amazing.

✓ She teaches information technology, and her way of teaching is absolutely amazing.

The original 'There is information technology' is a weak existential construction and does not link the teacher to the subject. Using an active clause 'She teaches information technology' is clearer and appropriate for present tense. This corrects sentence structure and makes the subject-action relationship explicit.

× Yes, absolutely I would love to be a teacher in the future as I'm also preparing to be a professional teacher and I really love guiding others and I'm also very much inspired by my IT teacher that is the reason why I have decided to become a teacher in coming future.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I would love to be a teacher in the future because I'm preparing to become a professional teacher. I really enjoy guiding others, and I am very inspired by my IT teacher; that is why I have decided to become a teacher in the near future.

The original is a run-on with repeated and awkward phrasing. Break into sentences and replace 'in coming future' with 'in the near future'. Use 'because' instead of 'as' for clearer cause. 'Would love' is fine as modal but clarity improves by separating ideas and using consistent verb forms ('am preparing', 'enjoy').

× As I mentioned about my IT teacher, she is still one of the teachers that I still remember and I am in contact with.

✓ As I mentioned, my IT teacher is still one of the teachers I remember and am in contact with.

'Mentioned about' is incorrect; use 'mentioned' without 'about'. 'That I still remember and I am in contact with' is wordy and has redundant 'still' and repeated 'I'. Combine clauses and remove redundancy for natural English.

× We are connected on social media and on every occasional festivals in my country.

✓ We are connected on social media and on every occasional festival in my country.

'On every occasional festivals' mixes singular/plural and uses wrong preposition/word form. Use singular 'festival' with 'every' or plural without 'every'. Correct preposition 'on' is fine for days/events; keep 'occasional' though 'occasional festivals' or 'on every festival' are clearer.

× We greet each other, sometimes we send gifts and we have a really good bond right now.

✓ We greet each other, sometimes exchange gifts, and have a really good bond now.

The original repeats subject 'we' excessively. Combine verbs in a list with parallel structure: 'greet each other, sometimes exchange gifts, and have a really good bond.' Replace 'right now' with 'now' for naturalness.

× Unfortunate. Unfortunately not because after completing my primary school, I completed my secondary and high school in a different area so I'm not in touch with the teachers but I still try to scroll and find out their Instagram ID so I can be in touch with them.

✓ Unfortunately, no. After finishing primary school, I completed secondary and high school in a different area, so I'm not in touch with those teachers. I still try to find their Instagram accounts so I can contact them.

'Unfortunate. Unfortunately not' is awkward; use 'Unfortunately, no.' 'Completed my secondary and high school' is acceptable but 'finished' is more natural. 'Scroll and find out their Instagram ID' is colloquial and unclear; use 'find their Instagram accounts' or 'usernames' and 'contact them.' Break into shorter sentences for clarity.

× I would say my favorite teacher has helped me in every possible way, which includes helping me with the projects, doing excellent things.

✓ I would say my favorite teacher has helped me in every possible way, including helping me with projects and doing excellent work.

'The projects' is unnecessary; use plural 'projects' without 'the' unless specific. 'Doing excellent things' is vague; 'doing excellent work' or 'providing excellent support' is clearer. Replace 'which includes' with 'including' for smoother phrasing.

× Add practical easy keys for using computer along with making presentations and typing.

✓ She taught practical, easy techniques for using a computer, making presentations, and typing.

'Add' is incorrect verb choice here; use 'taught' or 'showed'. 'Practical easy keys' is unnatural; use 'practical, easy techniques' or 'tips'. Also include the article 'a' before 'computer' and use parallel gerund phrases 'using a computer, making presentations, and typing.'