Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use natural sentence structures. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Correct grammar (e.g., 'each people' → 'each person' or 'each student') and avoid repetition.

例: Yes. My favorite teacher was my elementary school teacher, Ms. Ushijima. She was passionate about teaching and strict yet kind, which helped me improve my study habits and confidence.

提案: Open with a direct answer (Yes/No) and then add specific reasons. Use formal contractions and vocabulary (e.g., 'want to' instead of 'wanna'), and avoid starting with 'Or'. Mention concrete ways you would teach or topics you would share.

例: Yes, I would like to teach in the future. I have previously taught medical students while working as a doctor, which gave me valuable experience, and I hope to teach again to share my clinical insights and my experiences studying overseas.

提案: Reduce hesitations ('uh') and correct grammar and word choice (e.g., 'a very good cardiologist', 'taught me a lot about cardiology', 'attractive aspects'). Provide one clear reason how he influenced you.

例: Yes. I remember a cardiologist I met during my residency who taught me many clinical techniques and explained the intellectual challenges of cardiology. Because of his guidance, I decided to specialize in cardiology.

提案: Answer directly and use correct grammar and tense: 'I'm not in touch' or 'I don't keep in touch'. Avoid filler words ('umm', 'wanna') and be specific about plans to reconnect.

例: No, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers. I would like to meet my favorite teacher, but I don't have her contact details. I plan to try to find her through the school alumni office.

提案: Begin with a direct statement of how your teacher helped you, then give a specific example. Use clearer vocabulary ('understand students' thoughts', 'listening to students') and avoid vague phrasing.

例: My favorite teacher helped me by taking time to understand students' thoughts and concerns. For example, she listened to my worries about exams and gave practical study advice, which reduced my anxiety and improved my grades.

× Teacher. Yes, When I was in elementary school, I had a very good teacher.

✓ Yes. When I was in elementary school, I had a very good teacher.

The word 'Teacher.' at the start is unnecessary and interrupts the sentence. Removing it and capitalizing 'When' correctly begins the sentence. Also ensure only one sentence start; use a period instead of a stray word.

× She really had a good passion for education.

✓ She had a strong passion for education.

'Good passion' is unnatural in English; 'passion' is modified by adjectives like 'strong' or 'great.' Replacing 'really had a good' with 'had a strong' makes the phrase natural and concise.

× She was strict but always kind to each people, each students.

✓ She was strict but always kind to each person and each student.

'Each people' and 'each students' are incorrect: 'people' is plural and not used with 'each,' and 'students' plural conflicts with 'each.' Use 'each person' or 'each student' (singular) or use plural without 'each' (e.g., 'kind to people and students'). Ensure singular after 'each.'

× Or previously I worked as a teacher for medical students while working as a doctor.

✓ Previously, I worked as a teacher for medical students while I was working as a doctor.

Beginning with 'Or' is inappropriate here; it creates a fragment. Add a comma after 'Previously' and include 'I was' to form a complete subordinate clause. This clarifies the simultaneous roles.

× It was a very interesting job for me.

✓ It was a very interesting job for me.

Sentence is acceptable; no article error. No change needed.

× I could get a very good experience and insight from them.

✓ I could gain valuable experience and insights from them.

'Get' is informal; 'gain' is more appropriate. 'Very good experience and insight' is awkward—use 'valuable experience and insights' (plural 'insights' fits better). This improves register and clarity.

× So in the future I wanna try to do that and I wanna share my experience of studying overseas.

✓ So in the future I want to try that and I want to share my experience of studying overseas.

Use 'want to' instead of colloquial 'wanna' in formal speech. 'Try to do that' is wordy; 'try that' or 'try to do that' both work, but 'try that' is clearer here. Ensure consistent formal register.

× Yes, I still remember a good teacher.

✓ Yes, I still remember a good teacher.

Sentence is acceptable as is; no article correction required.

× Uh, he was very good cardiologist.

✓ He was a very good cardiologist.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'very good cardiologist.' In English, singular countable nouns require an article.

× I met him when I was a resident doctor.

✓ I met him when I was a resident doctor.

Sentence is acceptable; no article correction required.

× He taught me a lot of things about cardiologist and he showed me a attractive point of cardiology.

✓ He taught me a lot about cardiology and he showed me the attractive aspects of cardiology.

'About cardiologist' is incorrect; use 'about cardiology' (the field). 'A attractive point' is wrong: use 'an attractive point' or better 'the attractive aspects.' Also 'a lot of things about' can be simplified to 'a lot about.' This corrects prepositions and article choices.

× So I decide to become a cardiologist as well.

✓ So I decided to become a cardiologist as well.

The context refers to a past decision, so use past tense 'decided.' This aligns tense with 'I met him' and 'he taught me.'

× Unfortunately, I'm not keep in touch with my primary school teachers.

✓ Unfortunately, I'm not in touch with my primary school teachers.

'Keep in touch' is the base phrase meaning maintain contact; here 'I'm not in touch' or 'I don't keep in touch' are correct. 'I'm not keep in touch' is ungrammatical. Use 'not in touch' to express current lack of contact.

× Sometimes I wanna meet her umm, but I don't know the address of her and I cannot do that.

✓ Sometimes I want to meet her, but I don't know her address so I cannot do that.

Use 'want to' instead of 'wanna.' 'The address of her' is incorrect word order; use 'her address.' Also combine clauses with 'so' for clarity and avoid filler 'umm.' Maintain formal register.

× But in the future I will try to do that.

✓ But in the future I will try to do that.

Sentence is acceptable; future tense 'will try' is appropriate.

× I think just reaching into the thought of students is very important way for a teacher to have students.

✓ I think reaching students' thoughts is a very important way for a teacher to reach students.

Original is awkward and repetitive. 'Reaching into the thought of students' and 'to have students' are unclear. Suggest 'reaching students' thoughts' or 'understanding students' thoughts' and clarify the teacher's goal: 'to reach or understand students.' This corrects structure and clarity.

× I think many teachers don't have enough time to listen to students, so just spending the time or listening to their story is important for students.

✓ I think many teachers don't have enough time to listen to students, so spending time listening to their stories is important for students.

'Just spending the time or listening to their story' is awkward. Remove 'just' and use 'spending time listening to their stories.' Use plural 'stories' to match 'students.' This improves fluency and article use.