Teachers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and directly answer first, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid phrases like "I tend to try" which sound hesitant and reduce clarity. Use linking words (for example, "because" or "for instance") to connect the reason with the topic sentence.

例: Yes. My favourite teacher was my 10th-grade English teacher, Sir Bernardo Stavillier, because he never gave up on students and provided a lot of individual support. For example, he stayed after class to help me improve my writing and encouraged me when I felt discouraged.

提案: Begin with a clear, direct statement about your current preference, then give a concise reason and one supporting detail. Correct grammatical errors (e.g., "I am not suitable" not "I am someone suit suitable"). Avoid filler words like "hmm" and keep to two or three sentences.

例: No, I don't want to be a teacher. I considered it when I was a child, but now I think a career in healthcare suits me better because I enjoy science and helping people. For example, I plan to study nursing to work directly with patients.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the teacher, then give specific, coherent details about how they helped you. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "Rachel Broadcasting", "problems of my Indian") and correct grammar ("achieve certain goals"). Use linking words like "for example" or "because" to clarify effects.

例: Yes. My mentor, Sir Bernie, is someone I still remember clearly because he coached me in journalism. For example, he taught me interviewing techniques at our college radio station and helped me win a student reporting award, which boosted my confidence.

提案: Give a direct answer first and then add one brief reason or example. Avoid repetitive phrases like "parted already parted ways" and streamline sentences. Use linking words such as "because" to connect ideas and keep within 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I'm not still in touch with most of my primary school teachers because we went our separate ways after moving to different cities. Occasionally I remember a few names, but we don't communicate anymore.

提案: Answer directly and provide one specific example describing what the teacher did and how it affected you. Correct grammar ("has helped" not "have helped", "on the verge" not "in the verge"), and avoid fillers like "yeah." Use linking words such as "for instance" or "because" to make the effect clear.

例: He helped me by giving practical feedback and emotional support when I wanted to quit journalism. For instance, he reviewed my articles with me, suggested ways to improve, and encouraged me to keep practising, which restored my confidence and motivated me to continue.

× I tend to try not to have a bias inside of the classroom, but if I get to pick or say that I have a favorite teacher, it is my 10th grade English teacher, Sir Bernardo Stavillier.

✓ I try not to be biased in the classroom, but if I had to pick a favorite teacher, it would be my 10th-grade English teacher, Sir Bernardo Stavillier.

Use 'be biased' rather than 'have a bias' for natural phrasing; use 'in the classroom' not 'inside of the classroom' (extra 'of' is unnecessary); 'if I get to pick or say that I have a favorite teacher' is wordy and inconsistent with the conditional—better: 'if I had to pick a favorite teacher'. Use conditional 'would be' to match 'if I had to'. Also hyphenate '10th-grade' as a compound adjective.

× He is a type of teacher that will not give up on you and help you through the way.

✓ He is the kind of teacher who will not give up on you and will help you along the way.

Use 'kind of teacher' or 'type of teacher' is acceptable but 'who' refers to people (not 'that'); for third-person singular verbs, match 'will help' with subject 'He'—use 'will help' (added) and change 'through the way' to 'along the way' for idiomatic expression.

× Well that decision came across my mind when I was in 3rd grade but now I don't think so.

✓ Well, that idea came to me when I was in 3rd grade, but now I don't think so.

'Came across my mind' is non-idiomatic; use 'came to me' or 'occurred to me'. 'Decision' is not accurate if referring to a thought or idea. Keep past tense 'came' for the past event and present 'don't think so' for current opinion.

× I am someone suit suitable for that role in the future.

✓ I am not suitable for that role in the future.

'Someone suit suitable' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'I am not suitable' to express lack of suitability. If the speaker intends to say they are suited, use 'I am suitable' or 'I am suited to that role'.

× I'm more on hmm maybe a healthcare department instead of teaching.

✓ I'm leaning more toward working in healthcare rather than teaching.

'More on' is informal and unclear; use 'leaning more toward' or 'more interested in'. 'A healthcare department' is awkward here; 'working in healthcare' is more natural. Use 'rather than' or 'rather than teaching' for contrast.

× One teacher that has been etched in my mind is probably my mentor Sir Bernie.

✓ One teacher who has been etched in my mind is probably my mentor, Sir Bernie.

Use 'who' for people rather than 'that'. Add a comma before the name as a vocative/identifying apposition. 'Probably' placement is acceptable but can be after 'is' for clarity.

× He is my journalistic coach and Rachel Broadcasting.

✓ He is my journalistic coach at Rachel Broadcasting.

Use the preposition 'at' to indicate affiliation with an organization. The original lacked a preposition and made the phrase unclear.

× He helped me to achieve a certain goals in my life and other aspects and other problems of my Indian.

✓ He helped me achieve certain goals in my life and other areas, and with other problems related to my identity.

Remove the unnecessary 'to' after 'helped me' (both 'helped me achieve' and 'helped me to achieve' are possible; choose concise form). Use plural agreement 'certain goals' without 'a'. 'Other aspects and other problems of my Indian' is ungrammatical and unclear; replace with 'other areas' and clarify meaning—if referring to issues related to being Indian or identity, say 'problems related to my identity'.

× I am not that close with my primary teachers.

✓ I am not that close to my primary school teachers.

Use 'close to' rather than 'close with' for relationships in this context, and specify 'primary school teachers' for clarity. Original isn't strictly ungrammatical but preposition choice is more natural.

× Other than that I don't really remember all of them anymore.

✓ Besides that, I don't really remember all of them anymore.

'Other than that' can be used but 'Besides that' is more natural here; sentence otherwise acceptable.

× But clearly because we have separated ways, we parted already parted ways and we don't see much often and we don't hear from each other that much anymore.

✓ But we've gone our separate ways; we don't see each other often and we don't hear from each other much anymore.

Original contains redundancy ('separated ways' and 'parted already parted ways') and awkward phrasing. Use 'we've gone our separate ways' or 'we parted ways' (one phrase). Use 'don't see each other often' and 'don't hear from each other much anymore' for natural word order.

× My favorite teacher have helped me in so many ways I could ever imagine.

✓ My favorite teacher has helped me in so many ways I could ever imagine.

Subject 'My favorite teacher' is singular, so use singular verb 'has' not 'have'.

× But one thing that resonated with me was when I was so down and I was in the verge of quitting in my journalism field, he helped me, yeah.

✓ One thing that resonated with me was that when I was feeling very down and on the verge of quitting journalism, he helped me.

Use 'that' to introduce the content of what resonated. Use 'feeling very down' and 'on the verge of quitting journalism'—'in the verge' is incorrect (use 'on the verge'), and drop filler 'yeah'. Place clauses in natural order.