Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you like to keep things tidy, then give one or two specific reasons or examples. Use correct verb forms and reduce repetition. Keep it under 4–5 short sentences and include linking words (for example, however, but, because).

例: I like the idea of keeping things tidy, but in practice I don’t always manage it. For example, I often mean to organize my clothes and desk, but I procrastinate and they end up messy. However, I try to tidy up once a week to make the space more usable.

提案: Answer directly about the past with a clear topic sentence, use past tense for childhood, and give a specific detail or contrast. Avoid unclear phrases like “from a chart” and filler words. Use one linking word (for example, although, however) to connect ideas.

例: Not really — when I was a child I rarely kept my room tidy. Although my parents asked me to tidy up, I preferred playing and left toys on the floor most of the time. As a result, my room was often cluttered until my parents helped me clean.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence explaining your method, then give specific steps or habits. Use linking words like because and for example, and correct noun phrases (e.g., “study space,” “my surroundings”). Keep it concise and avoid repeating the same idea.

例: I keep my study space tidy by following a simple routine: I clear my desk every evening, file papers in folders, and put books back on the shelf. Because a clean desk helps me focus, I also remove unnecessary items before I start working.

提案: Give a clear opinion in the topic sentence, then support it with one or two specific reasons or examples. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “affect our performance” instead of “actions and mentor”) and linking words such as because or therefore. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I think being tidy is important to some extent because it affects our performance and concentration. For example, when my desk is cluttered I find it harder to focus and complete tasks efficiently. Therefore, I try to keep my workspace orderly to work better.

× Actually I like to be a well cleaned person and I want to clear my stuff and my room but I'm not gonna keeping things tidy so my room is always messed up.

✓ Actually I like to be a well-cleaned person and I want to clear my stuff and my room, but I'm not going to keep things tidy so my room is always messed up.

The error is using 'gonna keeping' which incorrectly combines informal 'gonna' and a gerund. Use 'going to' + base verb ('keep') for future intention. Also use a hyphen in 'well-cleaned' as a compound adjective and add a comma before 'but' to join clauses. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× I think I'm not a tidy person, so from a chart it's difficult for me to clean my room well. So umm, I'm not keeping my room clearly.

✓ I think I'm not a tidy person, so for the most part it's difficult for me to clean my room well. So, umm, I don't keep my room tidy.

'From a chart' is incorrect phrasing; use 'for the most part' or 'generally'. 'I'm not keeping my room clearly' mixes progressive aspect and wrong adverb; use simple present 'I don't keep my room tidy' to state a habitual fact and 'tidy' as adjective. Grammar problem type ID: 6

× I try to clean my space at work and study place because when place is well cleaned my concentration is improved so I try to clean my around.

✓ I try to clean my workspace at work and my study area because when a place is clean my concentration improves, so I try to clean the area around me.

Missing articles: use 'the' or 'my' before nouns ('my workspace', 'my study area'). 'Study place' is unnatural; 'study area' is better. 'Well cleaned' is awkward; use 'clean'. 'My concentration is improved' is passive and unnatural here; use active 'my concentration improves'. 'Clean my around' is incorrect; use 'clean the area around me'. Grammar problem type ID:22

× I think it's necessary for some extent because it can affect our actions and mentor.

✓ I think it's necessary to some extent because it can affect our actions and mood.

Use 'to some extent' rather than 'for some extent'. 'Mentor' is incorrect in context; likely intended 'mood' or 'behavior'. Choose 'mood' if referring to mental state. Ensure noun matches meaning. Grammar problem type ID:11

× When we see messed up space, we lose our concentration so we can't fully concentrate on our jobs.

✓ When we see a messy space, we lose our concentration, so we can't fully concentrate on our work.

Use 'a messy space' instead of 'messed up space' for natural phrasing. Add articles where needed. 'Jobs' is plural and sounds odd; 'work' is more natural for general activities. Keep the modal 'can't' to express inability; sentence otherwise correct. Also add a comma before 'so' to join clauses. Grammar problem type ID:4