Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with a linking word. Avoid repeating the same idea and correct grammar (e.g., use adjectives and articles properly).

例: Yes, I do. I find a tidy space helps me stay healthy and focused, because there is less dust and fewer distractions. For example, when my desk is organized I can concentrate better on work.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity. Begin with a clear short answer, then explain with specific details and a linking word. Use past tense correctly and correct word choices (e.g., 'my room was always cleaned by my mother', 'she told me').

例: No, I didn’t. My mother usually cleaned my room because I was quite messy, and she often told me I didn’t tidy up properly. As a result, I used to leave toys and clothes all over the floor.

提案: Be more organized and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence about your usual habit, then explain the steps you take with linking words. Avoid unclear phrases ('claim for a vacation') and use correct verb forms.

例: Usually I keep only the materials I need on my desk and store other books on a shelf. However, when I have to study intensively I move extra books to my bed and clear the desk so I can focus without distractions.

提案: Make your response more fluid and specific. Give a clear opinion, then support it with two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because' and 'so'). Mention a specific routine or frequency. Correct phrasing like 'mental wellbeing' and 'once a week'.

例: Yes, I do. Being tidy is necessary because it reduces germs and improves mental wellbeing, so I clean my room once a week to stay healthy and calm.

× Yes, I like keeping things tidy because I think clean is very important to our health and you can refresh your mind via cleaning up your environment.

✓ Yes, I like keeping things tidy because I think cleanliness is very important for our health and you can refresh your mind by cleaning your environment.

The student used the adjective 'clean' where the noun 'cleanliness' or the adjective 'clean' modifying a noun was required, and the preposition 'to'/'via' is less natural than 'by' for expressing means. Use 'important for' rather than 'important to' when referring to health. Also 'cleaning up your environment' simplified to 'cleaning your environment' for clarity and naturalness.

× Also clean up your mind.

✓ Also, clear your mind.

'Clean up your mind' is not idiomatic; the correct phrase is 'clear your mind.' Also add a comma after 'Also' and use the verb 'clear' to express making the mind free of clutter.

× No, actually when I was a child my run always be swept by my mother and she always blend me that I didn't clean my room diligently so I put everything at everywhere.

✓ No, actually when I was a child my room was always swept by my mother and she always told me that I didn't clean my room diligently, so I put things everywhere.

Multiple issues: 'run' is a typo for 'room.' Passive past requires 'was always swept' not 'always be swept.' 'Blend' is wrong word; 'told' fits. 'Put everything at everywhere' is ungrammatical; use 'put things everywhere.' Use past tense consistently for past habits/events.

× Well actually I put all the books on my desk when I don't use my desktop, but if I need to study or do something important thing be on the desk, I will put those books on my bed and claim for an vacation for studying.

✓ Well, actually I put all the books on my desk when I don't use my computer, but if I need to study or do something important on the desk, I will put those books on my bed and take a vacation to study.

'Desktop' likely intended as 'computer'; 'on my desk' vs 'on the desk' consistency improved. The clause 'do something important thing be on the desk' is ungrammatical — use 'do something important on the desk.' 'Claim for an vacation' is incorrect; use 'take a vacation' and 'to study' expresses purpose. Also add commas for clarity.

× Do you think that it is necessary to be tidy?

✓ Do you think it is necessary to be tidy?

This sentence is grammatical but includes an unnecessary 'that.' Removing 'that' produces a more natural question form in spoken English. This falls under 'There be issue' category only because the list requires selection; the correction is stylistic rather than grammatical.

× Yes, I think it is necessary, though the process of cleaning might be very tedious and boring, but let's say just I said it's very important for our health and mental situation, so I will clean my room one time a week.

✓ Yes, I think it is necessary. Although the process of cleaning might be tedious and boring, as I said it is very important for our physical and mental health, so I clean my room once a week.

Multiple tense and style issues: avoid using both 'though' and 'but' together; restructure into clearer sentences. Use 'as I said' instead of 'let's say just I said.' 'Mental situation' is awkward; use 'mental health.' For habitual action use simple present 'I clean my room once a week' rather than 'I will clean.' 'One time a week' is better as 'once a week.'