Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện độ tự nhiên và ngắn gọn: Tránh lặp từ và các filler (ví dụ: "to be honest", "really"). Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, rồi thêm 1-2 chi tiết cụ thể. Luyện dùng những liên từ đơn giản để mạch lạc (because, so, therefore).

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy keeping my space tidy because it helps me feel calm and focused. For example, I always put clothes in the wardrobe and clear my desk every evening, so I can start the next day without distractions.

提案: Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng, loại bỏ filler và sửa cụm từ sai (ví dụ "As a child's child" không đúng, "put placing" sai). Giữ câu ngắn gọn: nêu thói quen trong quá khứ và so sánh ngắn với hiện tại. Thêm ví dụ cụ thể về việc bạn làm khi còn nhỏ.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child I often tidied my room every weekend, organizing toys and books on shelves. However, now I am busier with work and study, so I only clean thoroughly on days off.

提案: Tránh lặp từ và filler, dùng cấu trúc rõ ràng (topic sentence + 1-2 supporting details). Cung cấp hành động cụ thể và tần suất (e.g., "once a week", "every evening"). Sử dụng liên từ để mạch lạc (so, then).

例: I try to keep my study area tidy by clearing my desk every evening and filing papers immediately. If it gets messy, I spend a day off rearranging shelves and labeling folders so everything is easy to find.

提案: Làm rõ ý chính ngay từ đầu và giảm sự mơ hồ. Tránh cấu trúc dài với lỗi ngữ pháp ("that has the same personality as mine" → "who have a similar personality"). Nêu lý do cụ thể và 1 ví dụ/nguyên nhân để minh họa. Dùng linking words (however, because, therefore).

例: I think it depends on the person; some people can work well in clutter, but I prefer tidiness because it reduces stress and saves time. For instance, when my desk is organized I can find documents quickly and finish tasks more efficiently.

× I would really be uncomfortable if my room is a mess or anywhere I go it's a mess.

✓ I would really be uncomfortable if my room were a mess or if anywhere I went were a mess.

The sentence uses conditional mood requiring subjunctive 'were' for hypothetical situations and also needs consistent past subjunctive in both clauses; additionally 'go' should be backshifted to 'went' to match the hypothetical. Use 'if...were' for unreal present situations and repeat 'if' for clarity.

× As a child's child, I used to always spend time, uh, tidying up my room and put placing things in their correct location.

✓ As a child, I used to always spend time tidying up my room and placing things in their correct locations.

The phrase 'As a child's child' is incorrect; use 'As a child'. 'Put placing' is redundant; choose the gerund 'placing' after 'spend time'. Use plural 'locations' to match 'things'. These are article and word choice issues and gerund structure.

× ...tidying up my room and put placing things in their correct location.

✓ ...tidying up my room and placing things in their correct locations.

After 'spend time' the verbs should be in the -ing form (gerund). 'Put placing' is incorrect duplication. Use 'placing' alone and make 'location' plural to agree with multiple items.

× But now that I've grown up and have a lot more to do, I don't have as much time as I used to.

✓ But now that I've grown up and have a lot more to do, I don't have as much time as I used to.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It already correctly uses present perfect 'I've grown up' and present simple 'don't have' comparing to past 'used to'.

× Well, my time and schedule is really tight, but occasionally I would spend a day off to, uh, put things up in their correct place and, you know, rearrange my workplace so that it seems more in order and, you know, uh, pleasant to look at.

✓ Well, my time and schedule are really tight, but occasionally I spend a day off to put things in their correct places and rearrange my workplace so that it seems more in order and pleasant to look at.

Subject-verb agreement: 'time and schedule' is plural so use 'are'. Use 'spend' rather than 'would spend' for habitual occasional actions. 'Put things up in' is awkward; use 'put things in' and plural 'places'. Remove filler words for clarity. Preposition and agreement corrections applied.

× Well, it really depends on the type of person, because you don't really have to be tidy for your work to be efficient.

✓ Well, it really depends on the type of person, because you don't necessarily have to be tidy for your work to be efficient.

Add 'necessarily' to convey intended meaning more precisely. The original is understandable but 'don't really have to' is colloquial; this is a clarity and register improvement (sentence structure/style).

× But for me and for other people that has the same personality as mine, tidiness is absolutely important.

✓ But for me and for other people who have the same personality as mine, tidiness is absolutely important.

Use 'who' for people, not 'that'. Also change 'has' to 'have' to agree with plural subject 'other people'. This fixes pronoun choice and subject-verb agreement.