Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one brief reason or example. Avoid awkward phrasing (e.g. “not great in myself”) and redundant words. Use linking words if adding detail (e.g. “but” or “because”).

例: Yes, I do like things tidy, but I’m not very good at keeping the house clean myself, so my husband usually does most of the tidying. This works well for us because I focus on other chores while he organizes shared spaces.

提案: Answer directly and refine grammar. Use past tense consistently and add a short specific detail about how your mother helped. Use a linking word like “because” to connect reason and result.

例: No, I didn’t. Because my mother wanted me to focus on studying, I spent most of my time doing homework and she would clean my room for me. For example, she folded my clothes and tidied my desk every evening.

提案: Make your response clearer and more grammatical. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then give a specific method and a reason. Avoid unclear phrases like “I try to have my stuff at least.” Use linking words such as “so” and “because.”

例: I try to keep my study area minimal so it’s easier to maintain. For example, I only keep essential books and stationery on my desk and store everything else in drawers, because having fewer items helps me clean quickly.

提案: This answer is clear and relevant but can be made more natural and concise. Remove filler words like “uh” and combine ideas into one fluent sentence. Provide a brief specific example of how tidiness helps you focus.

例: Yes, I do. When my surroundings are messy I feel anxious, so keeping things tidy helps me relax and concentrate—for instance, I find I study for longer periods when my desk is uncluttered.

× Yes, I like to keep things tidy but actually I am not great in myself so usually my husband clear our house.

✓ Yes, I like to keep things tidy, but actually I am not great at it, so usually my husband clears our house.

The phrase 'great in myself' is incorrect; use 'great at it' to refer to the skill. 'Husband clear' has a subject-verb agreement error: third person singular requires 'clears'. Also add a comma before 'but' for clarity. Suggestion: replace 'in myself' with 'at it' and use 'clears' for third person singular.

× No, I didn't because my mother want me to study more at the time.

✓ No, I didn't because my mother wanted me to study more at the time.

The clause refers to past time ('didn't' and 'at the time'), so the verb should be past tense: 'wanted' not 'want'. Suggestion: use past tense verbs consistently for past events.

× So at that time I was studying and my mother cleaned up my space.

✓ So at that time I was studying and my mother cleaned my room.

'Cleaned up my space' is understandable but awkward; 'cleaned my room' or 'tidied my space' is more natural. No tense change needed. Suggestion: prefer natural collocations like 'cleaned my room' or 'tidied my space'.

× As I mentioned, I'm not good at it so I try to have my stuff at least because I think the more stuff I have it's difficult to for me to clean up.

✓ As I mentioned, I'm not good at it, so I try to keep my stuff to a minimum because the more stuff I have, the more difficult it is for me to clean up.

Problems: 'try to have my stuff at least' is ungrammatical; intended meaning is 'keep my stuff to a minimum'. 'the more stuff I have it's difficult to for me to clean up' has clumsy structure and extra words: use comparative correlative 'the more..., the more...' and 'it is difficult for me to clean up' (remove extra 'to'). Suggestion: use 'keep my stuff to a minimum' and the pattern 'the more X, the more Y'.

× Yes, I think so because uh, when my surroundings are messy I get nervous and stressed.

✓ Yes, I think so, because when my surroundings are messy, I get nervous and stressed.

Main issue is punctuation and filler 'uh' which can be omitted in writing. Grammar is otherwise correct present simple for habitual states. Add commas for clarity. Suggestion: remove fillers and add commas around subordinate clause.

× So uh, keeping all tidy makes me relaxed and makes me concentrate.

✓ So, keeping everything tidy helps me relax and concentrate.

'Keeping all tidy' is unnatural; use 'keeping everything tidy'. 'Makes me relaxed' should be 'helps me relax' and 'makes me concentrate' is better as 'helps me concentrate' or 'allows me to concentrate'. Using 'helps me relax and concentrate' is concise and natural. Suggestion: use 'everything' not 'all', and use 'helps me relax/concentrate'.