Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and filler words, make a clear topic sentence, and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Aim for natural phrasing and correct word choice (e.g., 'helps me organize my things' instead of 'organisms').

例: Yes, I do. I always keep my room tidy because a clean desk helps me concentrate and find study materials quickly. For example, I arrange my textbooks on a shelf and use boxes for stationery, which saves time when I study.

提案: Provide a clear past-tense topic sentence, avoid grammar mistakes, and give a concise reason with one example. Use linking words like 'however' or 'but' to show contrast.

例: Not really. When I was a child I spent most of my time playing with friends, so I seldom tidied my room. However, my mother taught me to clean up after myself, and I started making my bed every morning.

提案: Start with a direct statement about your methods, then give specific actions and use linking words to connect ideas. Correct word forms and avoid repetition.

例: I keep my study space tidy by organizing my desk daily. For example, I file loose papers in a folder, keep only the books I need on the desk, and put stationery in a pen holder so I can concentrate better.

提案: Give a clear opinion sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and provide two concise reasons with linking words. Use accurate vocabulary ('organized', 'clear your mind').

例: Yes, I think being tidy is important. Firstly, it helps you stay organized so you can find things quickly; secondly, a neat environment reduces stress and makes it easier to focus on tasks.

× I umm, try to keep things uh, tidy to study and it helps me to concentrate on study and focus on organisms like helps me organize things.

✓ I try to keep things tidy to study, and it helps me concentrate on my studies and organize my things.

Original has incorrect use of verbs and noun forms (e.g., 'concentrate on study', 'focus on organisms like helps me organize things') causing awkward meaning. Use the base verb 'concentrate' after 'helps me' and the plural noun 'studies'. Combine ideas with a conjunction and use 'organize my things' for clear object reference. Also remove filler words for clarity.

× I'm not really because, umm, in my, my when I was a child, I most of my time I played with my friends and I'm not really was tidying my as a childhood.

✓ Not really. When I was a child I spent most of my time playing with my friends, and I didn't really tidy my room.

Multiple tense and structure problems: 'I'm not really because' is inappropriate; use simple past 'spent' and past continuous/negative 'didn't really tidy'. 'As a childhood' is ungrammatical; use 'when I was a child'. Also reorder phrases for natural English.

× Uh, but my mom has had me to keep things tidy in my room.

✓ But my mom used to make me keep my room tidy.

The phrase 'has had me to' is incorrect. Use 'used to make me' or 'had me' without 'to' to indicate habitual past action. Also change 'things tidy in my room' to 'keep my room tidy' for natural phrasing.

× So I learned my mom to keep things steady.

✓ So I learned from my mom to keep things tidy.

Structure is wrong: 'learned my mom' incorrectly treats mom as object. Use 'learned from my mom'. 'Steady' is the wrong adjective here; use 'tidy'.

× In my room, there are my desk to study and I write a lot of things like and read a lot of things.

✓ In my room, there is my desk where I study; I write and read a lot there.

Use singular 'there is' for a single desk. Original has redundant and ungrammatical phrases ('write a lot of things like and read a lot of things'). Rephrase to 'I write and read a lot there' and add a relative clause 'where I study'.

× So I try to keep things very tidy, uh, to concent, concentrate on my study and focus on one thing.

✓ So I try to keep things very tidy to concentrate on my studies and focus on one thing.

Spelling error 'concent' and noun form 'study' should be plural 'studies' when referring to academic work in general. Keep 'to concentrate' infinitive form after 'try'.

× I guess definitely I, umm, from my perspective, I uh, believe that umm, it's very umm, Essen essential to uh, be tidy, tidy person.

✓ I definitely believe that, from my perspective, it is essential to be a tidy person.

Original contains repetitions and misordered adverbs. Remove fillers, place 'definitely' before main verb, and include article 'a' before 'tidy person'. Fix duplicated 'tidy' and misspelling 'Essen'.

× It can help your stay organize it and, uh, clear your mind from tightness uh.

✓ It can help you stay organized and clear your mind of stress.

'your stay organize it' is incorrect pronoun and verb forms; use 'you stay organized'. 'Clear your mind from tightness' is unnatural; use 'clear your mind of stress' or 'tension'. Also correct adjective 'organized'.