Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid unclear words (e.g., “paternity”, “mysterious”), reduce filler (uh, I guess), and use one or two supporting reasons with linking words. Keep answer to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I do. I prefer to keep my space tidy because it helps me stay organized and improves my productivity. For example, when my desk is clear, I can focus better on tasks at work and finish them more quickly.

提案: Be direct and avoid invented or unclear words like “mystical”. Use simple past to describe childhood habits, give a brief reason and one effect. Limit to 2–3 sentences and use linking words such as “because” or “so”.

例: Yes, I did. My parents made me tidy my room when I was a child, so I developed the habit of keeping things organized. As a result, I became more disciplined about my belongings.

提案: Use clear verbs and concrete methods. Describe one or two specific actions and use linking words (e.g., “first,” “then,” “for example”). Remove vague phrases like “shuttling” and avoid repetition. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I keep my workspace tidy by making a short to-do list and clearing unnecessary items from my desk before I start. For example, I put books on a shelf and only keep the current document and a notebook on the desk, which helps me focus on my tasks.

提案: Answer directly and give clear reasons with examples. Avoid vague phrases like “individuality of situations” and repetition. Use linking words such as “because” and “so” to connect ideas, and limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think it is necessary because being tidy reduces distractions and helps you concentrate. For instance, when my study area is organized, I complete assignments faster and make fewer mistakes.

× Yes I do because if the paternity of the situations.

✓ Yes, I do because I prefer order in many situations.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear ('if the paternity of the situations' makes no sense). This is a sentence structure and word choice problem. Use a clear subject and verb and logical phrase. Suggestion: express the reason simply: 'I prefer order in many situations.' Add a comma after 'Yes' and use parallel structure for clarity.

× I feel I'm one of these probably mysterious personalities who prefer keeping more space tidy because it helps me see you stay organized and improve my productivity.

✓ I feel I'm one of those probably private people who prefer to keep my space tidy because it helps me stay organized and improves my productivity.

Pronoun and word choice errors: 'these' should be 'those'; 'mysterious personalities' is awkward—'private people' fits better; 'keeping more space tidy' should be 'keep my space tidy'; 'helps me see you stay organized' mixes persons incorrectly. Maintain consistent first-person: 'helps me stay organized' and subject-verb agreement: 'improves my productivity.'

× For example, when my desk is included, I can concentrate better on the tasks, uh, I need to finish at work, which helps me a lot I guess.

✓ For example, when my desk is tidy, I can concentrate better on the tasks I need to finish at work, which helps me a lot.

'is included' is incorrect and unclear. Use an adjective 'tidy' to describe the desk. Remove unnecessary filler 'uh' and redundant phrasing 'I guess' for a concise statement. This fixes verb form usage and clarity.

× Well, as far as I remember myself when I was a kid, I was also kind of the mystical is because of my parents forcing me to keep my room tighted, uh, which as far as I grew up generally built, uh, into my personalities, a lot of the habits of keeping things organized and disciplined.

✓ Well, as far as I remember, when I was a kid I was also quite tidy because my parents forced me to keep my room neat, which, as I grew up, generally became part of my personality and built habits of keeping things organized and disciplined.

Multiple tense and word-form errors: 'remember myself' should be 'remember'; 'mystical is' is incorrect—intended 'tidy' or 'meticulous'; 'tighted' is wrong form—use 'neat'; 'built into my personalities' should be 'became part of my personality' (singular). Fix past tense consistency and noun forms.

× As far as I mentioned you before, I mainly prefer keeping things tidy by shuttling and making the list of actions to organizing a lot of the things I am surrounded by into the main aspects of my life, concentrating the most and helping me to gain a lot of the productivity before working and and completing a lot of the important projects.

✓ As I mentioned before, I keep things tidy by decluttering and making lists to organize the things around me into the main areas of my life, which helps me concentrate and be more productive when working on important projects.

Sentence is wordy and ungrammatical: 'As far as I mentioned you before' should be 'As I mentioned before'; 'shuttling' is incorrect—use 'decluttering'; 'making the list of actions to organizing' should be 'making lists to organize'; remove duplicate 'and and' and simplify 'gain a lot of the productivity' to 'be more productive.' This restructures the sentence for clarity and correct grammar.

× Yes, I do so because individuality of situations are keeping yourself tidy and as well as the things you are being surrounded by generally improve your productivity a lot, generally letting you to concentrate on your work and the way you have you can let the projects.

✓ Yes, I do, because keeping yourself and your surroundings tidy usually improves your productivity and allows you to concentrate on your work and complete projects more easily.

Awkward phrasing and incorrect structure: 'individuality of situations are keeping yourself tidy' is nonsensical. Use clear subject-verb structure: 'keeping yourself and your surroundings tidy usually improves your productivity.' Replace 'letting you to concentrate' with 'allows you to concentrate' and simplify the ending to 'complete projects more easily.'