Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and grammatically correct by using a clear topic sentence, correct tense, and concise supporting details. Use linking words (e.g., "after", "so", "because") and avoid redundant phrases. Be specific about activities you and your friends did (e.g., football, swings). Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. I often visited the local park as a child because after finishing my homework my friends and I would meet there to play football or use the swings. These activities kept us active and helped us make friends.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence stating you still like parks, then add specific reasons and an example. Remove fillers like "uh" and fix grammar (e.g., "helps me calm my mind"). Limit to 2–3 sentences and use linking words such as "because" and "so".

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because the greenery and quiet atmosphere help me relax after a stressful day. For example, I like to sit on a bench and read, which calms my mind and improves my mood.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and give two concise, specific reasons with a linking word. Correct grammar (e.g., "help reduce pollution" and "help people keep fit"). Optionally give a short example of how parks reduce pollution or encourage exercise.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they help reduce air pollution by providing more trees and green space, and they encourage people to exercise outdoors. For instance, a new park with walking paths would motivate residents to go jogging.

提案: Answer directly and correct tense and grammar. If you have no specific future park in mind, say so clearly and then explain why you prefer your local park using specific details (environment, facilities, memories). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like "because" and "so".

例: I haven't thought about visiting a different park in the future because I love the park in my city. Its peaceful environment and playgrounds attract me, and it holds many childhood memories, so I prefer to keep going there.

× Yes, I often visit parks in my child because in the evening after finishing my homework me and my friends meet together and play there a lot of things and also there are many activities foreign small children to perform which help to maintain a healthy body.

✓ Yes, I often visited parks in my childhood because in the evening after finishing my homework my friends and I would meet and play many games there, and there were also many activities for small children that helped them stay healthy.

Errors: incorrect tense and word choice ('visit' -> 'visited' because talking about the past), incorrect noun ('child' -> 'childhood'), wrong word order for subject ('me and my friends' -> 'my friends and I'), awkward phrase 'play there a lot of things' corrected to 'play many games there', incorrect preposition/word 'foreign' -> 'for', incorrect relative clause and verb form 'to perform which help' -> 'that helped them'. Suggestion: Use past tense when describing past habits, use standard subject order 'X and I', choose correct nouns ('childhood'), and simplify phrases (play many games).

× Yes, I love uh because parks are full of greenery and there is also a peaceful atmosphere where I can feel relaxed uh, from my stressed life and it also helps me to calms my mind in a difficult situation.

✓ Yes, I love them because parks are full of greenery and have a peaceful atmosphere where I can relax from my stressful life, and they also help calm my mind in difficult situations.

Errors: missing object ('love' needs object 'them' referring to parks), unnecessary filler 'uh', redundant 'there is also' simplified, incorrect verb form 'feel relaxed' -> 'relax' for active sense, adjective form 'stressed' -> 'stressful' to describe life, incorrect verb 'helps me to calms' -> 'help calm'. Suggestion: Include clear objects, remove fillers, match verb forms, and use correct adjectives. Use plural agreement for 'parks' and corresponding plural pronouns. Keep sentences concise.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it helps to reduce the pollution in my cities and also helps to people to keep fit in their life.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they help reduce pollution in cities and also help people stay fit.

Errors: subject-verb agreement/plurality ('it helps' -> 'they help' to match parks), redundant and incorrect plural/singular mix ('my cities' -> 'cities' or 'my city'), unnecessary 'to' after 'helps' and after 'help(s) to people to keep' simplified to 'help people stay fit'. Suggestion: Ensure agreement between subject and verb, avoid redundant possessives, and use infinitive forms correctly (help + verb base form).

× Well I never thought it about because I love the park which is situated in my city very much because it's environments attracts me towards it and there also also there have many my childhood memories.

✓ Well, I never thought about that because I love the park situated in my city very much; its environment attracts me, and it also holds many of my childhood memories.

Errors: incorrect word order 'thought it about' -> 'thought about that', tense/meaning ('never thought' may be present perfect but past simple acceptable), possessive and singular/plural errors ('it's environments attracts' -> 'its environment attracts'), extra duplication 'also also', incorrect structure 'there have many my childhood memories' -> 'it also holds many of my childhood memories'. Suggestion: Use correct prepositional phrase order, use possessive adjective 'its' (no apostrophe), match singular/plural for 'environment', remove duplicates, and express memories with 'hold/contain many of my childhood memories'.