Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify meaning and correct grammar; keep answer concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one supporting detail using linking words. Correct key errors: use "because she has diabetes," "the doctor said she should exercise for at least one hour in the evening," and "my mother always took me with her."

例: Yes. I often went to a park near our house with my mother because she has diabetes. The doctor told her to exercise for at least an hour every evening, so she would take me along when she walked.

提案: Make a clear topic sentence and avoid repetition. Use linking words to structure supporting details and correct grammar (e.g., "I still like going to parks because they are peaceful"). Be specific about what you enjoy and limit filler words and hesitations.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are peaceful and relaxing. For example, I like walking among the flower beds and meeting neighbours there, and the fresh air by the park’s lake always refreshes me.

提案: Give a direct answer and provide one or two clear, specific reasons using linking words. Fix grammar: "I would like to see more parks" and "lifestyle-related illnesses are increasing." Avoid vague phrases like "we need oxygen"—explain benefits (exercise, cleaner air, community).

例: Yes, I would like more parks in our city because lifestyle-related illnesses like diabetes are becoming more common. More green spaces would encourage people to exercise, improve air quality, and provide safe places for the community to meet.

提案: Give a clear, fluent response with correct country name and park details. Start with a direct statement and add a specific reason why you want to visit. Remove hesitations and correct phrasing: "In the future I want to visit the Keukenhof in the Netherlands, a famous tulip garden."

例: In the future I would like to visit the Keukenhof in the Netherlands, which is a famous tulip garden. I want to see the colorful flower displays and take photos to make lasting memories.

× Yes, I always went to a park near our house with my mother because of she is a diabetes person.

✓ Yes, I always went to the park near our house with my mother because she has diabetes.

Use of 'because of' before a clause is incorrect; 'because of' should be followed by a noun phrase. Also 'a diabetes person' is incorrect — use 'has diabetes' to describe a health condition. Use 'the park' if a specific park near the house is meant.

× Doctor said she should always working in the evening at least one hour so my mother always took me to with her.

✓ The doctor said she should always work in the evening for at least one hour, so my mother always took me with her.

After modal/auxiliary 'should' use the base form 'work', not 'working'. Use 'for at least one hour' to indicate duration. 'Took me to with her' is ungrammatical; correct is 'took me with her'. Also include article 'The doctor' for a specific doctor.

× I still like to going to park because park is a place which is very peaceful and very calm, where can connected other peoples in our areas and there are many, uh, sweet, uh, flowers and the beach was very refreshing, so I like.

✓ I still like going to the park because it is a very peaceful and calm place where people in our area can connect, there are many beautiful flowers, and the beach is very refreshing, so I enjoy it.

Use 'like going' (verb + -ing) rather than 'like to going'. Use 'the park' for a particular park and 'it is' instead of repeating 'park is'. 'Where can connected other peoples' has word order and form errors: use 'where people... can connect' and 'people' is plural without 's'. Use adjective 'beautiful' instead of 'sweet' for flowers. Maintain present tense consistently: 'the beach is' not 'was'.

× where can connected other peoples in our areas and there are many, uh, sweet, uh, flowers and the beach was very refreshing, so I like.

✓ where people in our area can connect, and there are many beautiful flowers, and the beach is very refreshing, so I like it.

'Peoples' is incorrect here; use 'people' for plural. 'Areas' should be singular 'area' if referring to the local area. Also ensure proper verb agreement: 'the beach is' rather than 'was' for present descriptions.

× Yes, I would like to uh, see more parts in our city because of umm, lifestyle related illnesses such as diabetes are increased day by day.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city because lifestyle-related illnesses such as diabetes are increasing day by day.

'Parts' is a typo for 'parks'. Use 'parks' plural. 'Because of' followed by clause is awkward; here 'because' is better. 'Lifestyle related' should be hyphenated as 'lifestyle-related' when used as a compound adjective. Use present continuous 'are increasing' to show ongoing trend.

× So people uh, should uh, working in our greenery place.

✓ So people should work in green spaces.

After 'should' use base verb 'work', not 'working'. 'Greenery place' is unnatural; use 'green spaces' or 'green areas'. Keep sentence concise.

× We need also oxygen, umm, in uh, green area and watch.

✓ We also need oxygen in green areas and places to relax/watch over the children.

Word order and preposition use: 'need also' should be 'also need'. 'Green area' plural 'green areas' is more natural. The original 'and watch' is unclear; clarify intended meaning (I suggested 'places to relax/watch over the children'); if the speaker meant 'to watch' specify object.

× Uh, in the future, I want to visit, uh, our Netherlands, a famous park, which is a Tulip garden.

✓ In the future, I want to visit the Netherlands to see a famous park, the Tulip Garden.

Do not use 'our Netherlands' unless speaker is from there. Use 'the Netherlands'. 'A famous park, which is a Tulip garden' is awkward; restructure as 'to see a famous park, the Tulip Garden.' Use simple future intention with 'want to visit'.

× Uh, it's a very huge park in the Netherland city.

✓ It's a very large park in a city in the Netherlands.

'Netherland' should be 'the Netherlands'. Use 'a city in the Netherlands' for clarity. 'Huge' is acceptable but 'large' is more natural; avoid 'very huge' (redundant).

× So I want one time only to visit that and, uh, get, uh, made some memories in this park, umm.

✓ So I want to visit it at least once and make some memories in that park.

'One time only to visit that' is awkward; use 'visit it at least once'. 'Get made some memories' mixes verb forms; use 'make some memories'. Keep verb forms parallel and concise.