Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatical, avoid hesitations and redundancy, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus brief supporting detail. Use past tense consistently and correct articles. Keep to 2–3 sentences and add a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child with my family. Because the park was quite far from our home, we usually only visited on weekends, which made those trips feel special.

提案: Avoid repetition and long run-on sentences. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one specific supporting reason using a linking word. Use plural forms and correct article usage.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For example, parks with facilities like bicycle and scooter rentals attract more visitors, especially on weekends.

提案: Be concise and avoid generalizations to the listener (e.g., 'as you grow older'). Give a clear opinion then explain briefly with a specific reason and a linking word. Correct comparative and article forms.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. However, because people are often busier as they get older, I would only use them when I have free time to visit with friends or family.

提案: Good specific example. Remove fillers and correct grammar (articles, tense, and plural forms). Combine into two concise sentences with a linking word and one vivid detail to support your choice.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Taman Botani Park in Kuala Lumpur because it is one of the largest parks I have seen. In addition, there are food stalls nearby, so we can rest and buy refreshments when we get tired.

× Yes, I love going to park as a child with my family during weekend because uh park is quite far away from my home so we only went to park when my parents have week.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park as a child with my family on weekends because the park was quite far from my home so we only went to the park when my parents had a week off.

Errors: missing articles before countable nouns (the park), incorrect tense consistency (use past tense 'loved' and 'was' for childhood), incorrect time expressions ('during weekend' -> 'on weekends'), and wrong phrase 'when my parents have week' -> 'when my parents had a week off'. Suggestion: Use 'the' with a specific place, use plural 'weekends' for habitual past actions, keep past tense consistent, and use the phrase 'a week off' for time off.

× Yes, I still love going to parks now especially when the parks provide facilities such as bicycle or scooter, it attracts more more citizens to come and enjoy the park especially during weekend.

✓ Yes, I still love going to parks now, especially when the parks provide facilities such as bicycles or scooters; they attract more citizens to come and enjoy the parks, especially on weekends.

Errors: singular/plural mismatch ('bicycle or scooter' should be plural when speaking generally), subject-verb agreement and run-on sentence ('it attracts' should match plural subject 'they'), repeated word 'more more', and time expression 'during weekend' -> 'on weekends'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns for general items, ensure verbs agree with their subjects, remove duplicate words, and use 'on weekends' for habitual events.

× Yes, I wish I could see more parks in my city, but as you grow older you become a lot more busier and you barely have time to go visit somewhere.

✓ Yes, I wish there were more parks in my city, but as you grow older you become a lot busier and you barely have time to visit anywhere.

Errors: 'I could see more parks' unnatural; use 'I wish there were' for unreal present. 'a lot more busier' is redundant ('more' and '-er'), and 'go visit somewhere' is unidiomatic; use 'visit anywhere'. Suggestion: Use correct subjunctive for wishes, avoid redundant comparative markers, and use natural collocations like 'visit anywhere'.

× So if I have leisure time, I would probably love to visit park with my friends and my family.

✓ So if I have leisure time, I would probably love to visit a park with my friends and my family.

Error: Missing article 'a' before singular countable noun 'park'. Suggestion: Use 'a park' when referring to any park in general.

× Sure, I would like to go to Taman Botani Park located in Kuala Lumpur because it is one of the largest park that I have seen.

✓ Sure, I would like to go to Taman Botani Park in Kuala Lumpur because it is one of the largest parks that I have seen.

Errors: 'largest park' should be plural 'largest parks' when using 'one of the', and 'located in' is wordy—'in' is sufficient. Suggestion: Use 'one of the largest parks' and concise preposition usage.

× Other than that, uh, there are stalls near the park so that when we get tired we can get food and drinks.

✓ Other than that, there are stalls near the park, so when we get tired we can get food and drinks.

Error: Minor disfluency 'uh' removed and missing comma for clarity; preposition use is correct. Suggestion: Remove filler words for written responses and add a comma before 'so' to separate clauses.