Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and article use, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid redundancy and keep it within 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because I grew up near the Summer Palace in Beijing. I visited it about twice a week, which gave me lots of happy memories of boating and picnics. Because it was so close, I often met neighbors there and learned to ride a bike on the park paths.

提案: Correct grammar and word choice, and avoid confusing or invented names and pronouns. Use linking words to organize details and be specific about features. Keep sentences concise and accurate.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. My favorite is Shakespeare Park, about 20 kilometres from my home, because it has open meadows where sheep graze and a clear view of the Auckland skyline. In addition, it has a small sandy beach, which makes it a great place to relax on weekends.

提案: Be direct and relevant: answer the question, give one or two specific examples, and explain why using linking words. Correct unnatural phrases and avoid irrelevant details (e.g., unrelated car anecdote) unless linked to the main point.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because green spaces improve quality of life. For example, a riverside park and a large regional park with walking trails would be great additions. These parks would provide places for families to exercise and for people to enjoy local historic buildings.

提案: This answer is fairly clear; improve by combining sentences and adding a brief reason why you want to visit, using linking words and precise vocabulary. Avoid small grammar slips (e.g., 'have read' → 'have wanted to visit' or 'have read about since childhood').

例: Yes, I would love to visit West Lake Park in Hanoi because I have wanted to see it since I was a child. It is famous for its mix of French colonial and traditional Vietnamese architecture, and I think the lakeside views and historic temples would be unforgettable.

× Yes, I love going to park as a child, doing my childhood in Beijing.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park as a child; I spent my childhood in Beijing.

The definite article 'the' is required before 'park' when referring to parks in general context here; also verb tense should be past ('loved') to match 'as a child', and phrase 'doing my childhood' is incorrect and replaced with 'spent my childhood'. Use of past tense and correct idiomatic phrasing improves clarity. Suggestion: Use 'the park' and past tense 'loved' and say 'spent my childhood'.

× I live near the Summer Palace.

✓ I lived near the Summer Palace.

Context is about childhood, so the verb should be in the past tense. The pronoun is fine but tense must match the timeframe. Suggestion: Match tense to timeframe described (use past when describing childhood).

× I would be extremely uncomfortable if I don't get a chance to go there twice a week.

✓ I would have been extremely uncomfortable if I hadn't had a chance to go there twice a week.

The original mixes conditional structures incorrectly: 'would' requires a past perfect in the if-clause for a counterfactual past. 'Don't get' is present; to express past hypothetical, use 'hadn't had'. Suggestion: Use correct conditional form: 'would have been' + 'if I hadn't had'. Alternatively, for habitual past: 'I was uncomfortable if I didn't get a chance...'.

× Yeah, I still love to go into the park.

✓ Yes, I still love going to the park.

Both forms are possible, but 'love going to the park' is more natural for habitual current preference. Also use 'the park' when referring to a specific place previously mentioned. Suggestion: Use 'love going to the park' for natural present habitual expression.

× Now my current favorite park is the Shakespeare Original Park, which is 20 kilometers away from my home.

✓ My current favorite park is Shakespeare Original Park, which is 20 kilometers from my home.

Redundant 'Now my current' — choose one. 'the' is unnecessary before a proper park name. 'Away from' is acceptable but 'from' is more concise. Suggestion: Remove redundancy and article before proper names.

× He offers an Italic landscape where the sheeps and cows are grazing, as well as a spectacular view of the Auckland CBD.

✓ It offers a picturesque landscape where the sheep and cows graze, as well as a spectacular view of the Auckland CBD.

Parks are referred to as 'it', not 'he'. 'Italic' is incorrect adjective; likely 'picturesque' or 'idyllic'. 'Sheep' is an uncountable plural (not 'sheeps'). Use simple present 'graze' for habitual scene. Suggestion: Use 'it', correct adjective, and correct plural 'sheep' and verb form.

× Furthermore, there are also sandy beaches as well.

✓ Furthermore, there are also sandy beaches.

'Also' and 'as well' are redundant when used together. Remove one. Suggestion: Use either 'also' or 'as well', not both.

× Yes, I will be more than happy to see more parks in my city.

✓ Yes, I would be more than happy to see more parks in my city.

The modal 'would' expresses willingness or politeness here better than 'will' when responding to a hypothetical request. Both are grammatically possible, but 'would be more than happy' is more natural. Suggestion: Use 'would' for polite hypothetical statements.

× I'd like to see the Dude original park as well as the Window home Regional Park.

✓ I'd like to see Dude Original Park as well as Window Home Regional Park.

Definite article 'the' is unnecessary before full proper names. Capitalization and word order adjusted: proper names typically capitalize each word and omit 'the' unless part of the official name. Suggestion: Use correct proper noun formatting and omit 'the' unless officially required.

× When I got my new car I was enjoying contemplating the bushes as well as historic architecture.

✓ When I got my new car, I enjoyed contemplating the bushes and the historic architecture.

'Was enjoying contemplating' is awkward; use simple past 'enjoyed' to match 'When I got'. Also 'as well as' is fine but 'and' is simpler. Add 'the' before 'historic architecture' for specificity. Suggestion: Use simple past and simplify conjunctions.

× I have read about the Hanoi Westlake Park since I was a kid.

✓ I have read about Hanoi Westlake Park since I was a kid.

No article needed before the proper name. Using present perfect 'have read' with 'since I was a kid' is acceptable to indicate ongoing knowledge; however 'have known about' may be more natural. Suggestion: Consider 'I have known about Hanoi Westlake Park since I was a kid.'

× It's located in the capital city of Vietnam.

✓ It is located in the capital city of Vietnam.

This sentence is acceptable; only contraction expanded for formality. No major grammatical error. (Note: kept as is.)

× I'm sure that the combination of French and Vietnamese architecture around the park will take my breath away once I go there.

✓ I'm sure that the combination of French and Vietnamese architecture around the park will take my breath away when I go there.

Original sentence is grammatically correct; 'once' is acceptable but 'when' is slightly more natural here. Tense 'will take' fits future expectation. Suggestion: Either 'once' or 'when' works; 'when' sounds more conversational.