Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more coherent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear phrases and irrelevant sentences. Use linking words like “because” or “for example” to make the answer logical.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were places where I could play and explore. For example, my favorite was the Summer Palace near my home, where I used to feed ducks and climb the old trees.

提案: Clarify meaning and avoid grammatical errors and vague phrases. Give a clear topic sentence, then add specific details (what you like about the park) using linking words such as “because” or “for example.” Do not use unrelated or confusing terms.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks because they help me relax. For example, Shakespeare Regional Park is my favorite now because it has peaceful walking trails, flower beds, and great views of the city.

提案: Answer directly and give reasons. Use one clear sentence to say whether you want more parks, then add a specific reason or example. Avoid incomplete names and fragmented sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide recreation spaces. For instance, I would be interested in visiting new regional parks like Winterhome Regional Park for its hiking paths and picnic areas.

提案: Be precise and correct grammar. Start with a clear statement of intent, then give specific reasons. Check place names and avoid unclear words. Use linking words such as “because” and “for example.”

例: Yes, I plan to visit Hoan Kiem Lake in the center of Hanoi next year because it combines Vietnamese and French colonial architecture. For example, I want to see the historic bridges and lakeside temples that I have read about.

× There's not even a single wake goes by.

✓ Not a single week went by without visiting.

Original mixes words ('wake' vs 'week') and incorrect structure. The intended meaning is past habitual action; use past tense 'went by' and correct noun 'week', and express 'without visiting' to complete the idea.

× Well, I'm not going to a park at all.

✓ Well, I didn't go to parks at all.

The response refers to childhood habits in the past, so present continuous 'I'm not going' is inappropriate. Use past simple 'didn't go' to match time frame.

× Now my current favorite park is the Shakespeare Regional Park.

✓ Now my current favorite park is Shakespeare Regional Park.

When a proper name of a park includes a title like 'Shakespeare Regional Park', the definite article 'the' is usually omitted. Removing 'the' makes the name correct and natural.

× He offered an idyllic landscape where the shapes and causal grading and their spectacular view of the Auckland DVD as well.

✓ It offers an idyllic landscape with varied terrain and spectacular views of the Auckland CBD.

Original has wrong pronoun 'He' for a park, incorrect nouns ('shapes and causal grading'), and 'Auckland DVD' is likely a mis-typing of 'Auckland CBD' (central business district). Use 'It offers' for a park, 'varied terrain' or 'varied landscape' for clarity, and 'views of the Auckland CBD' to convey intended meaning.

× I would absolutely be happy if I see more parks in my city.

✓ I would absolutely be happy if I saw more parks in my city.

In a hypothetical conditional sentence using 'would', the if-clause should use the past subjunctive 'saw' rather than present 'see'.

× I would like to go to the ***** Regional Park as well as the. Winterhome Regional Park if I get a chance.

✓ I would like to go to the ***** Regional Park as well as Winterhome Regional Park if I get a chance.

There is an extraneous period before 'Winterhome' and unnecessary article 'the' before the park name. Removing the period and 'the' corrects sentence structure.

× I would love to go to the Huang Kim Lake Park and the center of Hanoi 30, which is the capital of Vietnam, next year, because it has a unique combination of Vietnamese and French architecture.

✓ I would love to go to Hoan Kiem Lake and the center of Hanoi, which is the capital of Vietnam, next year because it has a unique combination of Vietnamese and French architecture.

Original has incorrect place names ('Huang Kim Lake' and 'Hanoi 30'). Correct proper names to 'Hoan Kiem Lake' and 'the center of Hanoi'. Remove the extra comma before 'next year' for smoother flow.

× I'm sure that the thinner will take my breath away.

✓ I'm sure that the scenery will take my breath away.

'Thinner' is incorrect and likely a typo for 'scenery'. Replace with 'scenery' to convey intended meaning; 'will take my breath away' is appropriate future expectation.