Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., "Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.") then add one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitation (uh, umm) and avoid repeating words. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My friends and I often had picnics and played volleyball in the large neighborhood parks, which were perfect for spending relaxed afternoons together.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one specific reason with a linking word. Avoid filler sounds and be more precise about why malls/restaurants are preferable (e.g., convenience, comfort, weather). Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Not really. I used to go to parks a lot, but now I prefer shopping malls and restaurants because they are more convenient and comfortable, especially when the weather is bad.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then one clear reason with a specific detail. Reduce repetition and hesitations. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas and be concise. Mention a concrete benefit of more parks (e.g., clean air, recreation, mental health).

例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve air quality and provide peaceful places to relax, because I have fond childhood memories of spending time outdoors and it always lifted my mood.

提案: Answer directly and clearly: say whether there is a specific park or not. Explain the allergy issue concisely and logically using linking words (e.g., "however", "because"), and correct grammar ("affects me", "my allergies"). Avoid unfinished sentences.

例: I don't have a specific park in mind. In fact, I avoid park visits now because my allergies have worsened and pollen affects me badly, so I prefer indoor places instead.

× Oh, of course, me and my friends are always going to parks and, uh, had a picnic there or played, umm, volleyball there.

✓ Oh, of course, my friends and I always went to parks and had picnics there or played volleyball there.

Use subject pronoun 'my friends and I' instead of 'me and my friends'. Also align verb tense: the question asks about childhood (past), so use past tense 'went' and 'had' for consistent narration. Avoid unnecessary filler words.

× Uh, in my neighborhood there was, there was a, a lots of parks that we can go and play and spend good time together.

✓ In my neighborhood there were a lot of parks where we could go and play and spend good time together.

Use 'a lot of' rather than 'a lots of'. For plural 'parks' use 'were' (plural) not 'was'. Use 'where' to refer to places and 'could' for past ability. Maintain consistent past tense.

× Not too much. In the past I used to go a lot, but now I prefer to go shopping malls and, uh, maybe restaurants with my friends because for me this is more, uh, suitable.

✓ Not too much. In the past I used to go a lot, but now I prefer going to shopping malls and maybe restaurants with my friends because those suit me better.

Use the gerund 'going to' after 'prefer' when comparing activities. 'Go shopping malls' is incorrect; use 'going to shopping malls'. Use 'those suit me better' or 'because that is more suitable for me' for clearer expression.

× That would be great uh parks means green areas for me.

✓ That would be great; parks mean green areas to me.

No article needed before 'parks' in general statements. Use plural verb 'mean' with plural subject 'parks'. Rephrase 'for me' to 'to me' for natural expression.

× Uh that's why uh, if I can uh see more parks, I would feel better because uh parks have a a good uh part in my heart because when I was a child, I re really spent a lot of time there.

✓ That's why if I could see more parks, I would feel better, because parks hold a special place in my heart; when I was a child, I really spent a lot of time there.

Use conditional 'could' for hypothetical situations. Replace awkward phrase 'have a good part in my heart' with 'hold a special place in my heart'. Correct 'I re really' to 'I really'. Use past tense 'spent' for childhood.

× Not a specific place, uh, in the past, my allergy, uh, not that bad, but now, uh, green places, spaces, uh, hits me too much and uh, it's affect me badly.

✓ Not a specific place. In the past my allergies were not that bad, but now green places affect me badly and trigger my allergies a lot.

Use plural 'allergies' if referring generally and plural verb 'were' for past. 'Green places, spaces, hits me' is incorrect: subject-verb agreement requires 'they hit me' or rephrase to 'green places affect me'. Use 'affect' rather than 'it's affect'. Clarify meaning and keep consistent subject-verb agreement.

× Uh, now I in the past, I would like to.

✓ I used to like them in the past, but now I don't.

Original sentence is fragmented and confusing. Clarify: say 'I used to like them in the past' for past habit and contrast with present 'but now I don't'. Ensure complete sentence with subject and verb and coherent meaning.