Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words like "uh," and combine similar ideas with linking words. Mention one or two specific memories or details to make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played team sports like cricket and football with my friends, and sometimes I practised solo activities such as running or skipping. Those afternoons were my favourite because we would play until sunset and then share snacks together.

提案: Respond directly and naturally with a clear reason. Avoid repeating childhood details and correct awkward phrasing (e.g., "anoint myself" is wrong). Use linking words (because, so) and give a brief example of when you might visit a park now.

例: Not really — I used to, but now I rarely visit parks because I am busy with work. However, if I have time on weekends, I will go for a short walk in a nearby park to relax and clear my mind after a hectic week.

提案: Be more concise and use correct vocabulary. Explain one or two clear reasons why more parks are needed, and avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g., "anoint" and repeated words). Use linking words like "because" and "for example."

例: Yes, I would. My city needs more parks because many people work long hours and have few places to relax. For example, more parks would provide safe spaces for exercise and family outings, and ideally they should be free and well maintained.

提案: Keep the answer focused and add a specific example of the kind of park or activity you'd do there. Use linking words (because, so) and avoid repeating similar phrases. Mentioning a real park or a concrete activity will make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a large, peaceful park with walking trails and benches because I enjoy solitude. For instance, I would spend an afternoon walking the trails, reading on a bench and simply relaxing without interruptions.

× Yes, I used to go to the parks when I was a child to play my favorite sports and spend my leisure time there.

✓ Yes, I used to go to parks when I was a child to play my favorite sports and spend my leisure time there.

The definite article 'the' before 'parks' is unnecessary when speaking generally about parks. Use no article for plural countable nouns in general statements (zero article). Suggestion: remove 'the' before 'parks'.

× Uh, we used to play team sports like cricket, football and other individual ones and spend our free time there.

✓ We used to play team sports like cricket and football, and also individual sports, and spend our free time there.

The original sentence has awkward coordination and unclear phrase 'other individual ones'. Reorder and repeat nouns for clarity and use 'also' to connect ideas. This fixes sentence structure and clarity (conjunction and parallelism).

× Not actually.

✓ Not really.

'Not actually' is unnatural in this context; while not strictly a grammar error from the provided list, 'actually' collocated with 'not' sounds odd. 'Not really' is the natural short negative response. This fits conversational usage improvement.

× But as I have grown up, I don't have enough time to visit park.

✓ But as I have grown up, I don't have enough time to visit parks.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' or preceded by an article ('the park' or 'a park'). Here the speaker means parks in general, so use the plural. This fixes article/number use.

× If I have the time to go there, I would go and enjoy my time there and try to anoint myself after a hectic week.

✓ If I have the time to go there, I will go and enjoy my time there and try to unwind myself after a hectic week.

The conditional uses 'will' in a real future condition (first conditional) not 'would'. Also 'anoint myself' is incorrect word choice; 'unwind' fits context meaning to relax. Fixes modal verb choice and vocabulary.

× Yes, definitely I would like to have more parks in my city because there is a scarcity of parks so after spending a hectic week in their offices and places, people don't have enough places to visit and try to anoint themselves.

✓ Yes, definitely I would like to have more parks in my city because there is a scarcity of parks, so after spending a hectic week in their offices and workplaces, people don't have enough places to visit and try to unwind themselves.

Use 'workplaces' instead of 'places' for clarity and 'unwind' instead of 'anoint'. Also add a comma before 'so' to join clauses. This addresses incorrect word choice and preposition/phrase clarity.

× So I believe there should be more park and some some there should be more parking.

✓ So I believe there should be more parks, and there should also be more parking.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' when speaking generally. Remove duplicate 'some' and rephrase for clarity. This fixes article/number and repetition.

× They should be free.

✓ They should be free to enter.

'They should be free' is vague; adding 'to enter' clarifies meaning that parks should have free admission. This improves clarity; not strictly grammatical but corrects omitted complement.

× Yes, in the future I would like to visit a place that is spacious, well equipped, peaceful and not crowded.

✓ Yes, in the future I would like to visit a place that is spacious, well-equipped, peaceful, and not crowded.

Add hyphen in 'well-equipped' when used as a compound adjective before a noun and add Oxford comma for clarity. This fixes punctuation related to adjective composition.

× I like it because I enjoy being alone, I can spend most of my leisure time there without any disturbance and I can unwind myself very easily.

✓ I like it because I enjoy being alone; I can spend most of my leisure time there without any disturbance, and I can unwind very easily.

'Unwind myself' is acceptable but 'unwind' without the reflexive pronoun is more natural. Also improve sentence punctuation by joining independent clauses correctly. This corrects reflexive pronoun use and sentence structure.