Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변은 자연스럽고 개인적인 경험을 잘 담고 있으나 몇 가지 개선점이 있습니다. 첫째, 문장 수를 3~4문장으로 유지하는 것은 좋으나, 일부 문장은 시제와 관사 사용에서 더 정확해질 필요가 있습니다(예: "many great times of playing dodgeball" → "many great times playing dodgeball"). 둘째, 연결어를 약간 넣어 문장 간 흐름을 더 매끄럽게 하면 더 효과적입니다(예: "For example" 혹은 "In particular"). 마지막으로 주제문을 더 명확히 한 뒤 간단한 결론 문장을 추가하면 응답 구조가 더 견고해집니다.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. There was a large park near my home where I often played with my family and friends; for example, my dad taught me how to ride a bike there. In particular, I remember having many great times playing dodgeball with neighborhood kids.

提案: 내용은 분명하고 관련성이 있지만 반복("lying on the grass" 두 번)과 불필요한 단어가 있어 간결성이 떨어집니다. 또한 연결어(예: "however", "so")를 사용해 대비와 이유를 더 명확히 제시하면 좋습니다. 좀 더 구체적인 빈도나 최근의 예를 추가하면 신뢰도가 올라갑니다.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, although I don't visit them as often as I used to. However, whenever I'm stressed, I like to lie on the grass in a park and relax because it helps me clear my mind. For instance, last weekend I sat in a nearby park for an hour after a long day at work.

提案: 답변은 명확한 의견과 이유(도시가 더 푸르러워지고 사람들이 야외를 즐길 장소 제공)를 포함하고 있어 좋습니다. 다만 'provide more place' 같은 표현에서 관사와 단수/복수 일치에 주의하세요(→ "provide more places" 또는 "provide more space"). 한 문장에 구체적인 예(어떤 활동이 가능한지)를 덧붙이면 더 설득력 있습니다.

例: Yes, definitely. I believe more parks would make the city greener and provide more spaces for children and pet owners to enjoy outdoor activities. For example, new parks could include playgrounds and walking paths where families can spend weekends together.

提案: 대체로 답변은 개인적 동기와 연결되어 흥미롭지만, 세부 정보에 혼동이 있습니다(‘Friends’의 카페는 실제로는 카페 이름이 아니고, Central Perk라는 카페 이름이 'Central Park'와 혼동됨). 정확한 사실을 사용하거나 사실을 모를 때는 'I think' 같은 표현으로 불확실성을 표시하세요. 또한 응답을 2-3문장으로 간결하게 정리하고 마지막에 간단한 이유를 추가하면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York someday. The park feels familiar to me because of TV shows I watched growing up—for instance, Friends mentions a cafe called 'Central Perk', which reminds me of Central Park. I'd like to see the park's famous paths and open spaces in person.

× I also have many great times of playing dodgeball.

✓ I also have many great times playing dodgeball.

The phrase 'times of playing' is unidiomatic; 'times playing' is the correct noun phrase combining 'times' (plural) with the gerund 'playing'. Remove the preposition 'of' to make it natural. Suggestion: say 'many great times playing dodgeball' or 'many great memories of playing dodgeball.'

× Whenever I have a stressful day, I sometimes think about lying on the grass and lying on the grass in a park and doing nothing for a while.

✓ Whenever I have a stressful day, I sometimes think about lying on the grass in a park and doing nothing for a while.

The sentence repeats 'lying on the grass' unnecessarily. Use a single gerund phrase 'lying on the grass in a park' to avoid redundancy. Also the gerund 'lying' correctly follows 'think about.' Keep punctuation and word order concise.

× I think more parks would make the city greener and provide more place for children and people with pets to enjoy the outdoors.

✓ I think more parks would make the city greener and provide more places for children and people with pets to enjoy the outdoors.

'Place' should be plural 'places' to match 'more' and the plural subject 'children and people with pets.' Use plural to indicate multiple areas available; this is a singular/plural agreement issue.

× One of my favorite TV shows is Friends and there's a famous cafe in the show called Central Park.

✓ One of my favorite TV shows is Friends, and there's a famous cafe in the show, but it's not actually Central Park.

Original sentence implies the cafe is called Central Park, causing confusion. Better structure: separate ideas with commas and clarify the factual error: Central Park is not a cafe. This fixes ambiguity and improves coherence. (If intent was that the cafe has a name similar to Central Park, rephrase accordingly.)