Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "I lived"). Also watch tense consistency (use past tense for childhood).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I lived near the Summer Palace in Beijing, so I often went there after school to play and explore the gardens.

提案: Use clearer sentence structure and correct prepositions/articles. Reduce redundancy and use linking words to connect ideas. Give precise frequency and locations in a fluent way.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. For example, I visit Shakespeare Park and One Tree Hill in Auckland at least three times a week because I like walking and relaxing outdoors.

提案: Make your reply direct and grammatically accurate. Avoid awkward phrasing ("more parks than my city"). Explain reasons briefly with linking words (e.g., "because", "so").

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in Auckland because some green spaces are far from where people live. If I had more free time and a car, I would explore the more remote parks.

提案: Clarify the name and use correct verb tenses. Avoid fragmented sentences and be specific about why you want to visit, using linking words (e.g., "because", "since").

例: Yes. For example, I would love to visit Hoan Kiem Lake Park in Hanoi because I read about its scenery in travel books as a child, and I have always wanted to see its historic bridges and peaceful lakeside.

× I love to go there after school.

✓ I loved going there after school.

The student is describing a past habit as a child. Use past tense 'loved' to match the time frame; 'loved going' is more natural for habitual past actions.

× Yes, I still love to go to the park as of now.

✓ Yes, I still love going to the park now.

The phrase 'as of now' is unnecessary and awkward in this context. Present habitual action is best expressed with 'still love going' or 'still like going' and 'now' suffices. Also use the gerund 'going' after 'love' for natural phrasing.

× For example, I still go to the Shakespeare Park and the One Tree Hill Park and North and Central of Auckland respectively.

✓ For example, I still go to Shakespeare Park and One Tree Hill Park in the north and central areas of Auckland, respectively.

Place names do not need 'the' unless part of the official name. Use 'in the north and central areas of Auckland' for clear location. 'Respectively' follows parallel mentions and punctuation is adjusted. Also 'North and Central' need lowercasing when used as general areas.

× I go to these two places three times a week for minimum.

✓ I go to these two places at least three times a week.

Use 'at least' instead of 'for minimum' to express a minimum frequency. Also place 'three times a week' after 'at least' for correct word order.

× Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks than my city, Auckland, which is my current city.

✓ Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks in my city, Auckland, which is my current city.

'More parks than my city' is ungrammatical and suggests comparison. The intended meaning is 'in my city'. Change 'than' to 'in' to correct the structure.

× I would like to go to more parks if I have time and once I get the new car because some of the parks are very remote.

✓ I would like to go to more parks if I have time and once I get a new car, because some parks are very remote.

Use 'a new car' instead of 'the new car' unless a specific car is already known. Drop 'the' before 'parks' in general statements. Comma before 'because' clarifies the sentence.

× Yes, for example, the one came Lake Park and Hanoi.

✓ Yes, for example, Lake Park in Hanoi.

Original phrase 'the one came Lake Park and Hanoi' is ungrammatical. Likely meaning is 'Lake Park in Hanoi.' Use concise noun phrase 'Lake Park in Hanoi.'

× It's one of the park that I'd really like to go to in the future.

✓ It's one of the parks that I'd really like to visit in the future.

Use plural 'parks' after 'one of' and 'visit' is more natural than 'go to' in this structure. Also include 'that' with plural antecedent.

× I have been reading it on the travel books while I was a kid.

✓ I read about it in travel books when I was a kid.

Use simple past 'read' for a past habitual action completed in childhood, and 'in travel books' is the correct preposition. 'Have been reading' and 'while I was a kid' conflict in time reference; choose simple past 'read' and 'when I was a kid.' Also 'about it' is the correct object.

× The beautiful place that took my breath away.

✓ It is a beautiful place that took my breath away.

Original fragment lacks a main clause/subject. Add 'It is' to form a complete sentence describing the place.