Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitation and redundant phrases, correct minor grammar errors, and finish sentences fully. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played tag and climbed trees with my classmates every weekend, which created many happy memories. As a result, parks became my favorite place to relax and have fun.

提案: Eliminate repetition and fillers, correct collocations (e.g., 'go to a park' not 'go into park'), and use one linking word to connect ideas. Provide a specific example of what you do there to enrich the answer.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. After a long day, I often take a 30-minute stroll along the lake there to clear my mind and breathe fresh air. This routine helps me relax and forget daily stress.

提案: Avoid awkward phrasing and repetition; use precise language and a clear structure: state your opinion, give a reason, and one brief specific example or suggestion. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide recreational space. For example, if there were a small park near my home, I could walk there daily for exercise and relaxation.

提案: Fix grammar and clarity: use correct tense and concise descriptions. Remove fillers and vague phrases; be specific about the park and why you want to visit using linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

例: Yes, I want to visit a new park that opened this year in Hong Kong because it features life-sized bird sculptures and a large fountain. For example, I am especially excited to see the sculpture garden and the small wildlife exhibit there.

× I had so many great memories a about uh, parks when I was a child.

✓ I had so many great memories about parks when I was a child.

The extra indefinite article 'a' before 'about' is unnecessary and ungrammatical. Remove the article to make the phrase 'memories about parks'. Also remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× I used to play with my peers or classmates in parks all the time and it's such a great place to relax and.

✓ I used to play with my peers or classmates in parks all the time, and it was such a great place to relax.

The original ends with an incomplete clause 'and.' Also there is tense inconsistency: talking about childhood should use past tense 'was' not present 'is'. Combine clauses with a comma and finish the sentence with 'it was such a great place to relax.'

× Yes, I still love to go into park, love to go to love to go to a park.

✓ Yes, I still love to go to a park.

Use the article 'a' before singular countable noun 'park' and the correct preposition is 'to' rather than 'into' in this context. The original also contains repetition; simplify to a single clear phrase.

× Nowadays, umm, after a long day, I would love to go to a park to take a stroll and, uh, breathe some fresh air.

✓ Nowadays, after a long day, I would love to go to a park to take a stroll and breathe some fresh air.

This sentence is grammatically correct aside from filler words 'umm' and 'uh'. Remove fillers for clarity. Prepositions and verb forms are fine.

× It's a place where I can escape the reality and relax.

✓ It's a place where I can escape reality and relax.

'Reality' does not need the definite article 'the' in this general sense. Removing 'the' makes the phrase natural. Verb forms are correct.

× There are already several famous parks in my city, but it's never too much too many of them.

✓ There are already several famous parks in my city, but there can never be too many of them.

The phrase 'never too much too many of them' is incorrect. Use 'too many' for countable nouns and the construction 'there can never be too many' to express abundance. Also match subject and structure.

× I can't get enough of parks, so the better, the more the better and I would like to have one more near my home so I can go there easily.

✓ I can't get enough of parks, so the more the better, and I would like to have one more near my home so I can go there easily.

The phrase 'the better, the more the better' is redundant and ungrammatical. Use the fixed expression 'the more the better'. Also add a comma before 'and' to join the clauses properly.

× Uh, yes, there are actually a new park was established in this year and in Hong Kong and, uh, it's capture some real realistic birds in size and I would love to visit the park for its beautiful fountain and a variety of animals inside.

✓ Yes, actually a new park was established this year in Hong Kong, and it features realistically sized bird models. I would love to visit the park for its beautiful fountain and the variety of animals inside.

Multiple issues: use past passive 'a new park was established this year' (remove 'in' before 'this year'), and avoid 'there are' plus past passive together. 'It's capture some real realistic birds in size' is ungrammatical; use 'it features realistically sized bird models' or 'realistic, life-sized bird models.' Also remove filler 'uh' and clarify 'a variety of animals' should be 'the variety of animals' or 'a variety of animals'—here 'the variety' fits the specific park.