Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitation and correct basic grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repeating filler words (umm, uh). Fix tense and count expressions (e.g., "there were many parks" not "there are more many").

例: Yes. I loved going to parks as a child because there were many green areas near my house. For example, I used to play football with my friends in the biggest park every weekend, which made my childhood very active and fun.

提案: Be concise and correct word order. Use a clear topic sentence, then link reasons with a cohesive connector (e.g., "because" or "so"). Remove fillers and refine vocabulary ("a beautiful green boulevard" not "one of the most beautiful, uh, green Blvd."). Include a specific activity and effect to support the statement.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. There is a beautiful green boulevard near my house, so I often go walking there in my free time because it helps me relax and stay healthy.

提案: Give a direct answer and provide two clear reasons with linking words (e.g., "because" then "also"). Avoid vague phrases like "good for city"; be specific (environment, health, tourism). Reduce hesitation and improve collocation ("attracts international tourists").

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because green spaces improve air quality and residents' wellbeing. Also, more attractive parks could attract international tourists and boost local businesses.

提案: Answer directly naming the park, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Fix grammar ("I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it is a famous park with many recreational areas"). Finish your sentence and avoid trailing off.

例: I would like to visit Central Park in New York in the future because it is a world-famous park with many recreational areas, such as boating on the lake and open spaces for concerts.

× Umm, I, I like to going to parks, uh, uh, when I was a child, umm, because there are more many parks and green areas around my, uh, house.

✓ Umm, I, I liked going to parks when I was a child because there were many parks and green areas around my house.

The phrase 'like to going' mixes the infinitive 'to' with a gerund '-ing'. Use either 'like to go' or 'liked going'. Also tense should be past ('liked' and 'were') to match 'when I was a child'. 'More many' is ungrammatical; use 'many' alone. Use 'there were' (there be issue in past). Improve by choosing correct verb form and removing redundant words. Suggestions: use 'liked going' or 'liked to go', use 'there were many parks', and remove filler words.

× So, umm, yeah, it's uh, was great for me.

✓ So, umm, yeah, it was great for me.

The student combined 'it's' (it is) and 'was' causing a tense and auxiliary error. Use a single past-tense verb 'it was' to match the previous past context. Remove extra contraction to make the sentence grammatical.

× Uh, I still like, uh, going to parks now, uh, because, uh, I live in the city where, uh, is there one of the most beautiful, uh, green Blvd. near my house.

✓ Uh, I still like going to parks now because I live in a city that has one of the most beautiful green boulevards near my house.

Incorrect word order 'where, uh, is there' and misuse of 'there' with 'where' create a 'there be' and clause structure issue. Use 'a city that has' or 'where there is' and correct noun form 'boulevard'. Remove unnecessary fillers. Ensure subject and verb order is correct: 'a city that has one of the most beautiful...'. Suggestion: use 'a city that has' or 'a city where there is'.

× And when I have, uh, free time, I always try to go for walking because it's very beneficial for my health.

✓ And when I have free time, I always try to go for a walk because it's very beneficial for my health.

'Go for walking' is incorrect collocation. Use 'go for a walk' or 'go walking'. The noun phrase 'a walk' fits with 'go for'. Also remove filler commas. Suggestion: use 'go for a walk' or 'go walking'.

× Honestly, I umm, would like uh, to see more parks in my city because when uh umm uh city uh, has a wide range of green areas, it's uh, very umm, uh, good for city because uh, it uh, attracts more tourists from foreign countries.

✓ Honestly, I would like to see more parks in my city because when a city has a wide range of green areas, it's very good for the city and it attracts more tourists from other countries.

Excess fillers aside, the main errors are article use and wording. 'for city' lacks the definite article; use 'for the city'. 'From foreign countries' is better phrased 'from other countries'. Modal 'would like to' is fine. Also 'when city has' needs an article: 'when a city has'. Suggestions: remove fillers, add articles 'a' and 'the', and use 'other countries'.

× I guess there is a park, so when when we are want to go in the future, I can say the Central Park in New York because it's very famous park in the world.

✓ I guess there is a park, so when we want to go in the future, I would say Central Park in New York because it's a very famous park in the world.

Problems: 'are want to' is incorrect verb construction; use 'want' without 'are'. Tense/modal choice: use 'would say' for hypothetical future preference. Article errors: 'the Central Park' should be 'Central Park' (no 'the' before proper names of parks in general) and 'very famous park' needs 'a'. Also 'in the world' is okay. Suggestions: use correct verb forms ('when we want'), choose appropriate modal ('would say'), and correct articles.

× Also there are many interesting recreational areas and.

✓ Also, there are many interesting recreational areas.

The sentence ends with a trailing conjunction 'and' and is incomplete. Remove the conjunction or complete the list. Add comma after 'Also' for clarity. Suggestion: finish the sentence fully or remove 'and'.